Category Archives: Eurovision

Eurovision 2011 – Semi Final Two

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Barely two days after the rigours of Semi Final One we return fresh-faced and expectant at the Fortuna arena for more delights. Let’s go through them again one by one in order, together with the largely pointless range of betting possibilities, brought to you by oddschecker.com correct as at 31 March.

Bosnia Herzegovina – Dino Merlin – Love in Rewind

Dino’s a big star in downtown Sarajevo, and has an excellent Eurovision record as being writer of Sva Bol Svjeta and singing half of Putnici (not sure if he was Put or Nici though). Is this another notch on his bedpost or a blotch on his escutcheon? A notch I think. He looks like he could be a contemporary of the original Merlin, and their performance appears to have been choreographed for a completely different song. I feel it lacks something somewhere – I wonder if in a few months he’ll discover a few missing odd notes that fell down the back of the sofa. 8-1 to 14-1

Austria – Nadine Beiler – The Secret is Love

The first few notes make you think you’re in Whitney Houston I Will Always Love You mode, but actually it’s not quite as disastrous as that. When the song can be finally arsed to get going, it’s not a bad tune, but it’s very heavy going, more posing than imposing, and it does get on my nerves by the end. She’s had a couple of top ten hits in Austria and is a TV talent show star. Her hairstylist is obviously a fan of Aneka’s “Japanese Boy”. 33-1 to 50-1

Netherlands – 3J’s – Never Alone

It’s a middle of the road, guitarry, plaintive, serious-ish song which is pleasant in parts. It’s the kind of song you know you ought to appreciate because they doubtless put a lot of hard work into it. However, it’s got none of the attack of the Lovebugs and their Highest Heights of a couple of years ago, and we know what happened to them. I find it very difficult to take seriously a song with the lyrics “there are golden gardens at the sweet end of your trail”. 66-1 to 200-1

Belgium – Witloof Bay – With Love Baby

No, it’s not the return of the Flying Pickets – no such luck. When does acapella become simple showing-off? At about 1:40 on the accompanying youtube, when the admittedly skilful but tiresome singing is interrupted by a jerk with oral explosions. It’s the kind of noise a six year old makes when playing with guns. If you have to listen all the way through, (not recommended) you can enjoy mild diversion by pretending they’re singing “White Loaf” instead. 50-1 to 300-1

Slovakia – Twiins – I’m Still Alive

Another song that fails to live up to the promise of its first fifteen seconds. And what’s with the “ii” in “Twiins”? Are they specifically targeting the Finnish market? It’s vacuous lowest-common-denominator Atomic Kitten/ All Saints/ Girls Aloud soundalike stuff, that goes nowhere and takes ages not getting there. The Twiins were backing singers for Tereza Kerndlová when she had some fun in 2008. Didn’t like that much either. 40-1 to 100-1

Ukraine – Mika Newton – Angel

Fresh from a selection process that Mugabe would have been proud of, the upshot isn’t a bad song from Mika Newton. She’s got quite a nice voice, quite a pretty face, and it’s quite an enjoyable tune, even if it doesn’t linger in the brain too long afterwards. She’s an Avril Lavigne-type rock chick who came to prominence during the Orange Revolution and I expect we’ll see her in Düsseldorf on Saturday night. 25-1 to 100-1

Moldova – Zdob si Zdub – So Lucky

I was quite pleased when I realised the Zdobs were back in town, as Boonika had a certain charm about her – for me it succeeded where the Babushki of last year’s Russian National Final totally failed. However, then they presented us with “So Lucky”. Three different tunes with no apparent dovetailing to unify them into one song. None of the three tunes makes for enjoyable listening. It’s all very raucous for raucous’ sake. I guess it has an element of anarchy but that dream in our hearts that one day we will all meet in Chisinau seems even further away. 40-1 to 125-1

Sweden – Eric Saade – Popular

A slick act and a creative musical arrangement make this a memorable performance, but I do have problems with it. Much has been made of the apparent rip-off of the drum opening to “Rasputin” and frankly they’re guilty as charged. The rhyme of possible with impossible is unforgivable – yes it rhymes, but you might as well have “I’m not going to Kings Cross Station, I’m going to Euston Station”. (It just about scans). The man likes a gimmick and I understand he is single-handedly responsible for rescuing the glaziers of Stockholm from recession. I predict Sweden’s best result for years. (Bold, aren’t I?) 8-1 to 12-1

Cyprus – Christos Mylordos – San Aggelos S’Asapisa

Words fail me, it’s so boring. It’s so boring it makes me angry. With any luck you might drift off before he starts singing. If you don’t, you might care to notice that the chorus appears to have no lyrics. But who cares. 40-1 to 300-1

Bulgaria – Poli Genova – Na Inat

Disappointed to discover that “na inat” doesn’t translate as “nah, innit” but as the more prosaic “for spite”, and having read the lyrics I now understand why she sounds as miffed as she does. I don’t mind this. It’s got a bit of attack, and the tune is ok. You’d be nervous if you bumped into her in a dark alley, mind. Ends very suddenly. I think they just ran out of minutes. 80-1 to 200-1

FYR Macedonia – Vlatko Ilievski – Rusinka

One of those rare occasions where Mrs Chrisparkle and I completely agree on a Eurovision song. We both think this is pretty ace. It’s fast moving, jolly, unpretentious Russkipop, the age-old story of “we don’t speak each other’s language” and with an amusing nod to Kalinka to boot. Check out the video to see the two least convincing Russian dancers within 50 miles of Skopje. I hope it gets through to Saturday night, but I fear it won’t. 100-1 to 300-1

Israel – Dana International – Ding Dong

And here’s a classic example of where we don’t agree – the return of Ms International. How well we remember her feathers flapping in Birmingham all those years ago – but that was then and this is now. Mrs Chrisparkle can’t get past the first “Ding Dong” without reaching for the mute. DI’s voice continues to be on the tentative side of weak; the English words of the song verge on the risible; and yet, you know, I really like this! The tune just carries me away. Wouldn’t it be fun if just once Dana International sang the “Ding Dong” bit in the style of Leslie Phillips? 25-1 to 100-1

Slovenia – Maja Keuc – No One

Written by the same creative team who wrote “Energy” and “Mr Nobody”, and one of the co-writers of “Stop”. You wouldn’t credit it, would you? I think it’s a lot of caterwauling over nothing. 33-1 to 50-1

Romania – Hotel FM – Change

One of the UK’s “satellite” entries as the boy David Bryan is originally from Newton Aycliffe. As soon as the plinky plonky pub piano starts up it’s instantly appealing, with its nice tune and singalong easy to follow lyrics. Romania have come close in recent years and I think this has got to be in with a good chance. Just don’t mention the webcam. 25-1 to 100-1

Estonia – Getter Jaani – Rockefeller Street

Already a fan favourite, here we go with another strong song, a punchy tune and performance with a memorable hook. But is there any significance to the “1273” or would any old number have done? A quick spot of research reveals there’s no such address. Pity. Still I like it. I kind of wish it didn’t have that quieter slower sequence in the middle. You’re going to be hanging around like a lemon at the Eurovision disco during that bit. Sure to qualify though. First mention of diamonds and pearls of the evening. 5-1 to 13-2

Belarus – Anastasiya Vinnikova – I Love Belarus

If you can’t get quicker than a Kwik Fit Fitter, you can’t get camper than a Belarussian Eurovision song, which is another of life’s little ironies. I can’t help but think the lovely Anastasiya will belt out her paean of her nation on Thursday night and millions of people all round Europe will just roll their eyes and say “yeah, right”. The song couldn’t be Russkier, and there’s a lot of fun to be had with it, but I think at the end of the evening Anastasiya will be getting into her Trabbie and toodling off back to Minsk. 66-1 to 200-1

Latvia – Musiqq – Angel in Disguise

Another example of where Mrs Chrisparkle and I seem to be completely out of kilter with the rest of Europe, in that we really like this one too. Sensually alliterative lyrics, a thoughtful arrangement, it’s kind of softly contemporary if you get my drift. These two guys have been together for a couple of years now and have had a few hits in the Latvian charts. I don’t mind the rap section but it does go on too long. Must remind them how to spell “Music” some time. 66-1 to 150-1

Denmark – A Friend in London – New Tomorrow

A bit boring to watch, but very anthemic; could be the dark horse, if they put lots of 50p’s in the meter and they’ve still got a packet of the Olsen Brothers’ fireworks left. It’s a comfortably unchallenging feelgood song, the musical equivalent of a favourite warm old cardy. Andreas Johnson must be furious. Second mention of diamonds and pearls of the evening. 14-1 to 22-1

Ireland – Jedward – Lipstick

And finally, a subtle way to wind up the evening. Hair styled by Edvard Munch, John and Edward cavort and vocalise their way through the routine with all the musicality of Janet Street-Porter. The song is disgustingly catchy but I think it’s going be way off radar of everyone east of Ostend. Definite 12 points from the UK if it gets to the final. 20-1 to 40-1

So I’m going to have a lie down in a darkened room now and will be back soon with the five finalists plus the songs I think will join them on the Saturday night. Thanks for reading!

Eurovision 2011 – Semi Final One

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So having whetted your appetite (hopefully) with some gems that didn’t make it, let’s take a look at the songs on offer in Semi Final One which will take place on May 10th. I’m going to take them in order of appearance. Range of odds courtesy of oddschecker.com as at 30th March; some very wide ranges which just goes to show how difficult it can be to predict!

Poland – Jestem – Magdalena Tul

Let’s start with a difficult one then. On the Yahoo group where I contribute and/or lurk, depending on my mood, when this song was announced there was much whooping and delight. And I think it’s perfectly all right. It’s one of those songs which is very hard to remember a few minutes after you’ve heard it, which is not an advantage when you’re performing first. It’s extremely nice, and not at all offensive. Possibly a bit repetitive. I can’t really sell it to you any more. 20-1 to 66-1

Norway – Haba Haba – Stella Mwangi

The Lion King mixed with a little Coco-Dance gives us this first ever Swahili chorus in Eurovision. Stella’s hugely popular back home and for a while at least kept Lady Gaga off the Number one slot on the I-Tunes chart with this happy sound. The trouble with it, as Mrs Chrisparkle will testify, is whilst the chorus is an escapist chant of charming nonsense, the verse seems to be a bit uncomfortable in Stella’s range and she sounds a bit off-key and strained. I still like it lots. 6-1 to 14-1

Albania – Aurela Gace – Feel the Passion

I’m not normally a fan of Albania’s songs, finding them a bit shouty and over dramatic. This is possibly one of their better efforts, being slightly less shouty and over dramatic than usual. But not much. To commend it, it’s quite a strong tune, but I could probably do with a little less of Aurela’s passion, if I’m honest. They choose the Albanian song at the Festival i Kenges, which always sounds to me like a convention for building site equipment fans. 50-1 to 150-1

Armenia – Emmy – Boom Boom

Not the Boom Boom of Basil Brush, nor of Mabel (Denmark 1978) but a pop-lite offering from Emmy who came second to Eva Rivas in Armenia’s national final last year. You think you’re going to like this at first, but then a couple of Boom Boom Chucka Chuckas later and you’re reaching for the eject button. Its contribution to the philosophic search for the understanding of true love is gossamer thin. Even the Armenians don’t like this. 25-1 to 150-1

Turkey -Yüksek Sadakat – Live It Up

Regrettably not the “Live it up” from 1980s Aussie group Mental as Anything, but scoopings off the cutting floor of The Kinks’ “All Day and All of the Night”. It’s not bad, but it should be a bit more purposeful than it is. If they have a strong live act on the Düsseldorf stage and with complimentary lighting and staging it could do pretty well. 18-1 to 80-1

Serbia – Nina – Čaroban

A full-on 60s pastiche presentation of this song at the Serbian national final certainly helped this otherwise slightly heavy-handed pop song. Disappointingly, Čaroban doesn’t seem to be about a trip by charabanc but some guy she thinks is “magical”. A good performance of this and I’m sure it will get through to the final. 40-1 to 100-1

Russia – Alex Sparrow – Get You

Alexey Vorobyov has been anglicised into the chirpier sounding Alex Sparrow to sing this undemanding piece of pop. Its writers include the team behind Lady Gaga’s Poker Face. It’s perfectly nice but terribly simple and shallow. I want it go somewhere else but it never gets there. By this stage of the evening we really need something earth-shattering to give the evening a boot up the backside. 10-1 to 22-1

Switzerland – Anna Rossinelli – In Love for a While

And this isn’t it. If Russia’s song is perfectly nice, this is “incredibly pleasant”. It’s so laid back it almost falls over. Initially you think this is another song that will move onto a higher plane about one minute in, but I’m afraid it stays in the departure lounge. Given Switzerland’s lack of neighbourly voters, I don’t think we’ll be seeing it on Saturday night. 25-1 to 100-1

Georgia – Eldrine – One More Day

A more contemporary sound from Georgia and my favourite entry of theirs to date, although I realise not many people agree with me. I hope it gets through to Saturday night, but I think it’s borderline. 33-1 to 100-1

Finland – Paradise Oskar – Da Da Dam

Well now, here’s a thing. A little song with a guy on a guitar singing about a cute kid who gets angsted by his teacher talking about “the world’s going to end”. I can’t decide whether this is a charmingly innocent song with a valuable ecological message, or whether it’s nauseating drivel. “Peter is smart, he knows his European countries by heart” makes Mrs Chrisparkle want to puke. Paradise Oskar’s name comes from a children’s book, his real name is Axel Ehnström, and he wrote Da da dam himself. I have a sneaking suspicion that the chorus of “da da dam, da da dam, da da da da da da da da da” could be a bit lyrically challenged for the good burghers of Europe. 14-1 to 50-1

Malta – Glen Vella – One Life

25 songs in Malta were whittled down over two nights and Glen Vella was the last man standing. I don’t think it’s the strongest song but he always puts in an infectious enthusiastic performance and if it gets through to Saturday night it will probably be due to his charisma (not to mention colour sense). 66-1 to 400-1

San Marino – Senit – Stand By

San Marino returns with Senit, whose voice reminds me of Sporty Spice Mel C. It’s a rather lovely heartfelt ballad and I admit I’m hooked on it. There probably aren’t many Eurovision artists of Eritrean heritage, so I expect that’s a first. Sadly I think it’s unlikely to trouble the televoters too much on Saturday if it gets there. 80-1 to 300-1

Croatia – Daria Kinzer – Celebrate

From “Lahor” to “Break a Leg” and now “Celebrate”, this tune gets stronger (the composer wrote the theme to the Croatian version of “Big Brother”) but the lyrics get weaker. Daria Kinzer’s a great singer though and this stands out as being one of the better entries in this Semi. There’s something of the early Celine Dion to her looks, and I expect this to be there on Saturday. 50-1 to 250-1

Iceland – Sjonni’s Friends – Coming Home

Surely when the televoters of Europe hear the story of Sjonni Brink’s death shortly before he was due to perform this song in the Icelandic National Final, there’s going to be a wave of sympathetic phone calls heading for Reykjavik. We will of course never know if this song would have beaten other strong contenders if he hadn’t died. It is, in any event, an upbeat, happy singalong song, with a nice arrangement and confident vocals and I think it will do surprisingly well. 20-1 to 200-1

Hungary – Wolf Kati – What about my dreams

Not sure if she’s decided to be Wolf Kati or Kati Wolf, but this is Hungary’s strongest song since their debut entry. She’s a statuesque lady with a great voice and I’m sure it will do very well. Not much more to say really. 14-1 to 20-1

Portugal – Homens da luta – Luta e alegria

The Portuguese protest song, much criticised for its rowdy style, rather rude performers and general all round thuggishness. Additionally it prevented some rather more genteel and entertaining songs from winning. But you know, in my heart of hearts, I like this. It has a very infectious tune, and the whole performance is reminiscent of a bunch of down-on-heels singing together to keep their spirits up, a kind of Portuguese Jarrow march. It hasn’t a hope in hell, especially if the EU bail Portugal out with cash some time before May 10th. 80-1 to 500-1

Lithuania – Evelina Saŝenko – C’est ma vie

A big ballad that sounds like it should be from a cheesy Disney production and is unfortunately the ultimate in snoozefest. 100-1 to 200-1

Azerbaijan – Ell and Nikki – Running Scared

Another contemporary song from the Drip Drop stable, and surely in contention for a high place in the final knockings. Simple but effective lyrics and a memorable musical hook. 9-1 to 16-1

Greece – Loukas Giorkas feat. Stereo Mike – Watch My Dance

A mixture of styles, dramatic Greek with rap, like Alex Panayi meets Eminem. For me it’s a total failure, but Mrs Chrisparkle likes it. There’s no accounting for taste. Remember Cyprus and Greece can’t vote for each other in the semis. 25-1 to 125-1

Comments on the Semi Final Two songs tomorrow, with any luck!

Eurovision 2011 – the ones that got away

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It’s about time I put font to Word and put on record a few thoughts about this year’s Eurovision. I think it’s going to be a good one! What is particularly impressing me this year is the number of memorable tunes scattered throughout Europe that have risen to the top of the milk, making it much more Full Channel Island than Tesco Value Skimmed (if it exists.) Not all the performances are great, and some of the lyrics are banal; but the composers have been doing a damn fine job this year.

But before I take you through the contest and introduce you to the pleasures that await in May, I’m first going to give an honourable mention to some songs that fell by the wayside en route to Düsseldorf. It’s important to recognise the really enjoyable songs that didn’t make it through their National Finals because they can otherwise quickly get forgotten about. And that would be a tragedy. No, it would.

So I’m going to start off with Romania, who chose very early this year, well very late last year to be precise, and a song that I listened to several times in January much to the disappointment of Mrs Chrisparkle, who “quite liked it”. It’s Leticia with “Dreaming of you”, which came 6th in their National Final on New Year’s Eve. It’s simple, plaintive and charming.

Moving a little sideways to Romania’s neighbour and close partner in the voting stakes, Moldova. Whereas I think the song that has been chosen for Moldova this year is execrable, the song that came 6th (again) is a great little number, full of Balkan Promise. It’s Break It Up by Boris Covali and Cristina Croitoru.

Back towards the Mediterranean in Greece they had a very odd National Final, with the performers in one studio and the audience in another. Maybe this contributed to their choosing one of I think the worse Greek entries for years, and missing this little gem, the only one in the final that was sung in Greek, Hamogela by Trimitonio. I think it may have come last.

In Ukraine they overlooked what could be one of the biggest smashes in years, the extraordinary Jamala, with her song Shine. The Ukrainian decision making process where it comes to Eurovision is one of the most flawed in humanity. Let’s hope they never go for their ISO 9000. Jamela’s voice is something of an acquired taste but this song cannot fail to make you do precisely what the title is all about.

Moving north, in Latvia, I think they chose a terrific song to go to Germany, but it means this wonderful song had to come second – Banjo Laura by Lauris Reiniks. Cute video too.

Ending up in Sweden, there’s all sorts of songs that would have been worthy winners. I think Sanna Nielsen’s I’m in Love is my favourite:

But I’m growing very fond of Swingfly’s Me and My Drum:

and the ultimate in schlager, Jenny Silver and Something in your Eyes:

There are other great songs from around Europe, but I don’t want to lose your attention. I’ll be deliberating Semi Final One soon.

Midweek Eurovision

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Well as usual I am behind with my theatrical posts but here we are on Semi Final 2 Day for this year’s Eurovision! Excitement tingles the spine, only tempered by the memory of the appalling BBC3 reception we suffered on Tuesday night, thus having to decamp to the inlaws to watch it and thereby missing the first four songs. This reception lark had better improve or else we will be driven back to the welcoming wallet I mean arms of Sky Heaven Help Us All.

Tuesday night’s show was highly entertaining though. Tom for Belgium and Hera for Iceland were on excellent form and deservedly went through. Thea for Malta performed wonderfully well but the song is a snoozefest and she wasn’t helped by Big Bird. Similarly Poland’s song was destroyed by what frankly appeared to be Marcin’s overtures to a sexual assault on his poor backing dancer. And as for Russia… well I know it’s meant to be tongue in cheek humorous, but even after a friend explained it in great detail, I still don’t get the joke.

Anyway, really excited about tonight as we have Jon for Cyprus who lives in Wales and Niamh for Ireland who lives in Northern Ireland, thus we have at least two UK representatives tonight! I have to say I like both their songs very much and think they will do themselves proud, I will be very surprised if they don’t qualify – watch this space.“It’s for you” for Ireland is particularly satisfying. On the other hand when I try to think of “Life Could be Better in Spring” I realise I am actually remembering the Belgian song.

It kind of grieves me to say it but the Dutch entry is growing on me.Sieneke sings a daft song but the barrel organ background is strangely uplifting. I am also looking forward to seeing the Romanian dual piano go up in flames, whether Safura will trip down the stairs, what’s going to grow out of an Armenian apricot stone and wondering whether Marks will stock a range of Lithuanian underpants. Only in Eurovision!

UK Eurovision Preview Party Sunday May 2nd, Shadow Lounge, Soho

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Surnames removed to protect the innocent.

So Mrs Chrisparkle and I had a quick nap in our hotel room after seeing Shirley Valentine, and then a Marks and Spencer Chicken Salad (and I had a Pork Pie too) before meeting Michelle and going to the Shadow Lounge for the UK Preview Party. This is the third such event, in a smaller venue this time; while the first party had been a relative financial success (ie I think it didn’t make a loss) the second was not so successful and the prospects for a third looked in doubt; step in John and Paddy to come to the rescue.

At the front of the queue to get in, we met David, who was even earlier in the queue, and then a strange Welshman starting quizzing us about what we were going to see. He must be the real person on whom Gavin and Stacey’s Uncle Bryn is based. Then Niamh popped her head out of the front door and gave us a wave – I gave her a wave back – and unfortunately didn’t get to speak to her again (yes I was the only person to miss out on that pleasure, regrettably).

Eventually we got in, and we spent the evening with (deep breath) Adam, Adam, Mark, Michael, Andy, Liam, Tiina, Tristan & his lady, Dean, Gerry, Paul, Rory, John, Richard, Chris, Juha, David and Andrew Schlagerboy, Mark, John, Robin, Monty, Nico, Franko, Iain, Jody, Adrian, Tom, Paul… there will be others, sorry if I have missed anyone.

First up was Jon Lilygreen and the Islanders, a band from Newport representing Cyprus, who got on famously with everyone and had a raw appeal, having and giving out lots of fun. Then we had Paula and Ovi from Romania, who suffered from bad microphonage unfortunately (but I still think their song is great!);Josh for the UK sang his song and it was the first time I had heard the new version, which I think is an improvement (although I still don’t like the end) – Josh is an excellent singer and comes across as a really nice guy; and finally Niamh for Ireland, who has rapidly become at least two nations’ favourite Eurovision singer and held us all in the palm of her hand. All the acts were introduced by Paddy in his own inimitable style.

A bit too crowded for Mrs C and I to venture on the dance floor but it was great to meet up with friends and enjoy the vibe. Less than three weeks to go before the first Semi Final!! Need to start preparing the party!

Your Country Needs You, Friday 12th March, BBC 1

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If you’re not a Eurovision fan you maybe won’t understand the intense feeling of excitement and expectation when it comes to choosing your country’s Song For Europe. Last year UK fans were spiralled into another stratosphere with the extra effort that the BBC put in (in other words, they made a bit of an effort for the first time in years), and thus this year our expectations have been high.

Then they announced it would be Pete Waterman masterminding the process (not Gary Barlow, shame) but still there were high hopes as we re-evaluated all the SAW hits of the past 100 years.

Then in the run up to the contest, I began to smell a rat. Confirmation of the date of the show was being withheld by the BBC, even though Alexander Rybak had told everyone he would be there on 12th March weeks before. Confirmation of how the voting process would work was also not forthcoming. Information about how you would get tickets was on the quiet side. I remember seeing the Making Your Mind Up shows in 2005 and 2006 and we had our tickets in the post I’m sure two weeks before the event. Two weeks before this show and we had barely registered our interests with SRO Audiences. (I’m really not fussed by all this out-sourcing. Call me old-fashioned.) This all made me think that they really weren’t quite on the ball this year.

Much to my dismay, we were unsuccessful in getting tickets. Even people I didn’t know were Eurovision fans who live in the same town as me got tickets. I resorted to sulking. Mrs Chrisparkle thought it was an unattractive trait. She was right. I decided to meet up with an old pal for lunch on Friday and therefore ruled going to London out of my options. Instead we sat in front of the TV with a rather cheap bottle of vintage cava and some olives. And then the car crash came on.

It looked ok on tv but the sound was appalling. I was sure that at least the first two acts couldn’t have sung that badly but that the “levels” were wrong. And Graham Norton has his autocue failure. I guess that can happen any time but here it just added to that feeling of total lack of preparation. Then in the “second round” Esma forgot her lines. And said “Sorry”. So although she had made a complete mess of it, at least she was still polite.

We voted for her anyway. Not because she was a dependable singer. But because she was the only one who had any real attack to her performance. Josh was/is a much better singer but he looked a bit lost on the stage. I hereby want to wish Josh all the success in the world and the very best of luck for Oslo; and I hope he takes full advantage of any offers of improving his stage presence. Acting classes; dance classes. It will all help.

Mike Stock has said that the song will get a major upgrade. Good. It needs to go from cargo class to balcony suite.

So on the whole I’m glad we didn’t get tickets. I’ve heard some pretty appalling things from some people who went as to how they were treated. Bullying staff; queueing outside after you’ve had to surrender your coats; they all add up to a lack of respect for the individual punter. I have a friend who cannot stand for any length of time, and the tickets say “standing only”. Well that’s discriminatory. They don’t even do that at football anymore.

My friend questioned this and the tickets people confirmed that of course they wouldn’t discriminate against her and that seating would be provided. And indeed it was. An uncomfortable plastic chair set at the back of beyond from where she couldn’t see a thing. And she would also have been miles from anyone else had it not been for a couple of friends staying beside her – with the result that they didn’t see anything either. So the BBC complied with the letter of the law but the spirit of the law went out the studio window. The whole idea of attending is to be part of the audience, to share the camaraderie, not to be plonked as far out of sight as possible. Come on BBC, this is not playing fair! In previous years I know that everyone other than 22 year old blonde girls were sent to the remoter parts of the studio despite their being early in the queue to get in. It just offends my sense of natural justice. Did you know that 22 year old blonde girls constitute a remarkably small part of the average Eurovision demographic?

So I’m afraid this year the BBC does not get a big round of applause from me for this show. I have high hopes for next year. There’s not a lot further for it to plummet.

2010 Eurovision songs I like so far, Part Two.

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If I may refer you back to my previous post here I am happy to say that I am still fond of all those songs, especially Yes Man, Synk eller svøm, and Give it to me.

Plenty of new songs have come our way since then, some that will bedeck the stage in Oslo with their jewels, some that will only exist in a few months’ time on some anoraks’ hard disks. I suppose I should throw my hat into the ring and say that I do like the song that has been chosen for Iceland, Hera Björk’s Je ne sais quoi; I didn’t at first, very much. Too reminiscent of Euroband’s iconic “This is my life”. And indeed the music is written by the same person, so I guess he is entitled to rip himself off. Anyway, after a few high volume hearings of it cruising down the motorway, it has become firmly wedged in my brain.

To Armenia, where they have chosen “Apricot Stone” by Eva Rivas to be their representative. It’s actually a rather charming piece, with a softly evocative start, building to a nice ethnic feel and a groovy chorus. I like it. Apricots are apparently a symbol of Armenia. You learn something every day.

In Norway I’m not going to elevate their entry “My Heart is Yours” to the level of “songs I like” yet – because I am still ambivalent about it. I think I will like it in due course, but I’m not there yet. So I’m going to offer “Jealous cause I love you” by Venke Knutson as an amusing character piece; unfortunately she didn’t perform it too well when it mattered and it is a rather slight song, but it’s entertaining and you can sing it to yourself whilst doing housework. Or rather Mrs Chrisparkle could, as my back is probably too painful for me to do such a thing.

There are two songs I like in Estonia, one is Siren, which snuck in to the final luckily as a previously selected finalist was disqualified. I find it very haunting and once you hear it, very hard to get out of your head. I doubt it will win in Estonia.

I also like Maagiline Päev by Violina and Rolf Junior. I suspect in a month or so’s time if any of these selections will have got demoted from Songs I Like to Songs I’ve Had Enough Of Now, Thank You, this may be the most likely.

In Finland my choices were pretty much kicked aside early in the day. An unfortunate performance from Bääbs meant that You Don’t Know Tomorrow got a deserved flea in its ear.

I also liked America I think I love you, by the Boys of the Band, but I’m sure parts of Europe wouldn’t have approved of such an overtly political statement.

In Denmark, I really like Breathing by Bryan Rice. It came second to the eventual winner, which everyone except me is raving about.

That’ll do for now. I like some of the Melodifestivalen songs but, as you may know, SVT guard their tv output with their lives, so I can’t upload the videos.

Keep enjoying the National Finals season!

Pete Waterman. Oodathortit.

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So. Pete Waterman. How very kind of you to volunteer for this exacting role. You will be under the spotlight of up to 600 million viewers worldwide. Even more arduous, you will be nitpicked by UK Eurovision fans in their tens. Maybe even hundreds.

I’ve seen your CV. It’s pretty impressive. I note the first hit single you were involved in was “Rock and Roll Parts One and Two” by Gary Glitter. I’m not going to say anything inappropriate about that at this time.

Looking to the future then, you have a big act to follow. Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber is a very well known composer. I would venture to suggest he is actually more known worldwide than you are. Another slight problem is that you are not Gary Barlow. We were all expecting him, you know. So were half of Europe. But let that not be a problem for now. The big question is the song.

For last year, although Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber has written “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” and “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” and “The Phantom of the Opera” and surely his crowning glory “He Whistled at Me” from Starlight Express, he didn’t deliver a song of that stature last year. Most Eurovision fans agree that “It’s My Time” had probably been mouldering at the bottom of a drawer for ages as he realised it didn’t fit in to any of his musicals. So the big issue for this year is PLEASE WRITE A DECENT POP SONG and not give us something that was Xeroxed in the 1980s and has been lurking in some dark cabinet until now. Give us a “Never Gonna Give You Up” or an “I Should Be So Lucky” and not a “Success” by Sigue Sigue Sputnik (never heard of it myself but apparently you were responsible for this in 1988).

I do have some concern also that you apparently revealed your involvement with the UK Eurovision entry on your radio show last week. It’s very concerning that no one picked up on this fact – so either, no Eurovision fans listen to your show (in which case are you the kind of person to give them what they want), or no one cares about the UK Eurovision entry (that can’t possibly be true, can it…), or that no one actually listens to your show anyway (which can hardly be a vote of confidence either.)

I do wish you well. I really really do. I really hope you are closely involved in the procedure to select the performer(s) – whatever that procedure may be as we still haven’t been told. I am sure you aren’t the kind of man who would put a lot of effort in to a project only for it to be second-best, a disappointment, an underachievement, a failure. So put that effort in; don’t allow yourself to be swayed by any negative impressions of “Eurovision”; do it from the heart; make a dream come true. Impress the televoters and juries of Eastern Europe; make us all proud. I am optimistic that you will do all that we require of you.

And welcome to the Eurovision family.

2010 Eurovision songs I like so far

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Many parts of Europe have been getting their backsides into gear to start selecting their Eurovision entry. UK – not yet, quelle surprise. Here are just a few songs that I’ve heard in these preliminary stages that I have really enjoyed. I think they have all already failed to qualify or are unlikely to qualify for Oslo – such is the way of the world when it comes to choosing your Euro representative.

In Iceland, microphone problems combined with some high-pitched squeaking put an end to the chances of this little gem. A disco number where Iceland met Turkey but more in terms of grocery shopping rather than national pride.

Also from Iceland, a nice guitarry sound from a group that maybe didn’t come across as having an exportable identity, but nevertheless satisfies the inner soul musically.

And a more upbeat Icelandic group entry, one that cannot fail to bring a smile to your face. (Well it does to mine.)

In Norway, there is a song through to the last chance saloon round that whenever I hear it I cannot get it out of my mind for hours. I would have thought that was a good thing for Eurovision. It’s done well in the charts there too.

I’m fond of this one too, sung in Norwegian, which may not be to its advantage in Oslo but might make it stand out to the local crowd when it comes to making their Big Decision.

Alexander Stenerud has another song in the Norwegian final and I don’t think it has the same dramatic intensity of Find My Girl, with which he failed to go to Moscow, but it’s certainly enjoyable and entertaining.

The Swiss entry has been announced; it has a certain charm, and I enjoy hearing it at the moment, but I don’t think it’s going to bring Switzerland to the forefront of Musical Note.

I know I have omitted a number of entries that might be considered to be “fan favourites”, but these are the ones that have given me most pleasure so far. I’m also a bit behind on hearing songs from outside the Nordic areas, I admit. I think my favourite from this bunch is “Yes Man”. What’s yours?

It’s that time of year again and I am officially excited

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The Eurovision Song Contest. Let’s look at it objectively. It’s probably the world’s largest live light entertainment show. Up to 600 million viewers according to some estimates. And with its being broadcast online since 2000, it additionally has a very large number of people following it in countries where it is not televised. It has given ex-Soviet states a chance to shine on the global stage and certainly contributed towards the Baltic States growing closer to the rest of Europe. It has created stars in the world of music. You know their names.

Let’s look at it from the heart. It’s an opportunity for all those countries who used to go to war with each other to vie for superiority, to do so safely from the pizzazz of a glitzy stage. Games without frontiers, war without tears. It’s a feast for the senses – an overwhelming amount of colour, light, sound, audience, competition – it’s live, it’s exciting, it’s funny, it’s emotional, it’s just a marvellous, wonderful thing.

And although it’s just light entertainment, it deserves to be taken seriously. Not po-faced: that’s not entertainment. Not anorakky: that’s alienating. I simply mean treat it with the same respect you would have for any other Saturday night entertainment show. Don’t deride it. Don’t be ashamed of it. Unfortunately I think the BBC over the years has simply come to the conclusion that it doesn’t know how to deal with it.

Last year could have been a turning point but I fear we’re not going to capitalise on the extra interest it created. Graham Norton was a vast improvement on Terry Wogan. He still made it funny, he still stuck the critical boot in where it was needed; but at the same time he did show that he had done some research, did give relevant background facts about some of the people appearing, without being an anorak about it. We had a pre-selection contest that had been well trailed (with Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “People of Britain” broadcasts), conducted over several weeks, eliminating contestants X-Factor/Pop Idol/Strictly/Maria style, sweeping the UK viewers along with it and encouraging, legitimising their enthusiasm for the contest.

By this time last year we were well into the pre-selection period. But what of this year? This year we have only just started watching “So You Think You Can Dance”, and it’s no doubt got a few more weeks to go. Eurovision, that show that only clocks up 600 million viewers, has been sidelined again.

I feel the BBC don’t know whether it is something to be taken jokily, whether it deserves to derision heaped on it, and to mock its followers; or whether they think it has any credibility and should therefore be supported, promoted and financed – not only their contribution as one of the “Big 4” but also financing a big lead up pre-selection series.

They should also take responsibility for our subsequent performance and our result. No more of this blaming Europeans for our disappointing results. How much more assertive and productive to say, “We chose to put forward this song, this singer, it was the wrong choice, we offered the public the wrong options, we didn’t approach the right performers and writers and we didn’t publicise it sufficiently – it’s our fault and it’s up to us to put it right”. How unlike the usual Eurovision moaning, which admittedly came mainly from Terry Wogan, but which the corporation seemed to lap up with glee.

Quite rightly, many Europeans think of the UK as the birthplace of great music. This year they will be thinking Lily Allen, Robbie Williams, The Killers. When we send someone considerably below that level of entertainment value they get annoyed with us. In 2008 Russia sent Dima Bilan. UK sent Andy Abraham. Je reste ma valise. And yes, I know, people will say Lily Allen and Robbie Williams won’t enter because they’ve got “too much to lose”. But surely the same applied to Dima Bilan and Patricia Kaas, and probably at least half a dozen others over the past few years. There’s also “an awful lot to gain”.

Oh and look at the top 5 last year:

1) Norway
2) Iceland
3) Azerbaijan
4) Turkey
5) UK

That has to put paid to the argument that only the East wins nowadays because “they all vote for each other”. Three of the top five are from the west. In the past few years the winning song has been one from the East that has appealed to voters from the West. Last year it was reversed, a song from the West that appealed to voters from the East. But that appeal has to be subtle. Much as I enjoyed the charms of Javine in 2005, her song was trying to be Turkish. Norway’s winning song this year had an instant appeal, but it wasn’t trying to be anything other than it genuinely was, upbeat, from the heart, honest. Iceland’s highly regarded song that came second was as simple and honest and straightforward as it is possible to be. Me, I couldn’t write a song for toffee, so I plead with you Eurovision songwriters out there, just write a good song. One you can be proud of to stand alone as a good, honest, lovely song. It’s good songs that win and are remembered.

Phew! That’s a lot off my chest. I only say it because I care. I care very much how the UK perform in the Eurovision. I want us to be proud of our entries; to be able to say that we offered the rest of Europe the best we had. Other countries do. We used to.

And I should add that we don’t yet officially know what the BBC propose for this year. They might surprise and delight me. I really hope so. But if it is a megastar it would have been great to have known earlier. The excitement would have been building around Europe too and that could only have been to our advantage.