Eurovision Semi Final 2 2011 The Morning After

For the second leg we decamped (geddit?) to the Stately Home of the Thane and Lady Duncansby, armed with BBC scorecards, Sauvignon Blanc and Kettle Chips. From the historical comfort of the Grand Drawing Room we witnessed 19 more songs of varying quality. Here are our reactions:

Bosnia & Herzegovina – a nice start from an old codger who is in fact younger than both the Thane and my good self. A crisp performance. Only the Thane didn’t put it in their top ten so we scored it 3/4.

Austria – That’s a wig, noted Lady D. We all thought Nadine was a great singer but that there were more entertaining songs. Only the Thane put it through. (1/4)

The Netherlands – a bit dull, and regrettably the lead singer with his hair and teeth slightly resembled a greasy rabbit. It was ok. (2/4)

Belgium – After about two minutes Mrs Chrisparkle exploded with “surely they’ve had their three minutes by now!” I guessed that the older generation would approve of this more. The beatbox sounded like he was in a padded cell – no bad thing. (2/4)

Slovakia – Excellent legs. Singing a bit off. Great legs. (2/4)

Ukraine – The sand artist show with minor musical background. Lots of “can you guess what it is yet?” in an Australian accent. Mika’s winged shoulder pads were mere pupae in comparison to last year’s Belarussian butterflies. (0/4)

Moldova – A performance that was already too weird for words before the unicyclist came in. The Thane read a pamphlet about camping sites. (0/4)

Sweden – An upbeat and slick presentation. “He’s straight??” commented at least one amazed onlooker. The glass smashing isn’t a patch on how it was in Melodifestivalen. (4/4)

Cyprus – We loved the swaying. We loved the sperm. We loved how the sperm swayed with the swayers. No chorus. (0/4)

Bulgaria – Good performance. Other stuff was better though. Not much to say. (1/4)

FYR Macedonia – I still think this song is fun, but I preferred the video. Great backdrop. The others more or less hated it. (1/4)

Israel – I only use the “f” word occasionally but it really was a fabulous three minutes. Ms International had an extraordinary dress constructed of unravelling raffia work. We knew DI had had a sex change but there was some confusion as to which direction it had gone. Great use of catwalk. Sang better than I expected. (4/4)

Slovenia – A cunning combination of dramatic and dull. Much admiration for the thigh boots. Nice top too. Maja must have gone to “Star by Julien Macdonald” at Debenhams. Mental note made for Mrs C’s Christmas present. (2/4)

Romania – Very good performance of a very good song. Everyone singing along. Stripey trousers. (4/4)

Estonia – Getter Jaani looking like a wide-eyed doe, dressed like a delicious liquorice allsort. Thought her singing was a bit off sometimes. “Woeful” said the Thane. Though originally she gave this song the nod, Lady D rejiggled her scores again after seeing Getter in interview and awarded her AV vote to the Netherlands instead. (1/4)

Belarus – Fun. Attractive performance. We tried some excellent alternatives, these work well: “I love Skelmersdale”; “I love Milton Keynes”; “I love Birmingham”. Northampton and Aylesbury just don’t scan as well unfortunately. (4/4)

Latvia – Showed my age by likening the rapping chap to the late Freddie Garrity. I love the song but felt it was all a bit static. “They’re not pulling it off are they” said the Thane. Probably just as well. (3/4)

Denmark – Within ten seconds of it starting: “I like it” said Lady D. “A winner” said the Thane. And we enjoyed the run around the stage. Satisfaction encapsulated in three minutes. (4/4)

Ireland – Our two households couldn’t be counted as Jedward fans. We all think the song is catchy. The descant of the backing singers drowned out the lads. The presentation wearied us and we didn’t really rate it I’m afraid. (0/4)

Not as successful a prediction of the ten finalists as we achieved on Tuesday. Only 4/10 for the Thane, 5/10 for the ladies and I got a massive 6/10. Big shock for me was Moldova getting through – admittedly they would have got douze points from Romania but who else would vote for that? Ukraine was also a surprise, I can only assume the voters went for Mystic Meg on the sand board and ignored Mika Newton. In the other direction, I really thought Dana International had done enough to qualify, she oozed star quality and class. I thought Ireland was unpredictable and I still can’t call how they will do on Saturday.

Thought Scott was much better last night, some very good lines and a much more confident delivery. Sara was also better but the interviews with foreign singers were pointless as they can’t understand her accent. I barely can myself.

Eurovision Semi Final 1 2011 The Morning After

So here’s what happened. Mrs Chrisparkle and I had our calorie controlled salad early and then laid out the wine and crisps in expectation of the company of Mrs Chrisparkle’s parents, the Thane of Duncansby and Lady Duncansby. This was to be their first hearing of any of these songs.

All guests duly settled we each had our own BBC score card and chose the ten songs we would “put through” – the Eurovision equivalent of a thumbs up from the Roman Emperor in the Colosseum. Fortunately since last year our area has gone properly digital, so our BBC3 reception was vastly improved, indeed it was actually watchable; unlike last year, when we had to make a heart-wrenching yomp across town to the inlaws’ which caused us to miss the first five songs and induced in me an ugly and unpleasant sulk. Anyway that was last year. This year:

Poland – decent song got pretty much annihilated with a lack of tuneful singing. The Thane and his Lady, Mrs C and I all agreed it wasn’t going through, thus it gets a score of 0/4.

Norway – lively stage presentation and an entertaining song. Still a bit flat in part. (2/4)

Albania – Good performance, the first one where the singer got most of the notes. All agreed she looked pretty scary though, and nobody liked the song much. (0/4)

Armenia – Enjoyed the boxing motif, and Lady Duncansby thought she would easily get down to this in the disco. But it quickly palled as the lyrics-lite took effect. (1/4)

Turkey – The guitars set a new theme and people quite liked it, but in the end there were some much better songs. And the contortionist just didn’t help. (0/4)

Serbia – Lady Duncansby actually does remember dancing to this song in The Cavern before you were born. A good tuneful performance. (2/4)

Russia – Don’t understand that opening sequence at all. Slick act though, and Mrs Chrisparkle confessed to something about “gutter thoughts” when she thought I was out of earshot. (4/4)

Switzerland – Having spent the last 6 months finding this just a bit too twee, Anna comes along with a knockout performance. Lady Duncansby was so taken with this one she almost dropped her Chardonnay. (4/4)

Georgia – A very good performance of a song that has been a favourite in the Chrisparkle household since its first hearing. Mrs C starting to go off it though. (2/4)

Finland – We loved the emerging planet. It didn’t look at all endangered to us. Only the Thane could see in this what others clearly can. (1/4)

Malta – A great performance from “my mate Glen” as we now term him, and the Thane became the second person in the world to like the song too. (2/4)

San Marino – Looked forward to hearing this lovely song. A very static performance though, which reminded Mrs Chrisparkle of someone frightened of tripping a PIR sensor. Shame about the vocals, but we largely gave Senit the benefit of the doubt. (3/4)

Croatia – Not that great a performance. The first dress change was a bit of a cheat with the camera looking away and then coming back to see her changed. Anyone could do that. No one liked it much. (0/4)

Iceland – Went down very well here, and not just because of the backstory. Excellent performance too. (4/4)

Hungary – Heard that rehearsals hadn’t been great, but she certainly pulled out all the stops. The room went into swoons of appreciation. (4/4)

Portugal – Was expecting a more quirky performance and the banners were just boring. As was the rest of it. (0/4)

Lithuania – a good performance of a dull song. References were made to the size of her hips. I’ll say no more (although the word “twins” was mentioned in that context). The Thane was in sole appreciation. (1/4)

Azerbaijan – I didn’t know she was from Enfield, and her enunciation of “nothing” as “nuffing” was a moment of delight. We all thought this would do well. (4/4)

Greece – The rapper was greeted with cries of “don’t like it” from the room, but it was amazing how the appreciation of this song increased when Loukas opened his jacket. Lady Duncansby hastily rejigged her scoring as a result. (4/4)

So three of us got seven out of the ten correct, and one, the Thane himself, got eight – he got the most last year as well if I remember. The five songs we gave 0/4 didn’t qualify, which is quite pleasing in retrospect. Along with many others I am amazed Turkey didn’t qualify, not so amazed at Armenia’s failure as apparently her performance in the jury-watching-rehearsal was dire, and somewhat surprised about Norway although the Stella Mwangi/Kate Ryan allusion had been made elsewhere previously.

My bets on Iceland and Azerbaijan are still safe, and it was a good looking show. Great set. Didn’t think much of the presenters though, and thought the UK commentary varied from just about adequate to ghastly. I understand there were “communication issues” from Düsseldorf which must have been difficult for new presenters to cope with. But cutting from a live Sara Cox to a pre-recorded Sara Cox when the pre-recorded bits were obviously meant to look live seemed very ham-fisted to me. We honestly thought she was under the influence of noxious substances at times, and I thought the little vignette she did about running to the commentary booth was, well, just pathetic.She could also have learned how to pronounce “Mwangi” in advance, just as Scott really ought to have known that the J in “Jestem” is pronounced like a Y. I thought he was going to become a bit of a Euro-basher in the Wogan fashion at first but he did have a few good lines later on. Room for improvement for Thursday!