Tag Archives: Palladium

Review – Sleeping Beauty, London Palladium, 28th December 2025

Posted on by

I can’t imagine a Christmas season without a trip to the London Palladium pantomime. I remember looking forward to it so much whenever I went as a child and when they brought it back ten years ago, I was first in line banging to be let in (figuratively, at least). And, boy oh boy, have they taken the opportunity to point out that this is the tenth anniversary of the return of the Palladium panto! I’m all for a spot of nostalgia, but this rather takes the biscuit with an inordinately long introduction wallowing through the last ten years. Pretty heavy-handed stuff! Mind you, as Julian Clary himself points out, there’s not much to the story of Sleeping Beauty – five minutes worth of plot and the rest is padding.

But what delightful padding it is. As you would expect from a Michael Harrison pantomime, the sets are extravagant, the costumes outstanding, and the orchestra (under the baton of Greg Arrowsmith) sumptuous. The first Act concludes with us all arriving at the Forest of Thorns, a theatrical tour-de-design which not only monopolises the stage but the auditorium.

A superb ensemble of boys and girls in the chorus carry the responsible load of driving the musical numbers with the appropriate mix of fun family fantasy  and inimitable Palladium knowing naughtiness. In fact, it was an alumnus from last year’s Palladium Panto, Robin Hood, who grew into this year’s Prince Peter of Pimlico, Amonik Melaco; a confident jump towards stardom with some terrific material about how he got the job. I was surprised that Mr Clary didn’t remark on what a good fist he made of it.

He is matched by a charming performance by Emily Lane as the super-goody Princess Aurora; but it is a mark of the Palladium Panto that they are the least two important characters in the entire show. It’s really a showcase for individual stars to come out and do a routine in the Grand Old Tradition of the Palladium Revue – perhaps nowhere illustrated better than in Dave Knox’s couple of minutes of fire-eating as Master of the Royal Flame.

However, I’m sorry to say that it’s not all Cakes and Ale. In the first half, some of the script seems a little underpowered, and scenes rather peter out into nothing. I went into the interval feeling that this year’s show was a little forced and flat. Things cheer up enormously in the second Act, including a very jolly Twelve Days of Panto routine, Paul Zerdin’s mastery of ventriloquism with two hapless punters from the audience, and lots of Evita references, including an inspired moment with Nigel Havers on the balcony.

In addition to the usual fare of endless opportunities for Julian Clary to be outrageous and Nigel Havers to be ridiculed, much of the show relies on the increasingly National Treasure-to-be Rob Madge providing a theatrical conduit between the audience and the stage as The Diva of Dreams, and they are fantastic as always. New recruit Jon Culshaw makes us shudder with terror at his impersonations of both Donald Trump and Keir Starmer, although, personally, I think he should drop the Martyn Lewis.

Much of the success of the Palladium panto relies on how well the big guest star takes to the challenge. Whilst comparisons are odious (but I always do them anyway) Catherine Tate is among the best of the bunch. She relishes the campy cruelty of playing Carabosse, with an enviably callous vocal delivery. The show is dotted with appearances from some of her favourite characters; her sketch based on gay-denying Derek in the first Act doesn’t really work, but the appearance of am I bovvered Lauren near the end works very well, but the best moment in the show comes with Nan Taylor fronting the ensemble in a rousing rendition of Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now. There’s no doubt that she received the biggest cheer from the audience.

Enormous fun and some tremendous routines – just a shame they spent so long getting going with all that tenth anniversary material! At time of writing there are just sixteen tickets left for the last five performances, as it closes on Sunday 11th January. But we are promised a new Panto for 2026-27, so hurrah for that!

4-starsFor They’re Jolly Good Fellows!

Review – Evita, London Palladium, 3rd July 2025

Posted on by

This is our first Jamie Lloyd production for a few years – we last saw his work directing some of those Pinters at the Pinter in 2018/19, and jolly good they were too. He has always had an eye for the showier aspects of a text, but I think it’s fair to say he’s come a long way since then. I’m sure we missed a treat with his Sunset Boulevard, but as it’s one of the few shows that Mrs Chrisparkle detests, it never reached the diary. So I was very keen to see what Mr Lloyd would do to a show that was a formative influence in my teenage years. This is the fourth production of Evita I’ve seen and, to be honest, I’m not sure it’s ever truly been staged as well as its material deserves – the illustrious Ms Elaine Paige notwithstanding.

Here’s some honest advice if you’re going to see this production as an Evita virgin, if I can put it like that. Do a bit of research about her life and run your eyes over the libretto online. It will all make much more sense. Whilst the best of Tim Rice’s lyrics in the show are immaculately chosen words that truly get under the skin of the characters, without an additional book to link the songs together, you need to pay very close attention to the lyrics, and, with the best will in the world, they’re not always crystal clear.

Additionally, Soutra Gilmour’s set and costumes, whilst completely perfect for this vision of the show, don’t offer much in the way of visual clues as to where we are or who’s talking, which also doesn’t help the narrative. All we see is a series of terraces leading up to the top of the stage where hangs a huge, illuminated EVITA sign. And whilst the basic black rock concert outfits of most of the ensemble is great for suggesting the masses, other costume variation is minimal, with various shades of grey for everyone else except a few splashes of muted colour for Magaldi, gold for the middle classes, and radiant white for when Eva is “on show”.

That said, this is an Evita unlike any other and sets a standard for the future that I think will be hard to replicate. There is a dynamism, a power, a thrill bursting through every scene and every song, performed by an exquisitely well cast company who boldly go where no dictator, first lady, mistress or everyman have ever gone before. For example, Lloyd has Peron’s ex-mistress – Bella Brown taking every advantage offered with this fantastic song – lamenting her lot in Another Suitcase, Another Hall on the steps as though she’s just been chucked out of a mansion, whilst Eva and Peron toast each other with self-congratulatory champers at the top. In past productions, this has been staged to highlight the isolation of the mistress, facing a lonely and hopeless future. But here, when the song is over, she is comforted by a group of similarly dressed exes, and we realise that she is just one of a sequence of girls who clearly have a support system in place. There is also a beautiful callback towards the end of the show where Peron goes up and snogs another similarly dressed girl whilst Eva is singing through her dying breaths. She won’t be the last. A brilliant insight.

Previous productions of Evita, I have always thought, have played down the ruthlessness of the Peronist regime, turning the marching men into smartly dressed clockwork toy soldiers, like fashionable automata. Inherent in that has been the presentation of Peron himself as a much older, hardnosed, experienced autocrat who will brook neither nonsense nor disobedience. Here he is played by James Olivas, a much younger actor than usual, whose Peron exudes that arrogance of youth that makes him an even more terrifying prospect – you feel this Peron has a lifetime of evil and corruption ahead of him. It’s much easier to imagine why this charismatic Peron would have had success at the election.

Another transformed characterisation is Aaron Lee Lambert’s Magaldi, who’s normally seen just as a cipher, the first step on Eva’s ladder to success. Here the character is filled out with real emotion and personality, and his flourishing rendition of On This Night of a Thousand Stars, a pure pastiche of a dated, hackneyed showtune, turns it into a real song and a star vehicle. And there’s a delightful change to Santa Evita where we no longer have adorable innocent children looking to Eva for support but a junior cynical Eva, dressed like the first lady, extorting cash in the manner of her heroine – a fantastically knowing turn from young Ffion Rosalie Williams at our performance.

The whole show is backed by the most versatile and hard-working ensemble of singers and dancers who perform Fabian Aloise’s gripping choreography with maximum effort; this is unquestionably one very fit group of people. Their movements almost blur with the speed of delivery and create waves of engaging patterns across the stage, but if you settle your eye on any one individual and follow them for any length of time you realise both how demanding the choreography is, and how it’s performed with pinpoint precision.

Che – the everyman narrator of the show who, despite his name doesn’t have to be associated with the famous freedom fighter/terrorist (you choose) – is given a tremendous performance by Diego Andres Rodriguez; vocally superb, amusingly cynical, and thoroughly dramatic. He spends the last half an hour or so of the show covered in blue, white and red paint, which I assume symbolises his (and the people’s) death at the hands of the Argentine flag; a visually stunning effect, although it doesn’t quite explain his continued ability to revive himself sufficiently to sing along with the final broadcast, montage and lament.

Rachel Zegler gives a monumental performance as Eva. She has a glorious singing voice, full of personality and expression, and can create all the extraordinary moods that the character embodies. Much has been made about the staging of Don’t Cry for me Argentina on the balcony overlooking Argyle Street; before the show I was cynical about the effectiveness of that decision, especially as it must inevitably deprive the paying audience of the privilege of seeing it. But no; it’s a brilliant innovation. The camera work is outstanding – as is the audio relay – so the audience loses none of the clarity and beauty of the performance; but the sights of the crowds outside, the crying onlookers, Eva berating the cameraman, the subtle looks and private moments, all come together to make it a much more dramatic and insightful scene. Yes, it is perhaps odd that Eva should be singing to a bunch of people outside a branch of Pret, but you can forgive that. As Che himself says at one point, “as a mere observer of this tasteless phenomenon, you have to admire the stage management”, whilst Eva retreats to the sumptuous upper lounges of the Palladium cosseting a well-deserved champagne. And the use of video continues, to observing Eva in her dressing room, removing her wig, briefly breaking down whilst she comes to terms with what she has done, then resolving herself to return to the stage; which is all done so seamlessly and with technical wizardry. It’s a masterstroke.

Number after number enraptures the audience: Buenos Aires, Goodnight and Thank You, A New Argentina, Rainbow High, Rainbow Tour, And the Money Kept Rolling In… the show is packed with great songs, and this production serves them all terrifically. A New Argentina sends us into the interval covered with more streamers and confetti than I’ve ever seen. As one wag was heard to remark on the way out at the end, I hope they’ve got a Shark. Perhaps the brashness of the production reveals the show’s weakest spot – which is that, much as Eva’s health did, it rather dwindles out at the end. But it’s a landmark production and truly invigorating – a 100% instant standing ovation at the Palladium is a thrill for everyone.

Five Alive Let Theatre Thrive!

Review – Robin Hood, London Palladium, 29th December 2024

Posted on by

Attending the annual pantomime at the London Palladium has been a highlight of my year since childhood, and as the years go by that excitement has let up not one jot. For Christmas 2024, Crossroads Pantomimes have given us Robin Hood, and of course no expense has been spared to make this even more lavish, spectacular, colourful and, let’s face it, excessive than previous years.

This is the first time that perennial pleasure Julian Clary has ever embodied the eponymous character role at the Palladium panto. He’s still as delighted as ever to receive a warm hand upon his entrance, but he yields top billing to Channel 5 Cruising Superstar (I think that’s how he announces her) Jane McDonald, who, as Maid Marion, brings her own special musical magic to the show.

Most of the other usual suspects are there – Nigel Havers, getting progressively more teased every year about appearing yet again (at his age, I ask you), Paul Zerdin (plus Sam) getting the kids on his side (we’re all kids at the Palladium panto), as well as more recent treasures Charlie Stemp and Rob Madge. Missing in action this year is Gary Wilmot (currently to be found in the company of Robert Bolt’s Man for all Seasons as the Common Man touring to a theatre near you shortly) but instead we are blessed with the vivacious and officially fabulous Marisha Wallace as the Sheriff of Nottingham and the whopping great presence of Tosh Wanogho-Maud as the mischievously cast Little John.

Sometimes the Palladium pantos make some kind of narrative sense; sometimes they’re just a serving suggestion of a story. This year most of the plot makes hardly any sense at all, but nobody minds. I can’t remember what the excuse for the 3D sequence is, but it is very exciting – Straight Outta Disneyland, in fact. And there is a ten-part If I were not upon the stage something else I’d rather be fugue sequence performed as exquisitely as ever by Messrs Clary, Stemp, Havers, Zerdin and Wanogho-Maud, and is the true highlight of the show; what Little John does with his truncheon is, frankly, obscene, but hilarious. The other standout moments for me are Jane McDonald singing You’re My World from her castle dungeon – an immaculate song sung immaculately – and Charlie Stemp leading the villagers with a rousing Sherwood Forest version of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’s Me Old Bamboo.

But I must be honest, gentle reader; something about this panto doesn’t quite gel, and, amazing to relate, this was the only one of the four shows I saw over the Christmas period that didn’t get a standing ovation – something you would normally expect as automatic for the Palladium panto. Because Robin Hood doesn’t end with a Royal Wedding (unusual for a Panto), the curtain call comes along as something of a surprise, and I don’t think theaudience is ready for it; you feel like there should be just one more scene somehow. And certain aspects of the show don’t quite land as well as they normally do. For me there is a certain degree of miscasting this year and a couple of performers who are at the top of their careers just didn’t feel comfortable in some of their scenes. And there isn’t enough Sam! We welcome Mr Z  (as Will Scarlet) on stage many times but rarely in the company of his other half.

Don’t get me wrong, this is still a hugely enjoyable and all-round gigantic production, full of music and laughter; but for me it wasn’t quite up to the same high standard as previous years. You won’t keep me away from next year’s production though!

 

4-starsFour They’re Jolly Good Fellows!

Review – Hello Dolly! London Palladium, 17th July 2024

Posted on by

Thinking back on some of the stand-out critical notices relating to some of the big opening nights in theatre history, one of my favourites is Walter Kerr in The Herald Tribune on the opening night of Hello Dolly in 1964: “Don’t bother holding on your hats… you’ll only be throwing them into the air!” – I may be paraphrasing here, but you get the picture. A big night, with a big show, fronted by a big star – that’s the secret of Hello Dolly. Over the years, it’s been synonymous with the likes of Ginger Rogers, Betty Grable, Phyllis Diller, Ethel Merman, and, the Dolly of them all, Carol Channing. And now there’s a new star to add to this dolly mix – Imelda Staunton.

There aren’t many shows that you look forward to for five years, but Imelda Staunton was announced as the new Dolly last decade, with the big show set to take place at the Savoy Theatre (if I remember rightly) in the summer of 2020. But we all remember what happened in the summer of 2020, when politicians partied whilst the rest of us lived in isolation. Plans for joyous events like a revival of Hello Dolly obviously had to be shelved. Fortunately, you can’t keep a good Dolly down and in 2024 it’s finally come to fruition on the glorious stage of the London Palladium.

It’s a simple story of simple folk; curmudgeonly half-millionaire (we are talking about a long time ago) Horace Vandergelder has engaged the services of matchmaker Dolly Levi to find him a wife. Horace runs a Hay and Seed merchants, where his underlings Cornelius Hackl and Barnaby Tucker have no lives of their own and no time to themselves. But one day, Horace must go to New York to meet a potential new wife, and Cornelius and Barnaby decide to shut up the shop and go to New York for an adventure of their own. Dolly also has plans up her sleeves – engineer it so that she marries Horace, and if Cornelius and Barnaby can also meet and fall in love with a couple of New York girls, that would be a day well spent. Rest assured, it’s a happy ending with four weddings in the finale!

Hello Dolly benefits from a – largely – superb score by Jerry Herman and a surprisingly funny book by Michael Stewart; no wonder that original Broadway run lasted for 2,844 performances. As well as the memorable title theme, you’ve got the stirring Before the Parade Passes By and Put On Your Sunday Clothes, the witty It Takes a Woman, Elegance and So Long Dearie, the emotional It Only Takes a Moment and Ribbons Down My Back – and the irrepressible Waiters Gallop. The only song that strikes me as being completely outdated and probably worth skipping is Dancing, where Cornelius discovers, lo and behold, that he can dance. Ten years earlier, Salad Days did it better with Look at Me (I’m Dancing). There’s only so far you can indulge that whimsy.

As I was watching the performance of Ribbons Down My Back, I remembered how much I hated that song when I was younger; slow, ponderous and thoroughly boring, I thought. I hear it now and I relish in its gorgeous swapping from minor to major and its subtle lyrics that tell you so much about the character of Irene without making it obvious. Sometimes musical theatre is wasted on the young! That use of a song, to get deeply into a characterisation, is also beautifully realised in Before the Parade Passes By, which is where Dolly realises this is probably her one last chance to return to the world of the living; and – more frivolously – It Takes a Woman, which tells us so much about Horace’s misogyny and thorough laziness!

You already knew that the London Palladium is a massive stage, and you need huge sets to make the maximum impact. Rae Smith’s design is pretty successful on this count; I really admired the use of the streetcar in Before the Parade, giving a wonderful sense of movement on the stage, and the vital sweeping staircase at the Harmonia Gardens restaurant is tasteful and stylish rather than gaudy and glitzy. And that is the watchword for the whole production; taste and style predominate over the brash and brazen. And that’s very suitable for our new Dolly, Imelda Staunton, who is a pint-sized powerhouse rather than a domineering, in-your-face life force like Carol Channing. This production feels very slightly toned down to accommodate Ms Staunton’s interpretation of the role; much more toned down than Ms Channing, but then even Brian Blessed is more toned down than her.

This thoughtful, realistic Dolly comes to the fore most clearly in the famous restaurant/Hello Dolly scene halfway through the second act. Previous Dollies have relished the thought of performing the big number, and come out on stage, all guns blazing, ready to deliver a rip-roaring good time. Ms Staunton pares the performance back, to bring out all Dolly’s insecurities about returning to a place where she had such good times in the past – but it’s been so long now, she’s lost her confidence and her stride, and she doesn’t even know if they’ll be happy to see her again. So at least the first half of this scene concentrates on exposing her fears and gradually seeing her return to her usual self as she realises she’s been accepted back. It’s a very bold way of performing this song, but completely in keeping with the book and the characterisation.

I have one little cavil about this production: the stage movement and choreography relies too heavily on using the revolving stage to present characters walking purposefully from one side of the stage to the other, only to pause, so that they return to where they were before and then resume walking. It works brilliantly at first, but then it gets tedious; and by the time they were still using it in So Long Dearie, it was really annoying me! Less is more!

One thing you can certainly say about this production is that it sounds stunning throughout. Nicholas Skilbeck’s 21-piece orchestra produces exquisite arrangements and performances that fill the auditorium and make your toes curl with pleasure. And everyone’s voices, from Ms Staunton down to the members of the ensemble, are pitch-perfect and harmonise with genuine beauty. Jenna Russell can always be relied upon to deliver a superb performance, and here she gives us a playfully spirited Irene, ready – like Dolly – to take an unexpected leap into the unknown. Harry Hepple is another excellent song and dance man who brings enthusiasm and excitement to the role of Cornelius, leading the terrific Elegance quartet and delivering a powerful It Only Takes a Moment. There’s excellent support with great comedic performances by Tyrone Huntley as Barnaby and Emily Lane as Minnie, and Emily Langham steals every scene with her bawling performance as the eternally miserable Ermengarde.

Andy Nyman gives us a rather likeable Horace Vandergelder. In fact, I wondered if he could be more of a misery-guts and more terrifying to his staff. You get the feeling that Mr Nyman is so completely delighted to be performing this role at the Palladium that he forgets to be grumpy! When he finally becomes bowled over by Dolly’s charms, no one is the slightest bit surprised. And the cast is led by the brilliant Imelda Staunton, using every breath of her stunning voice to full effect, emphasising the comedic way in which Dolly wraps everyone around her little finger to do precisely what she wants them to do, but also tapping into the character’s uncertainties and internal monologues to give us a Dolly with depth, more than just the traditional glamorous showgirl.

A great night’s entertainment which sends you home with the warm glow of Feelgood Factor 50! It’s on at the Palladium until 14th September.

Five Alive, Let Theatre Thrive!

Review – Peter Pan, London Palladium, 29th December 2023

Posted on by

Ah, the Palladium pantomime. One of the highlights of the year. An event steeped in nostalgia and ritual, on as well as the expectation of a great night out of laughter and fun. My first Palladium panto was in 1969 with Jimmy Tarbuck in Jack and the Beanstalk; and although I grew out of the routine as the teenage years drew on,I couldn’t wait to get back into the habit when the Palladium pantomimes started up again in 2016. I always target the same seats if possible; I always treat Mrs Chrisparkle to a bottle of the old Taittinger; and of course I always take out a second mortgage to pay for a programme. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

This year Crossroads Pantomimes, under the esteemed leadership of writer and director Michael Harrison, brings us Peter Pan; with the Palladium panto’s uniquely eclectic slant on J M Barrie’s timeless original. To be fair, we do have three Darling children (and one of them does indeed look like Jacob Rees-Mogg).We do have Nana the dog, Tink the fairy and, of course, Peter Pan the boy who never grew up. And we do have Captain Hook and a crocodile; although it’s never explained why the former is so scared about the latter. There’s a host of vagabond pirates, although I can’t imagine Barrie would have envisaged the likes of Julian Clary, Nigel Havers and Paul Zerdin as bloodthirsty cut-throats. Nor did he immortalise Captain Hook’s mum. I guess that’s panto for you. Oh yes it is!

This year they’ve rewritten the definition of lavish. For sheer levels of costuming, sets, colour and wow factor, this show takes the roof off. Everything looks and sounds stunning; in modern parlance, every scene identifies as a finale. The costumes for the curtain call alone would probably have broken the budget for lesser shows. Greg Arrowsmith leads a sizeable band of merry music makers through many a high energy number,and there are all the usual elements you would expect, from Gary Wilmot’s patter song, the slapstick routine (this time, A Sailor went to Sea sea sea), Paul Zerdin singing with kids from the audience Three Smart Fellas they felt smart, and the ritual humiliation of Nigel Havers. It all works swimmingly well.

As always, the star of the show is Julian Clary, but he naturally takes second billing to the year’s guest star, who this year is Jennifer Saunders as Captain Hook and what a knock out she is. I feared she might just phone it in, like another big star we once saw at the Richmond panto, no names no pack drill, but no. She was gloriously malevolent right from the startand sent herself up something rotten. When she disguises herself in order to trick Peter Pan and the children, it’s a stroke of genius that she turns into Edina from Absolutely Fabulous, littering her speech with all the insincere sweetie darlings you could possibly imagine, and, frankly, it’s hysterical.

Also returning from their big hit as last year’s cow in Jack and the Beanstalk, Rob Madge is perfect as Tink (they’ve dropped the erbell because who needs it), hugely possessive of Peter Pan because they’re head over heels in love with him, thus bringing Tink’s mischievous jealousy of Wendy sharply into 21st century focus. Rob Madge is fantastic at the song and dance, and I hope the powers that be continue to bring them back year after year.Zippo Circus’ Timbuktu Tumblers make an appearance with some fun acrobatics and prove that the limbo dance is still a thing. Frances Mayli McCann rises to the challenge of playing up her Scottishness to create a Gorbals Wendy, mainly so that Mr Clary can act as a translator for the audience. She and Louis Gaunt make a good partnership as Wendy and Peter, musically strong and doing their best to cling on to the wreckage of their characterisations in the face of a Clary-style onslaught.

And, of course, Julian Clary is terrific in this show, as he inevitably is; the raconteur of multiple entendres not just double ones, model of extraordinary outfits, barely ever in character, ruling the roost supreme. He pays tribute to his late friend and colleague Paul O’Grady that is entirely appropriate and never mawkish. No opportunity is missed for him to shower us with salacious comments, and he always gets a warm hand on his entrance.

Peter Pan is a classic Palladium panto, triumphant from the word Go. Why you’d take the kids with you though, I haven’t a clue. Dazzling us until 14th January, and we’re already being lured into the prospect of a 2024 panto in December. Can’t wait!

Five Alive, Let Theatre Thrive!

Review – Jack and the Beanstalk, London Palladium, 30th December 2022

Posted on by

I never lose track of the thrill and the indeed the privilege of attending a performance at the London Palladium. Going through those glass doors instantly gives you a feeling of invigoration, of importance, and of being part of decades upon decades of sheer entertainment. As I was growing up, the Palladium always meant the pantomime, but also the home of revue – from To See Such Fun with Tommy Cooper and Clive Dunn, to the Tommy Steele Show, to The Comedians, to Larry Grayson in Grayson’s Scandals, to the Sacha Distel Show (appearing with the then love of my life, Lynsey de Paul) And then the big musicals – Barnum, Singin’ in the Rain, La Cage aux Folles, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, the revival of A Chorus Line, and now full circle to the annual return of the Palladium panto. Good or bad, you can never be indifferent to what’s going on at the Palladium – and long may it remain so.

Last year there was a plucky attempt to bring back panto to the post-Covid Palladium, with Pantoland, but it’s great to have a proper full-scale panto back here again, even if it is yet another production of Jack and the Beanstalk, although, for obvious reasons, this version is very different from the others around the country. The usual suspects of Julian Clary, Paul Zerdin, Gary Wilmot and Nigel Havers return (and it wouldn’t be the same without them), this year with Dawn French on her second Palladium panto, the exquisite voice and presence of Alexandra Burke, and upcoming musical theatre star Rob Madge. It’s always bizarre (but traditional) that the roles of Jack and Jill (Louis Gaunt and Natalie McQueen) almost appear as afterthoughts; that’s just the way it is, except that there wouldn’t be a story without them!

Technical highlight of this year’s show is without doubt the beanstalk – and I’m not being pejorative about the rest of the show! This is the most auditorium-invading, skyscraper-forming, neckache-inducing slice of vegetation in a theatre since Audrey II had too much to eat in Little Shop of Horrors. And having Jack climb up it is a terrific idea. We were seated pretty near the beanstalk and it’s a shame that the illusion kind of ends with a view that few people would have had, namely Jack dangling around at the very top of the auditorium, waiting for that final pull that would yank him through the roof and into safety. But it’s still a great effect.

Naturally, Mr Clary appeared in a sequence of outlandish garments, and if there hadn’t been a double-entendre for a few minutes, he’d give us one. His badinage with all the cast – and indeed the audience – is a thing of beauty and a joy forever and is pretty much worth the (expensive) ticket price on its own. Mr Wilmot – of course – did another of his list songs, this year about diseases and ailments, and is always a great laugh. Among the new elements thisyear, my favourite was probably Rob Madge as Pat the Cow, a West-End Musical-obsessed bovine, who had me in hysterics with their version of that Les Miserables classic, I Creamed a Cream.

There’s no questioning the production values of a show like this – literally, no expense is spared and it’s a pure onslaught of pizzazz from start to finish. As always, enormous fun, and don’t bother bringing the children.

4-starsFour They’re Jolly Good Fellows!

Review – Snow White, London Palladium, 29th December 2018

Posted on by

It’s the third year that the tradition of the London Palladium panto has been revived, and I nabbed our tickets as early as I could. The last two Palladium pantos have been magnificent with their usual cast recidivists, Julian Clary, Paul Zerdin and Nigel Havers; topped up with Gary Wilmot and Charlie Stemp this year and last year, and a fresh baddie every year – first, Paul O’Grady, next Elaine Paige, and this year, Dawn French. As always, the production department has thrown everything at it – glamorous costumes, lively sets, a glorious orchestra, a superb supporting cast and a very funny script. Are you waiting for me to come up with a “but…..”?

No, there’s no buts. This is as exciting, hilarious and downright filthy as you might expect. I’m sure the majority of the children present – and there were surprisingly quite a few for a Saturday night – wouldn’t have understood one word that Julian Clary said; and if they did, then Social Services need a word with the parents. However, hidden within the concoction that is the panto Snow White, there were a few moments that would really appeal to kids: Paul Zerdin as Muddles, with his irrepressible puppet Sam, and Gary Wilmot’s Dame, as ever with a patter song, this time about all the stars that have ever appeared at the Palladium to the tune of I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General. Mr Wilmot had to stop the orchestra, actually, because he left a huge chunk of his list out! One sequence that took me back to my childhood was the appearance of the Palladium Pantaloons, four fast and funny acrobatic guys who took the roof off in the best Charlie Cairoli tradition.

Kids also like Strictly Come Dancing, and this panto has special guest appearances by Vincent Simone and Flavia Cacace. They perform two enchanting dances, the second of which is an Argentine Tango; it’s their speciality and you can’t take your eyes off them. They play the King and Queen but there’s no real attempt to integrate them into the rest of the plot; they’re just a couple of delightful interludes.

There’s also romance, in the form of the charming Danielle Hope as Snow White and the irresistible Charlie Stemp as Prince Harry of Hampstead. I’m sure I’m not risking any spoilers when I tell you that the two of them get married in the end, ahhh. That’s not before both of them have run the gamut of side-swipes from the waspish tongue of Mr Clary, of course. As last year, there were moments when Mr Stemp just couldn’t continue for laughing. His star quality shines through; and Mrs C and I can’t wait to see him in Mary Poppins later this year. And Ms Hope did a devilish thing during a slightly ham-fisted piece of comic business; she accidentally switched off the control button on the remote Sam, so when they were meant to be having a conversation together, Sam just sat there, like the dummy he is. One of the children brought on stage for a singalong at the end announced that that was their favourite moment of the show.

Even though they’re not mentioned in the title, Snow White does have her usual team of cohabitees at the house in the forest, here referred to as The Magnificent Seven. I can only presume it’s a copyright issue but none of them bear the same names as their counterparts in the original Disney film. Like, when did Happy become Cheery? Even Doc has now been upgraded to Prof; he must have been awarded an honorary degree somewhere. They are, of course, an ensemble all of their own, but I must say I do always enjoy seeing Craig Garner (Cheery) on stage; I still have very fond memories of his Tommy the Cat in Sheffield’s Dick Whittington a few years ago.

And of course, there’s Nigel. We know it’s Nigel because he has five big letters on stage around which he cavorts, just like Cilla did in her 1960s TV series. By the way, there’s precious little attempt for any of the performers to hide behind their character names. All the way through it’s Nigel, Dawn, Julian, Charlie etc on stage. This year’s ritual humiliation for Nigel is that he has finally been given a part – that of Julian Clary’s understudy. As you would expect, he doesn’t really come up trumps, but I do love how he allows the production to absolutely rip his credibility to shreds.

So how do the big guns get on in this panto? Julian Clary only has to suggest the whiff of an innuendo and the audience are at his feet. Over the last decade he has become the supreme pantomimier, if there were to be such a word (I’ve just invented it); the arch practitioner who appreciates the combination of apparent innocence and utter filth and understands exactly how far to take it for the best comic effect. He is, of course, supported by the most outrageous costumes imaginable, some of them totally ridiculous. They must weigh a ton, so I reckon he’s stronger than he looks. Dawn French’s Queen Dragonella is, from the start, Dawn French dressed as a regal bully, admitting she hasn’t yet mastered the necessary evil cackle. It’s wonderfully tongue-in-cheek all the way through, from her lascivious (and unsuccessful) chatting up of the Prince, to her final re-emergence as a much more familiar figure. She’s enormous fun (no joke intended) and her obvious lack of scariness is presented as a strength. “You don’t frighten me”, says Mr Clary as the Man in the Mirror, “last year I did eight shows a week with Elaine Paige”. Well, quite.

There are only a handful of seats left for the remaining performances so you’d better get in quick. It’s a feast for all the senses and guaranteed guffaws from start to finish. Can’t wait for next year’s panto!

P. S. Why do some people have to be so grouchy about letting people in and out of their seats during the interval? We were in the middle of Row G of the stalls and you’ve never met a more unhelpful bunch of surly selfish theatregoers. Beware – if you don’t try to let me through, I may end up stepping on your feet and I am heavy; your risk. Mrs C is much politer than me, but even she was forced to tell the unhelpful youth at the end of the row that she was literally stuck and that he’d have to stand up unless they were both going to stay there all night. Honestly, people, remember your theatre etiquette!

P. P. S. As we all know, the London Palladium is a theatre of the highest reputation and standing, not only throughout the UK but also the world. On a sold-out Saturday night, I can only imagine the bar takings – they must be tremendous; and that’s good news because all revenue helps keep our theatres alive. Having quaffed a delicious Chardonnay before the show, we returned to collect our pre-ordered interval Chardonnays halfway through. I took my first gulp and it tasted revolting. One look at the liquid and you could tell it was a much, much lighter colour than the wine in the other glass. Could it possibly be that a theatre with the reputation of the Palladium is watering down its wine? We took it to the barman, said it had been watered down and he didn’t deny it – in fact, he quickly and sheepishly replaced both glasses with fresh Chardonnay from the bottle. Buyer beware!

Review – Dick Whittington, London Palladium, 29th December 2017

Posted on by

For the last evening of our Christmas London break we headed off to the glamour and excitement of the one and only London Palladium for this year’s pantomime, Dick Whittington. When panto returned to the Palladium last year for the first time in 29 years it was such a nostalgic and feelgood experience. Fortunately, it was also a box office smash and they soon advertised that is would be back this year. Oh yes it would.

The Palladium pantos were always a must-see for their top-of-their-career stars, the amazing sets, the lavish dancing and their full, brilliant orchestra. Last year they showed that they were returning to the same high standards, and this year they pretty much surpassed themselves. There were a few recidivists; Julian Clary, Paul Zerdin and Nigel Havers all returned, all largely playing the identical role they played last year. Paul Zerdin – this time in the guise of Idle Jack – even chose a couple out of the audience to join him on stage for precisely the same routine as last year, where they are made to wear ventriloquist masks around their mouths so that their words are pure Zerdin but their eyes are pure panic. But it’s a very funny act, why change it?!

Nigel Havers this time was Captain Nigel – come on, we all know the pivotal role of Captain Nigel in Dick Whittington….don’t we? – still desperate for a decent scene, still the butt of nearly everyone else’s jokes. There was a very sweet moment when one of the four kids that Paul Zerdin got up on stage at the end of the show to sing Old Macdonald announced that his favourite performer of the evening had been Nigel. You’ve never seen a slightly maturing, thoroughly well-respected actor look quite so flippin’ delighted.Julian Clary, fresh from his success as last year’s Dandini, returns as the Spirit of the Bells, make of that what you wish, punters. As you can imagine, gentle reader, in this particular pantomime, there was a lot of Dick. As usual, Mr Clary lets no innuendo escape unexpressed, nor does he hold back from teasing a corpse moment out of every other member of the cast. The rough, tough one out of Diversity was visibly shaking with barely suppressed guffaws as Mr C delivered him an unexpected double entendre.

Talking of whom, Ashley Banjo and Diversity appeared as the Sultan and his advisors, in a number of set dance pieces which, whilst not completely integrating with the show as a whole, carried on the old Palladium panto tradition of lively dance and comedy pratfalls. I looked on Diversity as the modern day equivalent of Charlie Cairoli and his clowns, who used to have me in hysterics as a lad. Diversity sure have a great stage impact, and all their contributions were very enjoyable.

This year’s other new blood were all pretty darn magnificent. Charlie Stemp and Emma Williams were reunited on stage after their superb performances in Half A Sixpence (still sadly missed) as Dick Whittington and Alice Fitzwarren. Mr Stemp in particular continued to show what a brilliant find he is. He exudes a natural happiness on stage that is irresistible – and there were plenty of references to his past and future performances; a song with the Dame had the title Flash Bang Wallop, What a Sweetshop (I wonder where they got that from) and Mr Clary gave him a huge plug for his appearance on Broadway next year. Oh, and there’s another innuendo for you.

Gary Wilmot was a brilliant Dame – this time the standard Sarah The Cook becomes Sarah Fitzwarren. You can just tell how much Mr Wilmot absolutely adores doing this kind of thing; and his tube station patter song was a true pièce de résistance! Messrs Clary, Zerdin, Havers, Wilmot and Stemp gave us a tremendously anarchic performance of the Twelve Days of Christmas that involved Mr C hurling toilet rolls at the audience – not entirely sure that was meant to happen – and everyone stumbling over each other to get through the number unharmed, which they just about managed. A classic Palladium panto routine, performed to brilliant effect.

And I’ve left the best to last! I have nothing but huge respect for the way Elaine Paige as Queen Rat allowed herself to be sent up something rotten. Her singing parodies of her best-known songs, including forgetting the words to Memory, were simply hilarious. And what was even more enjoyable was that her voice is still astounding. When she delivered her first big number, the chills down my spine were out of this world! It made me want to dig out my old EP albums. (Don’t judge me.)

Extremely funny, glamorous and professional, this is just a wonderful way to celebrate the Christmas season on stage. Amazingly, there were even a few children in the Friday evening audience. Can’t think what they got out of it! This is simply an opportunity for you to go out, have a great laugh, see some fabulous routines and just be a child again. Want to be the first to hear about next Christmas’s Palladium panto? Click here!

Review – Whoopi Goldberg, Stand Up Live, London Palladium, 11th February 2017

Posted on by

I only started watching live stand-up comedy in 2009, and I would say the biggest names I’ve seen would probably be Dara O’Briain, Julian Clary, Jimmy Carr, Al Murray, Reginald D Hunter, Jack Dee, Russell Brand, Sarah Millican, and Alan Carr. Splendid chaps each and every one of course, but do they count as International Stars? We saw Trevor Noah a few years ago and he has since made the big time but I certainly hadn’t heard of him when we saw him. For sheer fame, however, the name Whoopi Goldberg rather knocks all these wonderful people into the proverbial cocked hat.

I was extremely curious to see what her one-woman stand-up show would be like, and chose to see the late-night show as, we were advised, it would be a little more no-holds-barred than her early evening show. I thought there’s absolutely no point going to see Whoopi Goldberg and opting for the holds-barred version. That would be like going to see Oh! Calcutta! and just concentrating on the recorded music.

There’s no doubt there was an extremely excited buzz to the Palladium on Saturday night. There was a full crowd – naturally. When I was queueing at the bar to take some drinks in, someone asked one of the staff if they knew what the running time was. “The first show lasted ninety minutes, with no interval” we were advised. We took our Merlots in, and started chatting to the guys seated next to us. They were equally excited. “Do you think she’ll talk about Trump?” I asked. “For sure!” they replied, as if she could possibly have considered talking about anything else. Good, I said to myself; I really feel like hearing some intelligent anti-Trump material.

The lights dimmed and on she came, in stripy trousers and a big white smocky top, to a tremendous thunder of applause and an instant ovation, even though she hadn’t done anything yet. She accepted the applause graciously, and after a decent pause told us to sit down because there was a curfew and she had a lot to get through! Her opening – slightly disappointing – gambit was to point out that both the US and the UK had made an enormous f*** up (her words) at the ballot box last year, so let’s just recognise it and admit there’s no point going over old mistakes. So much for that source of material, then.

Instead she told us all about what life is like for a woman of 60+… well perhaps, more specifically, what sex is like for a woman of 60+; a very personal and funny account of the ups and downs of modern existence when you’re just about bus-passable. It was all full of very enjoyable observations, but, as Mrs Chrisparkle and I discussed after the show, we couldn’t really remember any one individual topic of discussion. But that didn’t matter. She has such a powerful stage presence, oozing charisma from every pore, that she could have been reading the shipping forecast, and North Utsire would never have sounded so hilarious. It was all a whirl that we let wash over us, if that isn’t a mixed metaphor.

After a while she brought on David. She did explain who David was, but I can’t remember now. Anyway, he asked her a number of pre-posed questions that had appeared on her Facebook page. That’s the modern way of doing stand-up, kids. Whilst the Qs and As threw up a number of entertaining subjects and witty observations, it nevertheless acted as a drain on the accumulated energy of the show up to that point. I enjoyed it, but I also looked forward to this section ending, so that she could go back to some sure-fire stand-up. Unfortunately, it took us through right to the end of the performance, when, in a surprise twist, the show ended with a pair of unnamed twins coming on stage to sing Make You Feel My Love. It reminded me of the finale to Morecambe and Wise’s weekly TV programme, when we would welcome the grand appearance of Janet Webb thanking us for watching her show, even though she hadn’t featured earlier. Charming though the boys’ rendition of Adele’s classic was, it meant the night ended with more of a whimper than a bang.

Still – this was the first time London has seen Whoopi Goldberg do stand-up in thirty years, so it was a thrill to be there, and there’s no doubting her ability to command an audience!

P. S. I subsequently discovered the twins are called Chris and Theo. Well done, lads.

Review – Cinderella, London Palladium, 30th December 2016

Posted on by

My first ever visit to a London theatre was to the Palladium for a pantomime back in January 1969 when I was a very small wee urchin. It was Jack and the Beanstalk starring Jimmy Tarbuck and Arthur Askey and I adored it. I don’t know why I missed out in 1970, but in February 1971 I saw my next Palladium panto, Aladdin, starring Cilla Black. In January 1972, just three days after my father died, the Dowager Mrs Chrisparkle still took me to see Clodagh Rodgers and Ronnie Corbett in Cinderella. And after that – for me – no more Palladium pantos! I didn’t see another panto until I was 19 (Mother Goose at Oxford, with John Inman). And after that, nada, until we took our nieces to see Cinderella in Malvern in 2006. But the London Palladium panto tradition was a very special thing, with its heyday being the late 40s, 50s and 60s. The last time one was staged was back in 1987 with – yet again – Cinderella. Now it’s 29 years later, and look what’s back!

Having loved my first three Palladium pantos, an irresistible force drew me to booking for this comeback show. And what a production it is! The old phrase “no expense spared” is often used, but this time it’s for real. The sets, the costumes, the orchestra, everything about it exudes riches and exquisiteness. They’ve got the old Chitty Chitty Bang Bang technology to make the pumpkin carriage fly through the air, and boy do they use it. With a nod to shows of the past, the panto includes the Sunday Night at the London Palladium theme, the famous revolving stage, and there’s even a brief homage to the Tiller Girls. The boys and girls of the ensemble and the supporting character parts give their all to make it a really entertaining night; and to top it all there is a star-studded lead cast that has to be seen to be believed. No surprise that it’s been a commercial success and that they’re already booking for Dick Whittington next December.

We saw a Friday evening performance – and you might expect that show to be a little more adult in its targeting than some of the matinees. To be fair, there were hardly any children there. That’s right, the Palladium, a theatre that seats over 2,400 people, showing a pantomime, and there was just a handful of kids. Mrs Chrisparkle and I had thought it would be an irreverent night full of theatrical fun, perfect for the break between Christmas and New Year, and no kids. I reckon over 2,300 other adults felt precisely the same. However, that was probably just as well, as the vast majority of the material was completely unsuitable for children. Cleverly unsuitable, for certain, in that it would go straight over their heads (possibly causing them to be a little bored occasionally) but unsuitable nonetheless. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a complaint, but merely an observation – I loved it!

The last time we saw Julian Clary do his stand-up routine I questioned whether or not his act was starting to become a trifle anachronistic, poking fun at effeminacy – especially his own – in this day and age. There’s no doubt he does it brilliantly and it brings the house down, but how 2017 is it? If the jury was out on that one, it’s just come back in, because in Cinderella Mr Clary’s performance as Dandini is an absolute triumph of camp filth. Scene after scene is crammed with double (and treble!) entendres, from his opening song about exploring Soho (to the tune of Downtown), to discussions about his muff and his ring, and being pulled off. Those few children who have sneaked in are totally bemused at why the adults are laughing so much. Actually, there was one teenager that Mrs C noticed, who understood all the dirty jokes but was having to suppress her laughter in case her mother caught her. Ah, the trials and tribulations of youth.

Trumping Mr Clary (although not in the American Presidential sense) – or not, you decide – is Paul O’Grady in the rarely seen role of Baroness Hardup, channelling his inner Cruella de Vil from the moment he gets out of his limo to the epiphany he has on the floor. I’d not seen him on stage before and he’s a right handful, I can tell you. As soon as an infant in the audience made a mewling noise he was straight on it: “Calpol that child, before I come down there and do it for you!” Between the two of them, Messrs Clary and O’Grady wiped the floor with the audience in a nice cop/nasty cop sort of way. They are hysterically funny. It must have been a complete toss-up (the innuendo is catching) as to which of them got top billing. I wonder who it was who told Mr Clary it wasn’t him.

More for the kids – although with plenty of adult twists – Paul Zerdin is a terrific Buttons, with his ventriloquist dummy sidekick Sam, dressed as a mini-Buttons. Sam has a mind of his own and can’t be trusted with anyone, as he both chats up and derides members of the audience, including the sexually-laden line “once puppet, never look back”. His is a brilliant act – no wonder he won America’s Got Talent in 2015. At one stage, he selects a couple from the audience to do the same masked vent act that we saw Nina Conti do in Edinburgh in 2015. Poor Richard and Angela – what great sports they were.

Amanda Holden is a very charming Fairy Godmother, with a lot of X-Factor/Cowell/talent show material that slips out at regular intervals. I rather enjoyed her performance because she doesn’t pretend to be anything that she isn’t – and when it came to the (highly enjoyable) If I Were Not in Pantomime routine, she messed it up a bit by getting the words wrong, and I found that rather endearing. Others, I believe, have been more critical. Cinderella is played by Natasha J Barnes and is a hearty and good natured soul in the best tradition of the role. Lee Mead, as Prince Charming, allows himself to be ridiculed by constant musical references to show tunes that he has made his own in previous productions and on TV; and, on even more of a self-deprecating trip, Lord Chamberlain Nigel Havers is constantly turning up, only to find he has no lines in this scene, and begging to be allowed to participate in the next. It’s a beautifully sequenced saga of ritual humiliation.

In a break from normal tradition, the Ugly Sisters are actually played by women! Suzie Chard and Wendy Somerville are the delightfully named Verruca and Hernia and they do a good job but they are basically outshone by the all the other stars that surround them. The only problem comes with Baron Hardup played by Steve Delaney’ alter ego, the rambling and forgetful Count Arthur Strong. As soon as the Count comes on and starts dithering it seems to sap all energy from the production. His laughs are few and far between and frankly (and this is an unpleasant thing to admit) you can’t wait for him to get off the stage. He redeems himself in the aforementioned If I Were Not in Pantomime scene, but I think his appearance is simply too much at odds with the showbizzy glamour of everything and everyone else on stage.

Still, the rest of the show is so good that this little quibble really doesn’t matter. A triumphant return of panto to the Palladium, and a packed theatre full of ecstatic punters. We’ll definitely be booking for next year!