Category Archives: Eurovision

Eurovision 2015 – The Grand Final

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Into the final furlong now with seven more songs that by virtue of their parentage or previous success have made it direct to the Saturday night spot without having to appeal to the midweek crowd as well. As the performance order is not yet decided I’m going to take them in alphabetical order. (I know, I’m so conventional.) Again each preview will have its own star rating and its bookmaker odds courtesy of oddschecker.com, as at 13th May. You know you want to.

Australia – Guy Sebastian – Tonight Again

Do you need me to explain why Australia is in the contest this year? Course you don’t, so let’s move on. The first time I heard this – in fact by the time I’d got to the first chorus – I said, that’s it, game over, Australia has won. Then after a few hearings, little parts of it started to annoy me; specifically the “do whatchya whatchya whatchya want” sequence, which is just some meaningless verbal equivalent to a huge clearing of the throat before the chorus starts; and – no surprise – that final “again”, which has fourteen syllables. I know. I counted them. However, everything else about it is chock full of contemporary fabulousness, and I really do think this has a strong chance of taking the grand prix to Adelaide. (OK, Germany then, because it has been decreed that they won’t host the show next year down under if they win). For all those countries who put their timid little inexperienced people in front of the massive Eurovision audience and then wonder why they crack on the night, take note. Guy Sebastian is the new Dima Bilan; he is a massive star and (according to Wikipedia so it must be right) has 51 platinum and six gold certifications, with combined album and single sales of over 3.7 million in Australia. You always knew those competitive Aussies would take it seriously. He gave a fantastic performance at the London Eurovision Party. I said hello to him in a corridor. He said hi back. Friend to the famous. 7/2 – 5/1. *****

Austria – The Makemakes – I Am Yours

Tricky one this. The host nation goes to the opposite extreme from the campness of Conchita Wurst and ends up with a soft-rock threesome who look and sound as gloomy as hell. The song trudges along without ever lifting its head above the parapet. If you think you like the tune, it’s because you’ve more or less heard it several times before over the decades performed by others. “Let it Be” written by a less talented hand; Coldplay with a cob on. I think they’ll give a good performance because they looked and sounded professional at the London party; but I can’t see this doing anything. This isn’t what people watch Eurovision for. 80/1 – 125/1. **

France – Lisa Angell – N’oubliez Pas

Hurrah for another experienced singer giving us a moving song with dignified lyrics about the effects of war and invasion, and inspired by the centenary of the First World War. Sadly I think it’s let down by a not particularly interesting tune, but I reckon Lisa will give it all she’s got. It’s written by the same nom-de-plume as Natasha St-Pier’s Je n’ai que mon âme, so that’s a pretty good pedigree. 80/1 – 200/1. ***

Germany – Ann Sophie – Black Smoke

Richmond-upon-Thames’ very own Ann Sophie sings this year’s song for Germany, Black Smoke, co-written by Ella Eyre who features on Rudimental’s 2014 BRIT award winning single Waiting All Night (I’m so trendy, me.) This is most definitely a grower, it didn’t impact me much on the first couple of hearings, but Ms Sophie’s performance at the London Party was a bit of a knock-out, and now I rather like it. It’s a song about love gone wrong, with more than its fair share of fire, flame, burning and smoke analogies. They missed a trick by not mentioning ashes. Spiky and quirky. 66/1 – 150/1. ***

Italy – Il Volo – Grande Amore

Winners of this year’s San Remo festival, this operatic boy band have been together for five years now, and have enjoyed no mean success with their three studio and two live albums, the first of which charted in several countries around Europe (and indeed in Australia) so plenty of the televoters will already know these guys. Their EP version of Grande Amore has gone double platinum in Italy too. For the first time ever, I finally like a Eurovision popera song. Normally it’s a genre that gives me a pain in the aria, but this one is a little gem. Actually the full San Remo version at nearly four minutes is a big gem, and it has suffered a little by undergoing the necessary pruning to get it into the permitted time. The song was originally written in 2003 with the hope of going to San Remo but it was shelved as the writers thought it was simply too old-fashioned. Times change. Certainly Italy’s best entry since their recent return. 3/1 – 11/4 (second favourite). *****

Spain – Edurne – Amanecer

Another stunning lady with another stunningly dramatic song. Amanacer means daybreak, but apparently it’s a song about heartbreak – I wish they’d make their mind up. Edurne is a product of the Operacion Triumfo stable, has had a few hit albums and a couple of notable singles, and is also a TV actress and presenter. When she’s not singing and acting, she’s Manchester United goalie David de Gea’s WAG. The song didn’t do much for me at first, but it’s yet another grower. Great for annoying the neighbours when singing in the shower. No tigers were harmed during the making of the video; the bloke, I’m not so sure about. 28/1 – 66/1. ****

United Kingdom – Electro Velvet – Still in Love with You

And finally we come to the UK entry. Ever since its first appearance, subtly introduced to the world by the magic of the Freeview red button, it’s been a matter of some controversy. Certainly if you were hoping for the UK to come up with a contemporary song that can hold its head up in Europe this is Not It. However, in a year where there are a number of similar sounding entries, this is the only one with a novelty sound, which I think can only help it. Many of my francophone friends rate this very highly, and having seen them sing it live twice now I can definitely confirm that they have excellent voices and give confident, fun performances. It does stick in your head, although maybe not for always the right reasons. I have a fiver bet with a friend that it will finish lower down the table than Australia. What can I say, the friend really likes this song. Alex and Bianca are a lovely friendly couple and I wish them loads of luck in Vienna. I really hated it when I first heard it – but now I like it quite a lot. Despite those terrible trite lyrics. And the be-bap-be-bap-be-bap-a-doo nonsense. 33/1 – 50/1. ****

As ever, I do a little counting up of the number of hits each song has received on the Eurovision.tv youtube channel, not that it means anything at all on previous experience.
10th – Belarus (954692)
9th – Israel (988442)
8th – Italy (1058514)
7th – Belgium (1180352)
6th – Spain (1119215)
5th – Australia (1262238)
4th – Armenia (1480922)
3rd – United Kingdom (1819826)
2nd – Azerbaijan (3499640)
1st – Russia (4108146)

Last year Conchita’s song came 2nd in this table, second and third placed Netherlands and Sweden were not in the top ten and Armenia’s fourth placed Aram MP3 came top of this table. Azerbaijan, Italy, Spain and the UK were also in the top ten of youtube views, just as they are this year. The big difference this year is the massive number of views for Polina Gagarina. Do those Russians know something we don’t?

Have a great time watching the show on May 23rd, wherever you are – at home with some crisps, at a party, or in Vienna. No doubt we’ll have some kind of post-mortem at the end of May. May the best song win!

Eurovision 2015 – Semi Final Two

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Yes I’m back again, gentle reader, with a look at the seventeen songs that will glitter their way through Semi Final Two. As before, you can also see the betting odds, courtesy of oddschecker.com (taking all the bookmakers who will give you the first four places each way, as at 6th May) and also giving each song a star rating out of 5. To horse!

Lithuania – Monika Linkytė and Vaidas Baumila – This Time

An inauspicious start to the show. I’m sure this was put together as some kind of tribute to or emulation of Denmark’s jolly 2001 entry Never Ever Let You Go by Rollo and King, but it so hugely fails to come anywhere near it. Not so much “I’m feeling love, love, love”, more “I’m feeling sick, sick, sick” as it gloopily wallows in every sub-country-music cliché. If they stop and do that irritating kiss halfway through I’d be so tempted to throw a brick at the TV screen. Trite as it is, it seems bewilderingly popular with some people. Get a life, guys! 66/1 – 150/1. *

Ireland – Molly Sterling – Playing with Numbers

Having started with something horrendous, we move on to something ultra-bland. There’s something about this song that turns me off after about ten seconds, and it never regains my attention. Believe me, I have tried to concentrate on it… has it started to rain outside? Ah shame, I need to go and…. What was I saying? Ah yes, this year’s Irish song. Sorry, vacuous overload. Pass. 50/1 – 125-1. *

San Marino – Anita Simoncini & Michele Perniola – Chain of Light

Well Michele sums the whole thing up with his first word. Have you ever seen such ham acting in a music video? To be fair, they are both only 16, so we can make some allowances (but see Israel, below) and an awful lot of the blame should be heaped on the shoulders of composer Uncle Ralph Siegel, who continues to devalue his brilliant career by writing latter-day tosh. I cringe when Anita does her little street-rap interjections (“all walk together”, “yes we should”) and I wonder if that conductor’s asking himself where did his career go so wrong. There are worse songs. A few. 66/1 – 300/1. **

Montenegro – Knez – Adio

Adio has Zeljko Joksimovic’s size 12 bootprints stamped all over it, but it’s none the worse for that, and for me this is the best song he’s penned for the contest apart from his very own Lane Moje. It soars to a lovely middle section full of oh oh oh’s and ethnic instruments, and it just somehow feels right. Knez is a seasoned performer (I think that’s the right phrase) who gave a great performance at the London Eurovision Party. The video could do wonders for the local tourism industry (again, see Israel, below). Montenegro came surprisingly low with a similar entry last year – but this year’s is a whole heap better. 100/1 – 200/1. ****

Malta – Amber – Warrior

The second of two Warriors in this year’s contest, and the more accomplished. It’s a big tune that calls for a big voice, and Amber has that in spades. She’s been knocking on Eurovision’s door for a few years now, and I’m sure she’ll seize her chance with all the decibels she can. Very borderline qualification, as I’m not sure the song stands too much examination. But I wish her luck. 50/1 – 200/1. ***

Norway – Mørland and Debrah Scarlett – Monster Like Me

A few months ago I was skimming through the contestants for Melodi Grand Prix (that’s the Norwegian national final to the uninitiated), listening to 30 seconds or so of each song just to get a feel for it, and on the whole thought they were pretty good. Then Monster Like Me came on and I was transfixed. I had to hear the whole thing. So what was it that Mr Mørland did that was so terrible in his early youth? I don’t think we’ll ever find out. I have a sneaking suspicion that he doesn’t know himself either and has been feeding on hallucinogenic substances to block it out (or make it up). This song is so different, so impactful; a fantastic example of less is more, and Kjetil and Debrah have such a presence together it takes your breath away. A three act drama in three minutes? The missing number from Phantom of the Opera? However you want to categorise it, it’s my winner of the year. 16/1 – 28/1. *****

Portugal – Leonor Andrade – Há um Mar que nos Separa

“There is a sea that separates us”, sings Leonor, or at least according to Google Translate. She’s a rock chick-cum-fado singer who looks like she could wrestle with the most difficult composition and win on a technical knock-out. Sadly the song ambles along without getting anywhere, despite its emotional lyrics. A fairly typical Portuguese snoozefest. 100/1 – 500/1 (the most rank outsider). *

Czech Republic – Marta Jandová and Václav Noid Bárta – Hope Never Dies

Welcome back to the Czech Republic and their first entry since 2009. Although it doesn’t have a lot of competition, this power ballad is far and away the country’s best entry to date. Marta and Václav performed at the London Eurovision Party and won us all over with their terrific sense of fun and amazing vocals – Václav’s Roxanne has to be heard (and seen) to be believed. A stirring tune and a feeling for drama make this one of this year’s surprise hits. The Czech Rep doesn’t have much in the way of natural allies on the Eurovision front but I hope a good jury score will send this through to the final. 100/1 – 300/1. ****

Israel – Nadav Guedj – Golden Boy

I referred earlier to the youth of the Sammarese kidz and the tourism aspect of Knez’ song. Both are intertwined in this year’s entry from Israel, performed by Nadav Guedj, 16 going on 35, and winner of Israel’s “The Next Star” TV show. No surprise he won – what a find is this young chap. Great voice, likeable personality, and such maturity for his tender years. The song takes a while to get going, but once it’s got there it’s the best Middle-East/Bollywood sound to come out of Eurovision since AySel and Arash. Perfect for some embarrassing middle-aged dad dancing. “And before I leave, let me show you Tel Aviv” – this song has been brought to you courtesy of the Israeli Tourism Agency. What Eurovision is all about – entertainment on max. setting, slipping through your taste filter like sh*t off a shovel. 25/1 – 100/1. *****

Latvia – Aminata – Love Injected

As is often the case with Eurovision, we go from the sublime to the ridiculous. Aminata’s lyrics sound either wimpishly wingey or stridently wingey, depending what part of the song you’re listening to, and the musical arrangement sounds like farts in a water bottle. At best this will get lost amongst all the other dullish female vocalist songs; at worst it’s a nul-pointer. 40/1 – 100/1. *

Azerbaijan – Elnur Huseynov – Hour of the Wolf

And now for an injection of class. Elnur last appeared on the Eurovision stage in 2008 clad as a fluffy angel. Now he’s back with a less hysterical song (let’s face it, anything is less hysterical than Day After Day), that’s nevertheless splendidly atmospheric and dramatic. Despite being written by a panel of four, probably in a bureaucratic office back of Baku, it’s definitely a contender for this year’s best written song. Elnur’s vocals are a little Marmite, and I’m not a great fan of his English accent, but I expect it’s much better than my Azeri. I’m sure the juries will love this. 20/1 – 25/1. *****

Iceland – Maria Olafs – Unbroken

This year Iceland are sending the cutest of their pixies to represent them, 22 year old Maria Olafsdottir. This is an odd song, to my ears; it has all the elements of something really rewarding and enjoyable but somehow, when it comes to the crunch, just fails to deliver. Probably too many “one step”s involved, making it the bastard child of Michael Ball and Bettina Soriat. (That’s a joke for the nerds out there). I couldn’t work out why it was called “Unbroken”, until I realised it was in the lyrics. I thought she was singing “I’m back again”. Enunciation dear, that’s the key. It leaves me not entirely flat, but certainly not particularly sharp. 33/1 – 50/1. ***

Sweden – Måns Zelmerlöw – Heroes

Ah dear old Måns, the godlike darling of many a Melofestivalen. How can we thank thee for thy Cara Mia? How may we praise thee for thy Hope and Glory? Yet you win with the much slighter Heroes, and 90% of it was due to that terrific little chap whom you high-five even though he’s make-believe and just a cartoon (hope that’s not a shock to anyone). I’m being mean really. It’s a pretty good song, and Måns is a superlative performer. When he sang at the London Eurovision Party he had the audience in the palm of his hand; and is also no slouch preparing the cocktails behind the bar if the rumours are to be believed. Upbeat and uplifting, it’ll do very well no doubt – but I do prefer his other songs! 6/4 – 13/8 (the favourite). ****

Switzerland – Mélanie René – Time to Shine

Another perfectly nice, charming entry from a perfectly nice, charming female singer that provides a perfectly nice, charming three minutes that you forget instantly afterwards – but it was all perfectly nice and charming. If it’s her time to shine, I hope she’s brought the Mr Sheen. Does she really sing “mucking around” or do my ears deceive me? Switzerland has no natural allies at Eurovision and, frankly, this hasn’t a hope of qualifying. 50/1 – 200/1. **

Cyprus – John Karayiannis – One Thing I Should Have Done

Something a little different from Cyprus this year, a very gentle, reflective ballad sung by a decent young chap who looks like a trainee accountant. One Thing I Should Have Done is written by Mike Connaris of Stronger Every Minute fame, and you can see similarities between the two entries. The stand-out moment of this song is its extremely quiet and underplayed middle section, although that’s also its weakness as it’s just too quiet and laid back for me. Cyprus and Greece have been separated in the semi-finals this year like two naughty schoolchildren so I think both might struggle to qualify. As Paul Daniels would say, I like this, not a lot, but I like it. 50/1 – 125/1. ***

Slovenia – Maraaya – Here For You

So Maraaya are a duo. Who knew? She’s Marjetka, and he’s Raay, so together they’re Maraaya, geddit? He wrote Round and Round for Tinkara Kovac last year, but he’s done a better job with this year’s entry, with its English lyrics by Charlie Mason, who penned the words to Rise Like a Phoenix and Beauty Never Lies. Marjetka’s vocals really suit this retro-feeling, sub-Motown sounding, dark song about supporting your lover who’s down down low. A good song, much favoured, and it ought to do really well. 14/1 – 33/1. ****

Poland – Monika Kuszyńska – In the Name of Love

I first heard this is in its original Polish language version and it completely passed me by. Now it’s in English I find it’s actually quite a beguiling little song. Monika Kuszyńska is a most attractive lady and has lots of experience in the Polish music industry. Being in a wheelchair obviously doesn’t hold her back! The song is perhaps a little repetitive at times but has a kind of Enya-ish quality which can just soothe you to sleep. However, that’s probably not the best genre for the final song of the night, and it might get overlooked while everyone SMS’s for the Slovenian entry. I fear Poland may well not qualify this year. 100/1 – 125/1. ***

So that’s your lot for Semi Final Two. Which seven songs do you think will go no further? Ireland, San Marino, Portugal, Poland, Latvia, Switzerland and Czech Republic is my guess. Remember to watch the second semi-final on BBC 3 at 8pm on Thursday 21st May – this time viewers in the UK can vote. Ten songs will go forward from both semis to the Grand Final on 23rd May along with seven others – the Big Five, last year’s winner Austria and, for the first time and stretching the boundaries of Europe even more thinly, Australia. I’ll be back again tomorrow to run through those final songs – see you then!

Eurovision 2015 – Semi Final One

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Yes it’s that time of year again. As sure as night follows day, the Eurovision Song Contest bounces breezily back onto the stage of a European city, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed with a whole new gamut of the best ever/worst ever songs to titillate your fancy/send you to sleep and make their mark on the continent/never get heard again (entirely up to you, gentle reader, as to which you delete). As ever, I’m here with my trusty youtube app and sharpened pencil to give you the run down of each of the forty songs that will affright the air at Vienna in a couple of weeks’ time. We’ll be starting off with Semi Final One, and the 16 songs in the order that the producers have chosen in advance to write off the chances of the countries they don’t like, I mean, create a sequence for the most exciting musical show from the resources given them. Once again, I’m also giving you the betting odds, courtesy of oddschecker.com (taking all the bookmakers who will give you the first four places each way, as at 5th May) and also giving each song a star rating out of 5. On y va!

Moldova – Eduard Romanyuta – I Want Your Love

We start with a song that seems to have met with some derision, although personally I don’t think it’s half bad. Eduard is a 22 year old student, writing his PhD on “tax policy of Ukraine in the context of European integration”. Can’t help think he might have missed the boat on that one. The song is dedicated to an ex-girlfriend, and given his driving habits in the video, I hope any future girlfriends are well-insured. Eduard rocked the crowd at the London Eurovision Party and I thought he was a pretty good performer. It’s got lots of funky moments, and I have a tendency to join in with his “picture that you’re paintin’ got me all anticipating”, much to the embarrassment of all concerned. I heard someone say that if this song had been from Sweden, the fans would have been all over it like a rash; but as it’s from Moldova, they’re not. 100/1 – 200/1. ****

Armenia – Genealogy – Face The Shadow

Of course, in the Grand Final, to perform second in the running order is the complete kiss of death. It’s not quite so disastrous in the Semi Finals, but nevertheless if there is anything to help this appalling dross out of the contest as quickly as possible, that’s a blessing. Genealogy are six Armenian singers, plucked out of worldwide obscurity for no apparent reason other than the fact that they are Armenians scattered throughout the world, singing a hokey, grim ditty about world peace. Originally it was called Don’t Deny, but simply changing the title hasn’t helped it one iota. Horrendously derivative, totally tedious. According to Eurovision.tv, for good luck before a performance they hold hands and say random Armenian words. I wonder what is the Armenian for “wtf are we doing here?” 33/1 – 80/1. *

Belgium – Loïc Nottet – Rhythm Inside

Here’s a song with a bit of atmosphere, if nothing else. Loïc moods all over these three minutes with his very portentous “I’m gonna get that rhythm back”. Aged just 19, he’s quite young to have lost his rhythm, poor lad, so I do hope he sorts it out ok. A lot of people like this but I find his English accent rather irritating – I’d have preferred it in French. And that rapapap stuff just makes me cringe. Next time he shoots a video, I recommend he takes a brolly. The androgynous look does nothing for me, although I suspect I’m not the target demographic. 33/1- 66/1. ***

Netherlands – Trijntje Oosterhuis – Walk Along

All those “j”’s in her name really put you off don’t they – think of her as Traincher and it’s much easier. An experienced Dutch singer with absolutely nothing to do with golfer Peter Oosterhuis (although watch to see if she’s wearing 70s checked trousers on the night). An instantly appealing pop song, with a catchy tune and a chorus that reminds you of a Geordie with his finger caught in the car door. Maybe slightly repetitive after a while but still very enjoyable and it’s a thumbs-up from me. 66/1 – 150/1. *****

Finland – Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät – Aina Mun Pitää

Finnish songs can be Marmite, and punk rock isn’t (perhaps) at its most natural home with Eurovision, although it’s a broad church and everyone’s welcome. Amongst the more unusual aspects of this entry is the fact that it’s all over in less than 1 minute 25 seconds, all four members of the group have developmental disabilities, and that it’s a raucous din. Alas, these guys are not the new Lordi. Personally, I think it’s the worst song in the contest. It’s so short, they could reprise the entire thing and still be within the time limit. It’s not even long enough for a proper toilet break. Its relatively short odds can, I think, only be put down to a misplaced and patronising sympathy vote. It’s a no from me. 12/1 – 22/1. *

Greece – Maria Elena Kyriakou – One Last Breath

This year’s Eurovision is notable for a plethora of very worthy strong female ballads, which I think, on the whole, will cancel each other out, leaving the winner to come from another genre. However, the first of these strong female ballads to get an airing this year is possibly the best. We saw Maria Elena Kyriakou at the London Eurovision Party and I have rarely seen anyone more stunningly beautiful, and she delivers the song with great style and presence. Very classy indeed. 50/1 – 125/1. ***

Estonia – Elina Born & Stig Rästa – Goodbye to Yesterday

Goodbye to Yesterday? That old Melodi Grand Prix entry by Blue Moon Band that got nowhere in the 2007 search for a song for Norway? No. This is a very different kettle of fish. Elina and Stig present a very modern and dark look at a relationship split, with his sneaking out the door without waking her up, and its video with its undercurrent of suggestions of domestic violence (her on him). Not a lot of laughs here, but then it is Estonia. It’s a really strong, thought-provoking, sad and strangely beautiful song, sung with loads of conviction and it’s definitely my favourite of this semi-final. Highly fancied, a song that will last. 5/1 – 11/1. *****

FYR Macedonia – Daniel Kajmakoski – Autumn Leaves

No, not Nat King Cole’s old classic, but Daniel Kajmakoski’s entertaining blend of ballad and ethno-pop. Daniel won the first series of X-Factor Adria, and he’s got a great voice. I really like this song – it’s simple, heartfelt and delicate, but I wonder if it might get a little lost after the grand drama of Estonia. Watch the video to see a charming cartoon romance. I hope it does well and I think it will qualify. 40/1 – 100/1. ****

Serbia – Bojana Stamenov – Beauty Never Lies

The message of Serbia’s song is that not only is beauty merely skin deep, but you have to look deep inside to find the real beauty of a person. I can imagine few people who could put this message across better than the incredible Bojana Stamenov, whose powerful, larger-than-life presence gives the song some amazing oomph. The video is good fun, with fans all over the world contributing their own performances. An excellent song for anyone who’s got a few scars – mental or physical – and isn’t afraid to show them. Strong singalong tune too. Rather like Bojana’s dress size, this just keeps on growing. 50/1 – 125/1. *****

Hungary – Boggie – Wars For Nothing

If you were asked to imagine what someone called Boggie might look like, I’ll wager a pound to a penny you wouldn’t have come up with the impish loveliness of this year’s Hungarian singer. She was born Boglárka, which makes more sense. She came to prominence with her video of Nouveau Parfum, which I would highly recommend to you. Wars For Nothing is a quiet anti-war song that is so laid back it can barely stand up by itself. Whilst there’s no doubt its heart is in the right place, for me this song commits the cardinal sin of being just a bit boring. She sang it at the London Eurovision Party but I can’t say that I actually remember her performance. Sorry. 50/1 – 125/1. **

Belarus – Uzari & Maimuna – Time

Now here’s an unusual thing – for the second year in a row, Belarus have kept with the same song that won their national final! Time is an uptempo pop song from singer Uzari and violinist Maimuna, who certainly lends some class to the proceedings. Uzari has the nastiest case of aural metallurgy I’ve ever seen; he’ll never get through the airport security scanning unaided with those things attached. It’s quite a funky song, with its pretty-music-box introduction and thumping chorus. I can see them all doing the Military Two-Step to this in all the Minsk hotspots. 33/1 – 100/1. ****

Russia – Polina Gagarina – A Million Voices

This year’s annual Russian juxtaposition between caring lyrics, human rights and warmongering comes from the delightful Polina Gagarina, another stunningly attractive woman with a belter of a voice. The video features lots of cute kids and a lovely old couple in an attempt to make you think the Russian government values international peace. It’s a strong, anthemic tune, and Polina delivers it assuredly and with vigour, but I think she’s better than it is. I’m sure the technical team will be active on the night to fade out the boos. It’ll do very well, I have no doubt. 12/1 – 20/1. ***

Denmark – Anti-Social Media – The Way You Are

Four clean cut lads recreate a retro 60s sound with this simple feelgood chant. No hidden message, no subtle agenda, just a plain old pop song about love. It puts you in mind of summer sunshine, a few beers and some happy days. Co-written by the chap who co-wrote Superstar for Jamelia, so he probably knows a thing or two about what makes a good song. The group have only been together a few months, let’s hope they continue after May 23rd. 80/1 – 150/1. ****

Albania – Elhaida Dani – I’m Alive

I often find myself struggling with Albanian songs. They’re usually too serious for me, performed by a female singer with just too much angst. This year it’s the same, only lesser so. Originally they chose Diell as their song but it was replaced in February, and the new song is definitely an improvement. Elhaida is a great singer, who triumphed in The Voice in Italy in 2014. This is one of those female ballads that will get eclipsed because of all the other female ballads. I would like to like this more than I do. But I don’t. 33/1 – 66/1. **

Romania – Voltaj – De La Capat (All Over Again)

Time for a moving little song about the plight of Romanian children left behind at home while their parents move abroad for work. It’s part of a charitable project set up by the group that you can read about here. Voltaj have been going for about 20 years now and have nine albums to their credit. Without the background knowledge of what the song is about, it’s really just another quite nice song. With that background knowledge, it takes on a much nobler feel. Hard not to love it. 50/1 – 150/1. *****

Georgia – Nina Sublatti – Warrior

Semi Final One ends with the first of this year’s songs called Warrior. At first you think this is going to be really powerful, then it all drones on to become rather samey and dull. If you thought Ruslana was like Xena Warrior Princess, Nina’s warrior is a whole new form of scary. Don’t watch the video before bed unless you want nightmares. And surely it’s the only song in the whole wide world to feature the word “oximated”. Nina’s a fine performer and there’s a helping hand in the production from Thomas G:son, but it fails to live up to the sum of its parts. 66/1 – 150/1. **

So what do you reckon? Six songs won’t qualify and I’m going to suggest they will be: Armenia, Finland, Hungary, Georgia, Moldova and Greece. Semi Final One is on BBC3 on Tuesday 19th May at 8pm. The UK can’t vote in that semi-final, so just watch for fun! And I’ll be back shortly with a preview of Semi Final Two. A bientôt!

Eurovision’s Greatest Hits, Eventim Apollo, Hammersmith, 31st March 2015 – BBC1 Good Friday, 3rd April 2015

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This year marks the 60th anniversary of the Eurovision Song Contest. Yes, it was in 1956 that the 32-year-old Lys Assia won the first contest for Switzerland, with the song Refrain. Since then our beloved contest has been through many phases: in, out; defining popular music, irrelevant to popular music; formal, fun; professional-based, fan-based; orchestra-led, backing track-led; respected, disrespected. But it’s survived 60 years, and no matter what your reservations are about it, it’s here to stay because it changes with the times. It’s war without tears; it’s live and unpredictable; it’s a remarkably inexpensive entertainment that fills a number of TV and radio slots for the broadcasting companies; and, on a personal level, it’s something I started following when I was 7 years old and I’m not going to stop now!

To mark the event, the BBC have produced Eurovision’s Greatest Hits, recorded yesterday at the Hammersmith Apollo and being shown in 26 countries around Europe (and in Australia). In the UK and Ireland it will be shown on Good Friday; other countries may vary. There was a 50th anniversary celebration programme called Congratulations, which was never shown in the UK. I managed to obtain a DVD of it, and I thought it was rather good. However, last night, we spoke to some friends who attended both and thought that this 60th anniversary show was way better.

I was joined by Northampton’s own Mr Flying The Flag himself for the trek into London. We were going to start off with an early meal and drink at a nearby pub, which was quiet when we arrived but was soon teeming with Eurovision fans. Never one to miss out on a social Eurovision occasion, Mrs Chrisparkle joined us once she had finished work. I just about had time to say brief hellos to a number of friends scattered around the place, and also had a good long catch up with Ray Caruana, lead singer of Live Report, who performed the UK’s entry in 1989, the 2nd placed Why Do I Always Get It Wrong. If you want to hear raw and hilarious anecdotes about the highs and lows of the music industry, Ray’s your man!

The layout at the Apollo was primarily standing places downstairs but with seating in the circle. Always a front stalls man, I instinctively went for the standing option, and we got reasonably near the stage so that we could at least see the faces properly, although the rake benefited you standing a little further back than you might imagine. My initial impression of the stage was that it was full of colour and light, and that it promised much in the way of excitement. As the show progressed, the backdrop changed for each act and many of the accompanying images and patterns were totally stunning.

The show was presented by Graham Norton (most of us know who he is) and Petra Mede, host of the 2013 Song Contest in Malmo. They worked together brilliantly. Of course, their badinage and comments were all scripted but nevertheless they are naturally funny people and managed a perfect blend of paying respect to the skills and achievements of the performers whilst taking the Mick out of other performers, themselves, each other, the audience and everything else under the sun.

So what of the performances? Well before the recording actually started we were treated to a very special warm-up, this year’s UK entry by Electro Velvet, Still In Love With You. This song has had a rather inauspicious first few weeks, being snuck in to the British viewing public’s attention with a quick push of the Red Button, not even having a proper TV programme to launch it. Initial reactions, as far as I could make out (we were on holiday at the time) were not great. Mrs C and I logged on to the internet on the Sunday morning in a park somewhere in Tenerife to have our first listen. Her first reaction was that it was not bad. My first reaction was that it was not good. Since then I have warmed to it slightly, but I still have considerable reservations about it. There’s no doubt it’s a jolly tune, and a good pastiche of the 1920s sound. It would be perfect for the Strictly Come Dancing Charleston round. But it’s a long way from being a credible,contemporary piece of music, which is what I was hoping for and which nowadays is the key to Eurovision success; and although the words are in keeping with the music and style, they are drivel. They make Eric Saade’s rhyming possible with impossible of almost Poet Laureate status. When Alex starts doing the scat sounds I just cradle my head in my hands with embarrassment. Nevertheless, in a year of worthy ballads, it’s different. I think it will be on the right hand side of the scoreboard at the end of the night, but it’s not a nul-pointer; just can’t see the international juries being impressed though. In order to give it any chance at all it needs a great performance – and, last night, you have to say, it got one. I was very impressed at their singing, their confidence and their style. You could feel the wave of relief working its way through the Hammersmith Apollo as you realised they actually knew how to perform.

So, onto the show proper. If you don’t want to know what happens, I suggest you skip reading the rest of this blog until after you’ve seen the TV show, as it’s full of spoilers. Forgive me, I can only part-remember the order in which these performances took place! We started off with Emmelie de Forest and Only Teardrops; it’s not a song I’m that fond of, but she did a great job. From where we were standing, I couldn’t see her during the first verse – she may just as well have been singing off stage. Suddenly she emerged from below the heads in front of me for the chorus.Suffice to say, everyone received rapturous applause throughout the whole show (with one exception, more of which later). First of the real big-hitters next, with the diminutive Anne-Marie David, giving us a multilingual version of Tu Te Reconnaitras/ Wonderful Dream, with immense power and emotion. That one really hit the spot. No need for gimmicks and sideshows with this one; a true classic. Next, and looking so different from 1984, came the Herreys with the irrepressible Diggi-loo Diggi-ley, recreating all their original dance moves, although they’re dressed in business clerical grey now. I think their performance surprised a lot of people by how perfectly they’d rehearsed it – the audience loved it.

Brotherhood of Man were the only performers from the UK’s illustrious past, with their 1976 winner Save Your Kisses For Me being the biggest selling British Eurovision single ever; as a single it even outsold Waterloo. Before the group came on to perform, the production team wanted to find if someone really knew the dance moves to the song, so that the cameras could linger on them. My competence in this department is restricted solely to the line “Bye bye baby bye bye”, so I kept my hand down. It will be interesting to see how it looks on TV. Mrs C and I met the Brotherhood of Man a few years ago when we interviewed them in Gateshead. It was so bizarre, sitting on their dressing room floor to ask them questions and they were so welcoming and helpful. Of course, Save Your Kisses went down a storm. Nicole, another master (mistress?) of the multilingual Eurovision hit, came out on stage to represent both Germany and Ralph Siegel(prolific Eurovision composer, Uncle Ralph to us all) with A Little Peace/Ein bißchen Frieden, her 1982 winner. Like Tu te reconnaitras, the power of this song is in its simplicity, but whereas Anne-Marie David is an emotional belter of a performer, Nicole still seems part of a more innocent age, all quiet and demure. Prolonged applause at the end of her number caused Nicole’s eyes to get all misty. A Facebook friend described it perfectly as Ein bißchen Weepchen. The Olsen Brothers took to the stage to give us a rendition of Fly On The Wings of Love, their 2000 winner for Denmark, a song we are particularly fond of as we had a sneaky bet on it that won us hundreds of pounds at the time. I think the odds were something like 60/1. It’s still an uplifting number and they perform with an honest charm, and with a great connection to the audience.

Rosa from Spain might seem an unusual choice for someone to perform at this concert, as her song Europe’s Living a Celebration only came 7th in the 2002 contest. However, Rosa sang a medley of Spanish entries, including Massiel’s 1968 winner La La La and Salome’s Vivo Cantando which drew 1st with nearly everyone else in 1969, and she definitely pleased the Spanish contingent in the theatre. Memories were evoked by the presence of Dana International, winner of the 1998 contest in Birmingham, at which Mrs C and I were present in our dinner jacket and evening dress.Ms International gave us the crowd-pleasing Diva (ignoring her less stunning entry Ding Dong), and, whilst I thought her vocals in the verse were a tad on the soft side, she still has enormous stage presence, and, predictably, everyone went wild. More memories surfaced with the appearance of Bobbysocks, Elizabeth and Hanne from Sweden/Norway but who won for Norway in 1985 with the unforgettable La Det Swinge. Again we met them at Gateshead, where I discovered just quite how flirtatious Elizabeth can be (as Mrs C frequently reminds me). They still come out and perform as though it was 30 years ago. Full of fun, and I really enjoyed the backing performers swinging away on their saxophones in the background.

Eurovision Song Contests can be made or lost by the quality of the interval act. There have been some stinkers. In recent years the only one I really enjoyed was Madcon with Glow in Oslo in 2010. I can’t hear it without engaging in my own “bow and arrow” routine. However, there’s one notable biggie that everyone remembers – no, not the Wombles – and what a delight it was to see a fresh performance of Riverdance, 21 years on from its original appearance in Dublin. Bill Whelan’s music, and the contrasting styles of the girl’s soft shoe and the boy’s hard shoe elements are just so exciting to watch. It’s no longer the wonderful Jean Butler and the flamboyant Michael Flatley on stage – what a chemistry they had – but the tradition lives on with each new casting. It sent us into our interval with our toes tapping.

he second half started with Lordi, the Finnish monsters who won in 2006, and they must have been moisturising because they haven’t aged a bit. We were always grateful to Mr Lordi and his team, as they helped us to another successful betting experience, and our winnings paid for a week’s holiday to Spain. Hard Rock Hallelujah remains one of the most tuneful examples of Hard Rock ever, and the act is still enormous fun. Another non-winner, Natasha St-Pier, came to sing Je n’ai que mon âme, 4th for France in 2001. It’s a big fan favourite, and Mr Flag loves it; I must confess its tender mercies slightly pass me by. But then I do tend to prefer my Eurovision songs to have as little subtlety as possible.

Discord broke into our serene ranks with the announcement of Dima Bilan from Russia, as the majority of the crowd started to boo. Booing is one of those marmite activities, many people detest it absolutely, others (myself included) see it as a manner of making a protest that can be justified under certain circumstances. Yes, it’s disrespectful to the performer, but sometimes it can be the only way to make important feelings known. Anyway, they weren’t booing Dima Bilan himself, they were booing the whole abstract concept of Russia, from human rights to activities in Ukraine and everything in between. Well maybe some were booing Dima, I’ve not met him but everyone I know who has, doesn’t have a good word to say about him.At his best he is an amazing performer and entertainer – I loved watching him at the ESC Winner’s tour party at Scala back in 2008 – but at yesterday’s show he slightly over-egged his pudding and put just a bit too much into his Believe/Never Let You Go medley. Maybe it was an understandable reaction to the booing. Weep not for Dima, he’s doing just fine. After a couple of retakes and some strong admonition from Mr Norton, I doubt whether you’ll hear the crowd’s boos on the TV anyway. It was all just a moment of pantomime really.

Things hotted up for our final three acts. Loads of sheets suddenly appeared at jaunty angles on the stage as though some manic painter and decorator had prepared the area for slapping on some emulsion. Maybe there would be a surprise appearance from Sertab? But no, it was to get ready for the one and only Loreen, and a magnificent performance of Euphoria that had everyone riveted. Then “Mr Eurovision” himself, Johnny Logan, came on to do a three-part mixture of What’s Another Year, Why Me and ending up with Hold Me Now.He’s another performer with an amazing stage presence. Finally, it was the person I reckon at least half the audience had come to see – Conchita Wurst, last year’s winner, in a stunning dress and bearded like the pard. Rise Like a Phoenix was a very suitable way of drawing this fantastic celebration of 60 years of Eurovision to a close.

But not quite – as there was a final flashback of a few other amazing winners. Anne-Marie David gave us some Hallelujah (nearly – but not quite – my favourite Eurovision winner of all time), the Herreys sang that old Italian favourite (that didn’t win) Volare, Bobbysocks did their version of Making Your Mind Up (and yes, it did involve Velcro), and Conchita and Dana paired up to end the evening with a rendition of Waterloo. What a show it was – exhilarating, moving, funny, and yes, even musical too. Congratulations to the production team – as the old Not The Nine O’Clock News guys would have said on Points of View, “Well done the BBC.

Looking back at Edinburgh Fringe 2014 – three excellent plays – No 3 – Review – Frank Sent Me, The Dairy Room, Underbelly Bristo Square, 11th August 2014

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As Mrs Chrisparkle and I were having a coffee in the summer sunshine (actually, during a brief unrainy moment) in the Underbelly Complex, a friendly chap with a handful of flyers asked us if we had “got our lunchtime theatre sorted”, whilst offering us a flyer for “Frank Sent Me”. “Indeed!” I replied brightly, “that’s the very play we’ve got tickets for!” “Oh, great!” he replied with a look of relief, “see you there”, which made me wonder slightly if anyone else would be turning up for the performance.

Fifteen minutes before it was due to start, we popped round to the Dairy Room and started to form the queue. There was one other man there. I was beginning to get worried. I needn’t have though, as loads of people suddenly appeared with about two minutes to spare, and we all trudged up the staircase into a room that I expect in real life is a rather grand Edinburgh University lecture room. The play began with a man coming on stage with not much on (but still decent) slowly getting dressed, apparently for a meeting. It was the man with the flyers, which was a good reminder that these fringe productions sometimes get assembled on the flimsiest of budgets, and with an awful lot of goodwill.

He was playing Howe, an underworld enforcer about to meet his match. Frank, the boss, has obviously had enough of him, although we never find out why; I guess all underworld enforcers have their “best by” dates. Tough, serious, knowing today’s the day he was going to be taken away and “dealt with”, Howe’s going to meet whoever it is that Frank sends to do the deed with dignity and honour, his head high, his integrity intact. But two things stand this manful stolidity on its head. One is that Howe’s partner, Wallace, is also a man – and that their relationship is never questioned as being anything other than something perfectly ordinary, which is delightfully non-judgmental for a gangsterland drama. The other is that the chap Frank sends to collect Howe is a dork called Blake, an inexperienced, ham-fisted, matey coward whose inability to do the job is the biggest slap in the face to the tough guy. Having a knobhead come to whisk him away is more insulting than death itself. When Blake, inevitably, fails at his task, it’s up to Howe to rescue the situation – but what does he do?

It’s a surprisingly sensitive tale of a man facing death, the man who’s got to kill him, and the man who has to live with the aftermath. In amongst all the bravado this is basically a domestic black comedy; the man facing the death sentence still has to keep on the right side of his occasionally tetchy partner, as you get little insights into the rifts that have developed between them over the years. But it’s a relationship which, despite everything, is pretty solid. Tight and tautly written by Julian Poidevin, the promotional material described it as Ortonesque with which I would agree in part; but it doesn’t have Orton’s sense of the outrageous, and the central relationship between Howe and Wallace is more realistic than if it had been Orton’s work. It doesn’t really need comparing with anything else – it is its own thing, and very satisfactorily so.

It features three excellent performances. Rob Pomfret (our man with the flyers) is very convincing as Howe, never letting us overlook the seriousness of the events unfolding as the story progresses, and you can imagine he would be a slick operator with his enforcer’s hat on. Despite his job, you actually feel sorry for him and identify with him to the extent that you wonder how you would cope in the same boat. Matthew Gibbs as Wallace provides the perfect foil to him with his house-proud, rather motherly, “let’s not make a fuss” attitude. Actually he reminded me of my late Auntie Joan, keeping the place immaculate, being unnecessarily generous to guests, adopting a “shush and get on with it” manner even when the consequences could be ghastly. It’s a really persuasive study of someone who has little vision but makes up for it with heaps of practicality. And there’s a very nice comic (but not too comic) performance by Izaak Cainer as the hopeless Blake, trying to be positive and upbeat whilst stifling fear-induced vomiting. We were in the front row of this tiny theatre and the action was taking place probably no more than five feet away from our noses, and I was really impressed with the concentration and complete immersion in the characters by all three actors. They were really living it! All in all, a superb production, a satisfying and constantly surprising story performed with elegance, wit and style.

We bumped into Mr Pomfret again outside after the show. I told him it was really good – and he seemed pleased!

Looking back at Edinburgh Fringe 2014 – three excellent plays – No 2 – Review – Lace Up, New Celts Productions and Trig Point Theatre, The Space on North Bridge, 10th August 2014

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I’ve often thought that boxing would be a good subject for a meaty drama and so it proves with this engrossing and thought-provoking one act play by Mikey Burnett and Joseph McCann. Stuart is a talented young boxer, trained by his brother Teddy, who gets a shot at World Title glory in Las Vegas. But as his success grows he is confronted by a tragic occurrence that almost puts paid to his career – how does he deal with it?

It’s a play about ambition and integrity, and the precarious balance that can exist between the two. It’s also an examination of the sport of boxing, and how it almost uniquely combines (if you look at it from extreme points of view) both barbarism and nobility. There’s risk in all sports of course, just as there is in almost everything we do on a daily basis. But the risks involved with boxing are more acute than in most activities. Personally, I’m a great admirer of the sport and view it as a force for good. But the content of the play cannot but unsettle even the most ardent boxing fan. As you follow Stuart through his confidence, his shock, his self-doubt and his self-loathing, you never really know which way he’s going to turn at the end. And the end is a real cliffhanger – I was itching to discover what actually happened next in the story.But then I realised that the tale of Stuart’s boxing prowess was actually a different play, and that Lace Up is specifically concerned with the repercussions of accidentally causing another man’s death.

The three-man cast are excellent throughout. Daniel Campbell is very impressive as Stuart and he certainly convinced me he is a natural boxer! Preparing for a bout and in the ring, his face showed the sheer determination of the supreme sportsmen, focussed and fixed on the job. Outside that environment, the contrast with the devastated Stuart coming to terms with what he has done is extremely moving. Patrick Wallace as Teddy successfully conveys both the anxiety of the coach trying to keep his protégé on message and also the irritation of the individual who finds themselves in a teaching role when really they should be doing it themselves.The two make a terrific partnership, although I must confess, Sassenach as I am, I didn’t understand every word they said with their strong Scottish accents – but certainly enough to follow the plot! The third member of the cast is James Garvock, who captures perfectly the ruthless, hardnosed condescension of the American promoter, compared with whom Stuart and Teddy are mere innocents abroad; and he convincingly conveys the pathetic aggression of Stuart and Teddy’s father. Three young actors definitely to keep an eye on!

Looking back at Edinburgh Fringe 2014 – three excellent plays – No 1 – Review – First Class, Aulos Productions and Relief Theatre, at the Pravda Room, Laughing Horse @ Espionage, 9th August 2014

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It’s been a few weeks now since Mrs Chrisparkle and I had our first ever foray into the Great Artistic Thing that is the Edinburgh Fringe, and we’re already planning next year’s jaunt. In the meantime, there were a few plays we saw that we really enjoyed and that I thought merited a little more consideration than the brief mini-reactions that I only had time for during the Festival. So here goes with the first.

First Class by name, first class by nature. James Beagon’s exquisitely crafted little play held me spellbound from the start. Three lives intricately woven over the decades, set against the same backdrop of a train trip to Manchester Piccadilly. Each character reflected the attitudes and problems of their own respective era, and the three performers – Erin Elkin, Joe Walsh and Maddie Haynes – inhabited their roles so completely and conjured up other passengers and the train setting so successfully that I never for a moment noticed that it was just three people perched on three small chairs on a tiny stage.

The minimalist environment really helped the whole experience to work on your imagination. It’s only fifty minutes long but that time flew by. There’s one scene where you think Lydia is going to commit a terrible atrocity, and, I kid you not, my heart was absolutely in my mouth fearing that she was going to do it. When she didn’t, I felt a sense of massive relief. There’s another riveting and sadly hilarious sequence where tennis “almost-star” Rachel is cornered by an insensitive “fan” on the train who unwittingly gives her a good verbal kicking in a scene worthy of Ayckbourn at his best. The text does not shy away from giving us three different insights into mental instability, providing each cast member with a great opportunity to explore how each character deals with intense pressure in a world full of difficult people.

There’s something of a plot twist at the end, which Mrs C predicted but I didn’t, and when that twist became apparent, everything fitted together so perfectly that I could feel my face positively beaming. This won the best new writing award for the 2014 Buxton Fringe, and quite rightly too. I hope it’s not the last we see of this moving, funny, scary one-act play, and I trust producers Aulos Productions and Relief Theatre will be giving us more riveting drama in the near future.

And if you weren’t lucky enough to see the production – you can here!

Review – Trainspotting, In Your Face Theatre at the Edinburgh Fringe, Hill Street Drama Lodge, Edinburgh, 8th August 2014

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Entering the auditorium for Trainspotting is like entering the great unknown. You’re suddenly part of a black box, there are no visual clues as to where you are or who else is in there, just the intense rhythm of a rave. It’s overpowering, disturbing, disconcerting. You might join in with the dancing, as some of the fellow ravers encourage. Or you might retreat to the safety of the wall. Participate, or observe. What kind of person are you?

To add to the disconnect, you realise your fellow partygoers are masked. Plain, white, half-face masks, concealing identities that aren’t important anyway. They dance, they manoeuvre, they gently restrict your freedom to move, like a Greek chorus silently commenting on the unfolding tragedy of the young Scots caught up in the heroin web.

Into this unreal, intricate, portentous darkness steps Renton, addressing us directly to accompany him on his journey through his own darkness, and maybe out of the other side, if he is spared. For all his crude language, Renton’s an affable guy. He takes us into his confidence, he shows us the horrors of his life, warts and all – although judging by the state of his bedclothes and toilet, warts are the least of his worries. He’s got an ordinary guy kind of sidekick Tommy, who gets drawn into the web when he takes speed before a job interview; there’s the unreliable and unpredictable Sickboy, and the hard, violent, cruel Begbie, who’s never more comfortable than when he’s kicking his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach, or maintaining ruthless order in his manor.

In Your Face theatre have condensed Irvine Welsh’s original story and characters into 75 minutes of gripping theatre. Performing it as a promenade production gets us the audience as close to the action as possible. You can look directly into Begbie’s eyes and see the evil. You can stare in disbelief at Renton’s faeces-covered body and feel the degradation. You can tower over the pathetic figure of Alison as she sobs uncontrollably on the floor at the death of her baby. You can observe the drug-obliterated Tommy injecting heroin into his penis and grieve with sorrow at how he’s fallen. You’re there; you bear witness to it all; you’re almost part of the gang. Could you have done something to prevent any of this happening? Are you to blame too?

The young cast are fantastic and give brave, brutally honest performances, not shying away from the horrific situations into which their characters are plunged. They also make the best of the opportunities for laddish humour and there are a lot of uncomfortable, but very funny laughs. Whilst there are great central performances from Gavin Ross as Renton, Greg Esplin as Tommy, and Chris Dennis as Begbie, together the whole cast form a great, fluid ensemble, interacting subtly and deftly to create a memorable, but ghastly, universe.

It’s an incredibly deep, claustrophobic and sincere production. It’s also very hot in there, which adds to the intensity and discomfort. But if you want to share in the lives of these people, empathise with their wretchedness, yet celebrate their eventual survival (if they make it) this terrific production is for you.

The Edinburgh Fringe 3-Nighter – Frank Sent Me

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Nineteen shows done, one to go – and the last one is Frank Sent Me, from Em-Lou Productions. According to the description: “Underworld enforcer Howe’s not afraid to die, but it would’ve been nice if Frank had sent someone vaguely competent to do the job. Partner in life and crime Wallace isn’t doing much to ease his mind on that score, ‘they made a terrible mess of the last one. First bullet only took his ear off’. A bleakly comic Ortonesque farce by Julian Poidevin, directed by Peter Darney. Winner of Writer’s Avenue’s Best Play Award.” Anything described as Ortonesque is fine by me. I wonder how it will compare to The Babysitters, which we saw on Saturday night? It’s on at the precise time of 12:25 at the Underbelly, Bristo Square, and when it finishes around 1.30pm, I’ll try to give my final set of instant reactions – and then we’ll be on the train back down south. Thanks for following our Edinburgh journey – and if you’re at the fringe this year, have a fantastic time!

In answer to my earlier question, it’s very different from Babysitters. It’s a surprisingly sensitive tale of a man facing death, the man who’s got to kill him, and the man who has to live with the aftermath. A very black comedy, tight and tautly written, and with three excellent performances. Definitely a great choice for a lunchtime play. And a great end to our Edinburgh experience for this year.

PS I’ve written a fuller review of Frank Sent Me here if you’re interested!

The Edinburgh Fringe 3-Nighter – Spank!

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And if we make it through the day, our final show of the evening is the comedy/cabaret who knows what combination that is Spank! It’s three hours of the unexpected that will take us well into the middle of the night. Here’s the description: “Spank! returns for an incredible 11th year with sexy hosts, awesome comedians and the inevitable gratuitous nudity. With the most exciting stand-up, magic, sketch, musical comedy and cabaret talent on the Fringe, don’t miss the ‘Best Wild Night Out’ (Scotland on Sunday) at the Festival! Spank! You love it! ‘This is what the festival should be about’ (List). ‘Legendary party night… get down there right away!’ (Time Out).” I think the line-up changes nightly, so I’m not sure who’s going to be performing at this stage. It starts at midnight at the Underbelly, Cowgate, and if I make it to 3am, I’m going to be in no fit state to make any instant reactions here! Best wait till tomorrow morning I think. I will however offer you my final preview of the last show we will be seeing on Monday lunchtime. Thanks for reading today!

To my surprise, I’m still capable of dashing out a few comments at this late hour. Spank! was terrific. As it’s a different line up every night, I wish we’d gone on Friday and Saturday too. It’s hosted by James Loveridge and another very funny lady whose name I didn’t catch. Basically you get a sequence of brilliant stand ups doing late night routines, and they were all great. Nobody came forward to do the naked promo slot, so host James fell on his sword (so to speak) and flung his naked self on the floor, all five limbs flailing around in comic abandon. Other guests included Ola (who we like from seeing him at Northampton), Australian comedy genius Mickey D, funny group Four Screws Loose, and lots of others. Mrs C and I ended up playing a greater part in the proceedings than we had intended – but it was such good fun that we loved it. Damn, I’m going to miss this next week! Why would you go anywhere else late night in Edinburgh?

Update – the very funny lady who co-hosted with James was Amy Howerska.