Why I am leaving the Celebrity Big Brother House

Big Brother Camera Day Seven in the Celebrity Big Brother House and I’m that cheesed off with it that I’ve decided to stop watching.

To be fair, I think I’ve been a loyal Big Brother watcher for far too long now. I was really fascinated and excited by the original concept and those first few series had a definite punch to them. Do you remember when Craig cornered Nasty Nick for being a hypocrite and game-playing? The world watched with shock and awe. TV schedules were hijacked. It was riveting stuff.

Then they started doing the Celebrity versions. They were briefer series, pithier. Half a dozen celebs went into the house on a Saturday and they were all out again a week later. We saw Chris Eubank being as eccentric as we thought he might be; Anthea Turner teaching us how to change a duvet cover with one hand; Mark Owen coming back into the limelight; Les Dennis going through personal problems; Michael Barrymore trying to wheedle his way back into the public’s affections; Anne Diamond needing to lose weight; Jack Dee being Jack Dee.

I’m not naturally attracted to the Cult of Celebrity. But those people were interesting to observe. For one thing, I’d heard of them. For another thing, many of them were funny.

And so we come round to this series of Celebrity Big Brother. Stephanie Beacham, yes, is a celebrity, a well known actress with a touch of glamour, a persona that you think “how will she cope”, and the possibility of some amusing interchanges with house mates. Vinnie Jones – I have also heard of him. He was a footballer. He did a film. I don’t go to the cinema. I now realise he has made loads of them. He had his 45th birthday in the Big Brother House. I was delighted to realise that though I am older than him I look younger.

As for the others, I genuinely haven’t heard of them. Some of them simply seem to be there because they have slept with someone more famous than they are. Is this what today is called “Light Entertainment”? I suppose it could lead to a revealing game along the lines of Six Degrees of Bed Separation – how many interesting people they have slept with by association throughout the chain. Although how many of those are likely to be really interesting people?

And they don’t entertain. They sit around and fart. And laugh at it. To adapt an old saying, “if I’d wanted to be entertained by people laughing at farts, I could have stayed at home”. The challenges have been dull. There wasn’t even an eviction. Oh and there’s a Bible Basher. Really very very boring. Nah. I’ve had enough of this.

I haven’t watched Uncelebrity Big Brother for a couple of series now, and I’m pulling the plug on this one.

Davina Why does Davina seem to have a bad press by the way? I find loads of people online saying they don’t like her. She comes across to me as being a delightful person. She’s going to be about the only thing I’ll miss by not following the series. Maybe I’ll just switch on to watch her. No – I mustn’t.