Eurovision 2013 – The Grand Final

Posted on May 3, 2013 by therealchrisparkle

So we’ve reached the final six now to be added to twenty of Europe’s most successful semi-final hopes to make the grand line-up for Saturday 18th May. Of course, this year, we don’t yet know the actual order of appearance, so I’ll present them to you in alphabetical order of country, together with the range of oddschecker.com odds as listed by bookmakers who will give you an each way place on the top four songs, as at 26th April, and also those all-important five star ratings. Let’s get started!

France – Amandine Bourgeois – L’Enfer et moi (Hell and me)

Well here’s a light fluffy number for the Saturday evening light entertainment TV viewers. Amandine Bourgeois (which appears to be French for “Middle class served with almonds”) pouts and sulks her way through a gothic video recipe of blood and rose petals with just a hint of nutmeg, eventually turning on a guy tied up in a scary dark room that she had obviously prepared earlier. As the late Mrs Thatcher once said on Multi Coloured Swap Shop “it’s got a good beat”, and there’s a distinct whiff of the slinky and sexy to the whole thing. La Bourgeois won the sixth series of French Pop Idol in 2008 and the lyricist is one Boris Bergman who also wrote “Un train qui part” and “Une chanson c’est une lettre” for Monaco way back in the 70s. Not at all bad, but maybe it should be a little better? 50-1 to 80-1 ****

Germany – Cascada – Glorious

One of the few songs this year that could be considered remotely schlagertastic. Singer Natalie is a bright, bouncy and jolly girl and she brings a big dollop of happiness to the stage. For me the song is four-fifths of the way there; very nearly excellent, but there’s just something holding it back. With its understated verse and grand chorus, it bears comparison with Euphoria, but is found wanting in the balance. That’s probably its downfall. Cascada of course have been hugely successful worldwide and that’s not going to do them any harm at all. Nevertheless, I can’t see this winning. 18-1 to 25-1 ****

Italy – Marco Mengoni – L’essenziale (The Essence)

For me, this is this year’s “Kuula”, a well sung ballad by a smouldering guy and and a song that everybody loves – apart from me. I’ve heard it a few times and instantly afterwards have absolutely no recollection of the tune. It’s a heart-searching “love’s a tragedy” lyric, and Marco is obviously feeling the pain, but I’d prefer it to be a private moment that he should share just with his piano. I love a joke as much as the next man, but, leave me out of it, hey, Marco? The preposterous underwater singing, violin playing and book-reading in the video just makes me laugh scornfully. Marco won the Italian X-Factor in 2009, and if there was a prize for the best quiff, he’d be ten feet taller than everyone else. Probably he is. Boring! 16-1 to 20-1 **

Spain – ESDM – Contigo hasta el final (With You Until The End)

Despite one’s initial suspicion, ESDM is not some Spanish fetish involving chains and castanets, but stands for El Sueño de Morfeo, which proabably makes less sense than a strapped down flamenco dancer. Raquel del Rosario is a good-looking girl who also happens to be F1 driver Fernando Alonso’s ex. The mood of the song is kind of folk-rock dreamy, very gentle, very relaxing; you almost expect to hear distant dolphins and whales chilling out with you, and you do get a horse galloping in from the sea, just as in those tasteful 1970s prints. Sadly, what starts off as beguiling, ends up just a bit boring, and I don’t think it will make any impact on the night. Nice horse, though. 100-1 to 150-1 **

Sweden – Robin Stjernberg – You

We went to a Melodifestivalen party this year and we all had to put the ten finalists in our order of preference. Both Mrs Chrisparkle and I put this song in tenth position. I haven’t a clue how it beat David Lindgren, Yohio, or any of the others. However, when we added everyone’s points together, the song that the party gave maximum points to was – Robin Stjernberg. So for some reason that eludes me, this is a really popular song. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad; I don’t think Robin’s voice, particularly in the quieter parts, is that well controlled, and the chorus, to be charitable, is repetitive. There is an underlying power to it, I agree; but it’s very underlying. 12-1 to 22-1 ***

UK – Bonnie Tyler – Believe in Me

Which brings us finally to our Bonnie. When we first heard that she was going to be the UK representative, Mrs C and I were both very excited and thought it was a great choice. Then I heard the song and my instant reaction was that it was as dull as ditchwater. Then Mrs C heard the song and her instant reaction was that it was fab. It is improving with many listens, but I still confess I only play it out of curiosity, to remember how it goes, and not out of any wish to hear it again. I think it’s a song I admire more than like. With any luck, she will have loads of experience to fall back on, and not get fazed by the experience. Undoubtedly the one performer in the whole contest with the most successful recording career, and I for one would be thrilled if it won. 25-1 to 33-1 ***

Last year I did a little analysis of the songs that had received the most hits on the eurovision.tv youtube channel, to see if there was anything one could deduce from it. The most popular song was Russia (which came 2nd), then Cyprus (which came 16th) and then the UK (which came 25th). So it’s only of limited use! Nevertheless, here are the scores on the doors as it stands at this very moment in time:

10th – Greece (215,764)
9th – Norway (221,774)
8th – Sweden (259, 294)
7th – Germany (303,612)
6th – UK (323,460)
5th – Serbia (565,642)
4th – Azerbaijan (649,961)
3rd – Denmark (720,079)
2nd – Ukraine (835,881)
1st – Montenegro (1,162,020)

Montenegro? MONTENEGRO????? Yes, Montenegro. Europe is awash with happy little dubsteppers groovin’ and jammin’ across the continent.

So now I’m going to give you my top ten favourites:

In at Number 10, I’m going for the simplicity of Hungary’s Kedvesem

At 9, it’s little Belgian Roberto complaining that Love Kills

My number 8 is Aliona from Moldova singing about thousands, or millions, your choice

7th place goes to the disco pleasing Irish entry from Ryan and Only Love Survives

6 is that big favourite from Denmark, Emmelie and Only Teardrops

At Number 5 it’s the gorgeous Zlata from Ukraine hoping Gravity doesn’t plummet

My 4th choice is for the powerhouse from Norway, Margaret Berger on a love feeding frenzy

Top 3 – At 3 it’s the musical medic, Gianluca Bezzina from Malta with Tomorrow

Runner-up always the bridesmaid but maybe this time the bride, Krista from Finland and Marry Me

And my favourite song this year is the Swiss Army Knives (Salvation branch) and the anthemic You and Me.

I have come to the conclusion that this year’s contest is wide open. Almost anyone could win, and almost anyone could come last. I’m going to make a prediction that the following ten songs will be in the top ten – but I’m not going to pin myself down to positions. I think they will be:

Azerbaijan
Denmark
Germany
Georgia
Italy
Norway
Russia
Serbia
Ukraine
UK

Feel free to scoff and deride my choices – and I’ll meet you back here on Wednesday 15th May to pick over the devastation of the results of the First Semi. Happy Eurovisioning!

Eurovision 2013 – Semi Final Two

Posted on May 2, 2013 by therealchrisparkle

Hello again, and I can see how desperate you are for a run down of this year’s Semi Final Two songs so let’s get on with it! As before, we’ll go through the songs in the order they’ll be performed on Thursday 16th May, and including the range of odds for those bookmakers who will give you an each way bet on the first four places, as it appeared on oddschecker.com on 26th April, and also that all important five star rating. Here we go!

Latvia – PeR – Here We Go

And, Good Lord, that’s the name of the first song. Now, if beatbox is your thing, one of these guys, Edmunds, is very good at it. Trouble is, beatbox isn’t usually a sign of Eurovision success. I think it’s fair to say it’s a slight song – not much substance, more chants and “woh”s, and a lot of “here we go”s. These guys performed at the London Preview Party and there’s no doubting their enthusiasm and willingness to entertain, but it just all fails somehow. Last year they had Disco Superfly in the Latvian final and that was a much better effort. PeR, apparently, stands for “Please Explain The Rhythm”. Could just as easily have been PeA (Please explain the appeal) or PeTswil (Please explain how this song won in Latvia). There it goes. 100-1 to 300-1 *

San Marino – Valentina Monetta – Crisalide

Valentina Monetta returns for San Marino with a song much more suited to her style, although I really did find the Facebook song a lot of fun. Once again the song is written by Uncle Ralph Siegel, and, if nothing else, you have to admire the man’s sheer volume of output. Some have criticised the song for having two minutes of credibility and one minute of cop-out; others think it’s two minutes of dullness partly rescued by one minute of semi-jollity. I’m unsure. I liked it a lot on first hearing but I’m going off it more and more as time goes on. Mind you, “liking a lot on first hearing” is precisely what you want from a Eurovision song. I think this will be San Marino’s first ever qualifier – but I wouldn’t like to say more than that. Interesting video – I haven’t seen that much drama in a red sheet since our honeymoon. 20-1 to 33-1 ***

FYR Macedonia – Esma and Lozano – Pred Da Se Razdeni

Esma and Lozano were originally chosen to sing for FYR Macedonia with a song called Imperija, which was later withdrawn because, apparently, the initial online reaction to it was not very good. So they changed it to Pred Da Se Razdeni, to my mind a far less satisfying little ditty. If you like a spot of Balkan caterwauling you’re in for a treat. There’s no denying that Esma is extraordinary – she’s 69 years old, has performed in over 9,000 concerts in 30 countries; she’s recorded 108 singles, 20 albums and appeared in 6 films – and if that wasn’t enough, she and her late husband have fostered no fewer than 47 children. She even had a song in the comedy film Borat. The song is a culture clash to western ears and I’m afraid it does nothing for me at all. Shame. 100-1 to 300-1 *

Azerbaijan – Farid Mammadov – Hold Me

The first male soloist to represent Azerbaijan in the contest, 21-year-old Farid’s song is a pleasant ballad with a nice key change and a satisfying tune. He’s got a bit of a nasally timbre to his voice which slightly gets on my nerves – maybe he recorded it when he had a cold. The first time I heard it I thought it was a bit rubbish actually – but like a crusty port it improves with age. The song is composed by Dimitris Kontopoulos who’s had a hand in the careers of notables such as Ani Lorak, Sakis Rouvas, Michalis Hatzigiannis and Elena Paparizou. According to wikipedia, so it must be right, Farid’s interests include Greco-Roman wrestling and the Brazilian martial art of Capoeira, so let’s hope he doesn’t get carried away after a few drinks in the Euroclub. 22-1 to 33-1 ***

Finland – Krista Siegfrids – Marry Me

Apparently written to inspire Krista’s long term boyfriend to pop the question, Marry Me is a bright and bouncy singalong tune and Krista and her ladette backing singers go all out to impress as Team Ding Dong. She’s done some stage work and has been on the Finnish version of The Voice, and her participation in this year’s Finnish National Final was an overwhelming success, gaining top points from both televoters and jury. I think it’s fair to say she’s no wallflower; and her energy certainly comes across on stage – she was terrific at the London Preview Party. Although the lyrics put back the emancipation of women by several decades, it’s still one of my favourites this year. 50-1 to 80-1 *****

Malta – Gianluca Bezzina – Tomorrow

If anyone gets taken ill on the night in Malmo and they call out, “is there a Doctor in the house”, Gianluca’s your man, as he’s been a practising doctor since last summer. “Tomorrow” is a deliciously engaging mini saga about Jeremy from IT having his safe and controlled life swept away by a little minx reading the same book as him. Apparently this is about two thirds of an original version of the song, the final third of which resolves what happens when he follows her tomorrow – perhaps one day we’ll find out. Gianluca performed this at the London Preview Party and the whole room joined in with the “Woh – oh, woh – oh”s. Its lightness of touch and its unusual style make it stand out from the crowd and I think we may be looking at Malta’s best result for years. 66-1 to 100-1 *****

Bulgaria – Elitsa and Stoyan – Samo Shampioni

Do you remember the old days of 45 rpm records? If the hole in the middle got enlarged and it didn’t sit centrally on the spindle, it would make the arm and the needle wobble back and forth on the turntable and the music would sound warped as a result. This is clearly the effect Elitsa and Stoyan are trying to recreate with their 2013 entry. They enjoyed a successful fifth place in 2007 with their (IMHO overrated) song Water, but that is like the Hallelujah Chorus in comparison with the dire Samo Shampioni. True, it is a little better than the totally ghastly Kismet that was first chosen, but this is definitely toilet break material for me. 100-1 to 250-1 *

Iceland – Eyþór Ingi Gunnlaugsson – Ég á líf (I Have A Life)

A curious video depicting some sort of supernatural near-drowning incident accompanies this assertive little song about having a life now that Eyþór’s found lurrve. I find its repetitive major chord chorus a little inane but it’s certainly got a charm of its own. Eyþór is from Dalvík in northern Iceland which is where Friðrik Ómar was born, so that’s got to be a good sign. It’s written by Örlygur Smári who has composed Tell Me, This is my life and Je ne sais quoi for Iceland, and Pétur Örn Guðmundsson who’s been a backing vocalist for five Icelandic entries. Eyþór looks like he ought to be a member of a Deep Purple tribute band. Good heavens, he really is a member of a Deep Purple tribute band. He doesn’t really look right for such a gentle song – but maybe that will help it stand out. 100-1 to 250-1 ***

Greece – Koza Mostra feat. Agathonas Iakovidis – Alcohol is Free

Here’s another rather disconcerting video, this time with a creepy old guy (Mr Iakovidis) fingering his moustaches every time he sets eyes on the Koza Mostra boys (who are dressed like they’re from the Clan McAthens). They performed at the London Preview Party and they had great attack. Everything about this song should be crowd pleasing – it’s pacey, with enough traditional Greek instruments to appeal your Zorba complex, and it’s fun – and then it goes and ruins it all by having a woeful chorus that just repeats the title ten times. Mind you some of the other lyrics are a bit weird – according to diggiloo.net they include “The whiskey is not to blame; the ice cubes were methylated and our boat finally has wheels, breathalyser and traffic warden.” That must have been a helluva night on the ouzo. 33-1 to 50-1 **

Israel – Moran Mazor – Rak Bishvilo (Only For Him)

Well now, this is nothing if not dramatic; and after the triteness of the lyrics of the Greek entry, this lyric is Shakespearean in comparison. Moran Mazor sings of how she will basically walk to the ends of the earth Only For Him. Israel’s answer to Adele, Moran is a comely wench with a touch of the secretary about her with those specs and a voice that can belt out a good tune at fifty paces. The song isn’t really my thing, but I recognise that will appeal to many. And it is growing on me. 100-1 to 150-1 ***

Armenia – Dorians – Lonely Planet

From the pen of Black Sabbath’s Tony Iommi comes this soporific piece of soft rock. I actually quite like it – but something about it is so relaxing that I can’t keep awake through its entirety. The group Dorians have been together for five years now and have acquired a loyal fan base and a few awards on the way. Lead singer Gor Sujyan was a backing singer on Apricot Stone a few years ago, and lyricist Vardan Zadoyan also gave us the memorable (sic) words to Jan Jan. Simple but effective video too. It’s one of only two rock songs in this year’s contest and I think it will qualify. 66-1 to 125-1 ***

Hungary – ByeAlex – Kedvesem (My sweetheart)

The first time I heard this I thought it was so laid back it was barely there. But after a few hearings it has really grown on me. Even though – I am assuming dear reader that you are not a native Hungarian speaker – you haven’t got a clue what he’s singing about, his voice has a remarkably expressive tone. And in fact the lyrics are about how his sweetheart is a quirky kind of girl with messy hair who splashes in beautiful seas; and you get the sense of it being a really touching love song. ByeAlex is the nom de chanson of Alex Márta, a 28-year-old journalist from eastern Hungary. I guess the unintelligible language may hold it back on the night, but it really ought to do very well. 80-1 to 200-1 ****

Norway – Margaret Berger – I Feed You My Love

Another arrangement with more than its fair share of technothrob, Margaret Berger gives a steely performance of this unsentimental love song with a really modern feel and striking imagery. It’s a track off her latest album, and was written by Karin Park and Macho Psycho. That’s not the rather butch son of Mr and Mrs Psycho, but a Swedish songwriting/producing team who have worked with Justin Timberlake and the Backstreet Boys amongst others. Miss Berger came second in the second series of Norwegian Idol, beating a certain Maria Haukass Storeng in the process. I think this song is a little off-putting at first, but after a bit it really warms up. I predict Good Things for this third favourite with the bookies. 13-2 to 8-1 *****

Albania – Adrian Lulgjuraj and Bledar Sejko – Identitet (Identity)

Here’s the other rock song in this year’s contest – which has a few folky drums chucked in for good measure too. The first male voices for Albania since 2007 and the first time ever that they haven’t chosen a soloist. Adrian is originally from Montenegro, and Bledar has performed once before at the Festival I Kenges, in 1992, but we don’t talk about that because he came last. He’s a guitarist who created a rock group that had to perform in secret in the late 1980s when the communist regime didn’t allow such hippy things and he was also a backing performer on stage with Aurela Gace in Düsseldorf. I’m not normally one to like the Albanian entries much, but I think this has a lot going for it. 100-1 to 200-1 ***

Georgia – Nodi Tatishvili and Sophie Gelovani – Waterfall

This song seems to be doing well in a number of the fan votes at the moment but to be honest its appeal is passing me by. It’s extremely nice in a drippy bland way – I see it as being like this year’s Running Scared but with much less of a hook in its tune. Nodi and Sophie make good harmonies, that’s for sure; and of course it’s written by Thomas G:son, responsible for wonderful things like Euphoria and I Love You Mi Vida, and also for that execrable In A Moment Like This. Pleasant tune, but too safe and cosy for me. 18-1 to 20-1 **

Switzerland – Takasa – You and Me

Controversial possibly but this remains my favourite song this year. I loved it from the moment I first heard its anthemic ahh ahh ahh’s and I haven’t changed my mind. They are of course the Swiss Salvation Army, who weren’t allowed to wear their uniforms on stage or call themselves the Heilsarmee, and I know they are an institution that may instinctively attract or repel you, depending on your point of view. I’m just taking the song at face value. And I’m also pretty much in awe of Emil who was 95 in February. Takasa, apparently, is a Swahili word meaning “Clean” or “Purify”, but of course it is also an acronym for The Artists Known As Salvation Army. Cheeky! The song is firmly rooted under my skin and staying there for God knows how long. I hope it qualifies. 100-1 to 125-1 *****

Romania – Cezar – It’s My Life

It’s My Life: not that wonderful old Talk Talk song, but a totally dreadful piece of overblown popera by “Cezar The Voice”, or Cezar Florin Ouatu, to give him his full name. Cezar is an established opera singer who has performed at the Lausanne Opera and won best countertenor at a festival in 2003. My advice to him would be to stick with the real thing. Popera is one of my pet hates but I now realise quite how brilliant Malena Ernman’s La Voix is. When Cezar takes to the stage at the end of Thursday evening, expect your crystal glasses to shatter and distant packs of hounds to start baying. 80-1 to 125-1 *

So that concludes Semi Final Two. Now all I have to do is introduce you to the entries of the big 5 and Sweden, who are playing at home this year, and I shall do that very very soon. I’ll also stick my neck out and make some predictions, confirm which are my best and least favourites and also examine another way of assessing songs’ popularity. See you soon!

Eurovision 2013 – Semi Final One

Posted on April 30, 2013 by therealchrisparkle

Mrs Chrisparkle and I have been off on our travels a lot over the past few months and I regret to say that I am not as au fait with all this year’s Eurovision entries as I have been in the past, or would like to be. I do have some special favourites, which I will no doubt recommend to you as the blogs go on. Nevertheless, I am delighted to bring you my preview of this year’s contest, starting with Semi Final One, and we’re looking at the songs in the order that Swedish Television have seen fit to rig (I mean, carefully chosen so as to maximise the viewing public’s satisfaction). As in previous years, I’m also giving you the betting odds, courtesy of oddschecker.com (taking all the bookmakers who will give you the first four places each way, as at 26th April) and also giving each song a star rating out of 5. Semi Final One is the one where UK viewers can vote, by the way, so consider your choice wisely!

Austria – Natália Kelly – Shine

First off is part American, part Brazilian, part Austrian Natália Kelly, whose name features one of the least necessary accents I’ve ever encountered. It’s a nice little song, a bit ploddy, but a good performance should get her off to a reasonable start. However, she performed at the London Preview Party this year, and, if I’m honest, hers wasn’t one of the stand-out performances. She participated in Austria’s 2011 season of The Voice, and she’s still only 18. Music composed by Alexander Kahr, also responsible for Manuel Ortega’s Say A Word in 2002. 66-1 to 100-1 ***

Estonia – Birgit Õigemeel – Et Uus Saaks Alguse (New Beginning)

I think she’s dropping the Õigemeel for the contest, for linguistic ease. I think it’s a shame she’s not dropping the song instead, because I find this extremely tedious. She’s an excellent singer and has had much better songs in the Estonian final before. She’s expecting her first child, so I hope the excitement of the evening doesn’t bring on a medical emergency. The winner of the first Estonian Pop Idol in 2007, she’s played Maria von Trapp on stage (and won) and is studying music at Tallinn University. Is “extremely tedious” a bit harsh? Possibly. It all sounds very pretty but it’s totally forgettable; at least it’s not actively unpleasant. But I’d be very surprised to see it on the Saturday night. 66-1 to 100-1 **

Slovenia – Hannah Mancini – Straight Into Love

I think she’s dropping the Mancini for the contest, because it doesn’t sound a bit like Henry’s output. This is the first upbeat song of the night and it’s not half bad. It’s a decent tune rewarded by a technothrob arrangement, and Hannah herself is a classy looking dame, the second of the night’s American born artistes, who’s even been on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show, and worked with Sheryl Crow and Seal. I’m a bit worried about the poor lad drowning in the blue bath. This will go down well at Eurovision discos. 100-1 to 200-1 ****

Croatia – Klapa s Mora – Mižerja

When I heard that Croatia this year was going to submit a klapa song, I expected something bland out of the Questa Notte stable. However, I think this little melody, sung in a very gently operatic style, is a bit of a stunner. Mižerja had already been chosen as the entry before they selected the individual singers, plucked from other klapa groups around the country, to perform it. OK, it’s a song about misery but it doesn’t sound too downbeat to me. One of the singers, Bojan, was a backing singer on Moja štikla in 2006, so he can obviously do “jolly” too. I don’t suppose the votes will come in like the klapas on the night well but I count it an artistic success. 100-1 to 250-1 ****

Denmark – Emmelie de Forest – Only Teardrops

OK I have to admit that the running order is working for me. After the reflective tranquillity of Croatia comes the out-and-out pop pleaser Only Teardrops performed by the posh sounding Emmelie Charlotte Victoria de Forest. Today’s answer to Sandie Shaw, the beautiful and barefoot Emmelie did an unplugged slower version of the song at the London Preview Party, which showed her talent as a performer but didn’t really suit the song. She’s a bit of an enigma, is our Emmelie, making out that she’s a great-great-granddaughter of Queen Victoria and her dad said he was the illegitimate son of Baron Maurice Arnold de Forest. You decide. Only Teardrops is co-written by Lise Cabble who also penned A Friend in London’s New Tomorrow and Aud Wilken’s Fra Mols til Skagen. So she knows how to write a good song – and this is the bookmakers’ favourite. I like it a lot; I think it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi (see what I did there) that would make it a great song, but nevertheless it’s going to do very well on Saturday night. 6-5 to 13-8 *****

Russia – Dina Garipova – What If

A nauseatingly self-adulating video ruins what is otherwise a nice performance by Dina Garipova of this year’s Russian entry, a slightly old-fashioned ballad but a good tune nonetheless. Ms Garipova has a minor vocal tic that grates with me – when she goes for the high notes she seems to hit another note halfway up for a split-second as if her voice needs a leg-up to get there. 22 year old Dina won last year’s Russian version of The Voice, so is likely to be popular. The English language page of her website is a complete mess. 11-1 to 14-1 ***

Ukraine – Zlata Ognevich – Gravity

On to Ukraine, which is a great improvement on the song before; a catchy number with a terrific staccato arrangement, performed by unquestionably the most beautiful girl in the contest. The composer and lyricist have already between them written eight of the best eastern European entries of the last decade, and I think this is definitely one to watch. Born in Murmansk, her father was a surgeon on a Soviet submarine, and she is a soloist in the Ukrainian Armed Forces’ Song and Dance ensemble. She sang the Kukushka song that came second in Ukraine’s national final in 2011. Something tells me this is not going to win, but it will certainly be in with a chance. 9-2 to 7-1 *****

Netherlands – Anouk – Birds

Well here’s a Marmite entry if ever there was one. Is that Joni Mitchell singing? No it’s the Netherlands’ favourite rock chick Anouk, who’s had a very successful career over the past fifteen years. It was considered quite a coup when Dutch broadcaster TROS announced she would represent them this year. The song is the first single off her most recent album (her eighth), and is stands is 3 minutes 23 seconds long, so they’re going to have to do something about that. My own thoughts are that this will do well with the juries but families at home expecting something boppy and eurovisiony will turn off in droves. It’s different, that’s for sure. Will this be the first Dutch song to make it through the semis since 2004? That’s unsure. 11-1 to 20-1 ***

Montenegro – Who See feat. Nina Žižić – Igranka

And another Marmite entry, and a clash of cultures as folk rock makes way for hip hop. It’s all in Montenegrin, and sounds to my untrained ear like it would be a paean to gangster lifestyle, smacking up bitches and pimping your granny to score some coke. But in fact the translated lyrics are a rather traditional song about going to a jolly party. It reminds me of an updated version of Bulgaria’s 2008 entry DJ, Take Me Away. Whilst the Who See guys are contributing to such musical gems as “Puff after puff” and “Invite some sluts”, it’s amusing to note that by day one of them works in a toy store. I know I’m not the target market for this kind of stuff, but, dammit, actually, I quite like it! Interestingly the youtube video has been seen by over 1.2 million people as at writing, making it one of the most watched of this year’s entries. So who knows how it will do? 100-1 to 200-1 ***

Lithuania – Andrius Pojavis – Something

If you like your Eurovision understated, then this just might be for you. There’s something strangely enthusiastic about Andrius’ downbeat song and downbeat performance that makes it not quite as drab as it ought to be. I’m not really selling it, am I? There’s no way this is going to qualify, but I don’t hate it. His face looks as though he is singing a totally different song, which adds to its general unwordliness. He doesn’t care about note accuracy too much either. Maybe he’s Lithuania’s answer to Morrissey. 80-1 to 300-1 ***

Belarus – Alyona Lanskaya – Solayoh

With the country’s usual transparent voting integrity, last year’s disgraced Belarussian national final winner Alyona returns with a new song, that is naturally not the one that won in Minsk last December. Solayoh is a bouncy, clappy, singalong song that gets under your skin even though you’d prefer it to stay where it was. It’s all about the joy of dancing in the sunshine, even though it’s night time; nothing wrong with that. The music is by Marc Paelinck who was responsible for Chiara’s What if We and Xandee’s One Life, both stonking good tunes. Alyona’s quite a sweet thing, and I think this is borderline qualifying. 25-1 to 80-1 ***

Moldova – Aliona Moon – O mie (A Million)

Confusion hath made its masterpiece! Alyona followed by Aliona! SVT didn’t think that through properly. It’s not the only confusion either – the English version as sung in this video is A Million, whereas the literal translation of O Mie is a thousand… We’re talking a discrepancy of several noughts-worth of exaggeration here. No matter, it’s actually a terrific little tune sung with passion and conviction by the lovely Aliona, who needs to change her hair gel. Last year she was a backing singer for the Lăutar himself, Pasha Parfeny, and this year he has done her the honour of writing O Mie for her. To get into the final it will have to do without Romania’s twelve points, as they’re voting in Semi Final Two. I think it will make it though. 66-1 to 100-1 *****

Ireland – Ryan Dolan – Only Love Survives

After a few moody numbers it’s time to go upbeat again. Not really a disco stomper, more a disco swayer, Only Love Survives is a pleasing tune that embeds itself in your psyche so that it bursts out of your brain every so often and you’ve no choice but to go with it. Ryan Dolan is a personable young chap from Northern Ireland, and he’s co-written the song. It’s no masterpiece but definitely one of this year’s best. 25-1 to 80-1 *****

Cyprus – Despina Olympiou – An Me Thimase (If You Remember Me)

Here’s a song that improves every time you hear it, which of course is pants as far as the Eurovision is concerned because you need that immediate impact. Despina Olympiou is a singer of great reputation and experience in Cyprus, whose career started over 20 years ago. She studied piano at Trinity College London, and has recorded with both Eurovision’s own Stereo Mike and Michalis Hatzigiannis and indeed An Me Thimase’s lyricist Zenon Zindilis also wrote the lyrics for Mr Hatzigiannis’ Genesis back in 1998. It’s a winsome gentle ballad, but without douze points coming from Greece (they’re voting in the other semi) I don’t think this will make it to Saturday. 100-1 to 200-1 **

Belgium – Roberto Bellarosa – Love Kills

When I first heard this song I was instantly taken with its great hook in the chorus, and I still find it a really catchy song. Unfortunately since its first airing it’s undergone some tarting up and prettifying, which has resulted in some of its raw energy being lost. Nevertheless it’s still a good song, and if 18 year old Roberto Bellarosa, who won the first season of The Voice in Belgium, can nail the vocals it really ought to sail through to the final. It’s co-written by Iain Farquharson who wrote 2011’s Azerbaijani winner Running Scared, and Andreas Anastasiou who wrote the Cyprus entry for 2011. Listen to this and you’ll be doing “love kills over and over” in the shower tomorrow morning. 100-1 to 200-1 ****

Serbia – Moje 3 – Ljubav je svuda (Love is Everywhere)

The elements are all there – sexily clad young ladies, a boppy arrangement, and it’s written by the lyricists of Molitva, Ovo je Balkan and Nije ljubav stvar; but for me this just doesn’t add up to the sum of its parts. I find the chorus more irritating than catchy – that bit where the notes run up and down the scale really grates! I’m sure it will do well and get into the final with ease, but I’ll not be voting for it. 40-1 to 80-1 **

So don’t forget to watch Semi Final One on Tuesday 14th May on BBC3 – and if you’re in the UK, vote! I’ll be back with a preview of Semi Final Two ‘ere long.

Just checking in

Posted on November 23, 2012 by therealchrisparkle

Greetings, dear reader. Thought I’d just drop by to see how you’re doing; well, I hope! That’s good. Oh, I’m fine too, thank you for asking.

If you’re a regular reader, you’ll know that what you normally get here is a lot of theatre stuff, a bit of travel, the occasional Eurovision meanderings and the odd what-not. Well, I had planned a nice set of travel blogs for you about our fascinating trip to India, that should have been going on at this very moment in time. Unfortunately, owing to circumstances beyond our control, this trip has had to be postponed – probably until this time next year. So not only am I unable to bring you first hand experiences of Jaisalmer, Jodhpur, Udaipur and Pushkar, I also haven’t got any theatre trips booked for the moment. Next planned theatrical extravaganza is for about three weeks time when we will be taking in the Menier’s Merrily We Roll Along – that should be excellent.

So here’s a chance to look forward to some more great shows that will be coming our way – and by consequence yours once I’ve written about them – into December and the New Year. After Merrily, we’ve got some Christmas shows – the Northampton Derngate’s panto Cinderella, and their festive play, A Christmas Carol; we’ll be going up to Sheffield again to see their panto, Cinderella (again, shame), and their new production of My Fair Lady, which I expect will be brilliant. We’ll be going into London to see the first of the new Michael Grandage season at the Noel Coward Theatre, Privates on Parade – that’s one of my favourite plays; Mrs Chrisparkle has never seen it, and I took my first girlfriend to see the original production back when I was 17, so that will be nice. Spymonkey are reviving their Cooped at the Royal Northampton, which should be a laugh; we’ve got the touring productions of The Ladykillers and Matthew Bourne’s Sleeping Beauty at Milton Keynes, as well as the next in the series of Royal Philharmonic Concerts at the Derngate. And that’s all in January!

February sees the return of the Trocks to the Birmingham Hippodrome – we always have to see them, as their combination of skill and comedy is out of this world. We’ll be seeing Sheffield’s new Full Monty, the return of A Chorus Line to the Palladium (still my favourite show of all time), Ellen Kent’s production of Carmen, which boasts a real Andalucian Stallion – not sure if that’s simply “bigging up” the guy playing Escamillo; and the touring production of The 39 Steps at Northampton which will be a hoot. March brings the prospect of The Book of Mormon in London (can’t wait) plus a comedy gig from Harry Hill. So there’s definitely loads to look forward to. I think the Royal and Derngate announce their spring season next week, so no doubt the credit card will be working overtime again.

Early January will also see the Third Annual Chrisparkle Awards, a star studded gala gathered on my desktop to select the finest contributions of the year. In 2010 The Big Fellah, Thomas Morrison, Tracie Bennett, Matthew Bourne’s Swan Lake and Paul Sinha won best new play, best actor, best actress, best dance, and best standup. Last year it was One Man Two Guvnors, Derek Jacobi, Gina McKee, The Trocks and Jason Byrne. Who will be festooned with plaudits this year? Only a few weeks till we find out.

And of course we are coming in to the Eurovision season. So early, you ask? Absolutely. Lithuania have already had three heats and (I think) five countries are choosing their songs in December. Preparations get earlier and earlier every year. Swedish Television have already made their mark on next year’s contest by shaking it up a bit. For the first time that all important running order will be decided by the show’s producers rather than by a random draw. The idea is that they can construct a more balanced programme by choosing a suitable order for the songs. That will probably work; but every fan knows that you can’t win from second position, and that every winner since 2004 has come from the 17th – 24th slot, so this is highly manipulative of the final outcome. Personally, I’m not happy about it. The fans who go to Malmo will also be largely standing in the centre of the stadium, which again will probably look lively on TV but will be a pain in the legs for some people, and anyone on the short side probably won’t get value for money for their €345. Still, it’s all good fun, isn’t it!

So please consider this meandering blogpost as representative of work in progress. It’s like one of those spacers you’re meant to put against the wall when you’re trying to do some tiling – not very attractive in itself but a tool to separate two more important items of décor. Or maybe like a red carpet; a glamorous conduit leading VIPs from one artistic event to another. Or just as a filler because I have nothing else to blog about at the moment.

Eurovision Semi Final Two 2012 – The Morning After

Posted on May 25, 2012 by therealchrisparkle

Owing to the lateness of the arrival of Mrs Chrisparkle slaying dragons in London business meetings late into teatime, our Semi Final Two started at approximately 9.15pm, but fortunately the chase play thingy worked ok so we didn’t miss out. I had even timed it so that I remembered at about 9.30 to stop watching for a bit and phone in my votes for my bets, I mean favourites.

After a splendid gluten-free Waitrose Bolognese Pasta treat, and munching deeply on Lady Duncansby’s roulade, it was time to assess those Semi Final Two performances. As on Tuesday, the goal was to find out own personal ten favourites who we would put through to Saturday’s final.

Serbia – A performance full of class that we all appreciated. Lady D announced her approval of it within seconds of the violin striking up. “Those sleeves are distracting” said Mrs C. There’s no pleasing some people. All three said yes.

FYR Macedonia – Its slow and slightly weird first verse alienated Lady D who said “no” a number of times. Mrs C stayed silent. I thought it was an incredibly good performance. Lady D succumbed a little to its rockier charm in the second verse. Mrs C still silent. I was very impressed. All agreed to send it to the final.

Netherlands – Within seconds of it starting Lady D was loving it. I’ve never been a fan of this song and I didn’t think Joan sang very well. Her notes were all over the place at times. By the second verse Lady D and Mrs C were swaying from side to side but I was resolutely not joining in. By the end they had fashioned a tomahawk out of a piece of cheese and were erecting a wigwam in the dining room. It just doesn’t do it for me. However, when I added up my scores in the end I found it was still just in my top ten so we all put it through.

Malta – The living room erupted into a glittering ballroom of enjoyment. Kurt did a really good performance, the stage and light show were terrific and we’ve all promised to practise our pointy shoe shuffle for Saturday night. My top score of the night. Unanimous approval.

Belarus – How many times have they changed this arrangement? It’s got slightly rockier again and I thought their live performance was better than the one on the CD. Mrs C does a similar trick with the microphone stands when she’s attempting pilates. Another song that we all gave a tick to.

Portugal – It did precisely what it said on the tin. A very good performance, even if Mrs C and Lady D made defamatory comments about Filipa’s legs. Good quality entry but just not my plate of bacalhau. Despite saying she’s not into Fado, Mrs C was the only one to approve.

Ukraine – another Sara Cox guffaw moment when she likened Gaetana to a Dolmio puppet. I felt it was much better as a studio recording than a live performance – there were too many holes in the wall of sound. Lady D thought the backing dancers were fresh out of I Claudius. We did enjoy the albeit pixilated effect of the people dancing behind her – one way to get out of the 6 person only rule. Still uplifting though, so we all put it through.

Bulgaria – Oh no, said Lady D, not at all. And we all kind of agreed. It was ok but she got a bit screechy at times. I thought Portugal was a better example of its genre than this song was of its (club style thing) and as I voted Portugal quite low I had to vote this lower. Mrs C surprised us by choosing to promote it to Saturday material.

Slovenia – Quite nice, but just not quite nice enough was the general consent. I made a rather sexist remark associating the lead backing singer and with the generously proportioned underwear outlet Bravissimo. This was the first song that none of us selected.

Croatia – And this was the second. Lady D was aghast at Nina’s knees. It also had very silly dancers. Embarrassingly so. I wrote down the phrase “deliberately awful”.

Sweden – Of all the songs in the contest this is the one that, despite my better judgment, has been VERY slowly growing on me. I still think it fails in many ways but it does have a je ne sais quoi, something I just can’t explain. Her appearance is something akin to a flesh-eating zombie Kate Bush. Lady D noted that it was nice to see Mr T again doing the dancing. Direkt til Baku.

Georgia – Awful song and ragged performance; although I did think it was a bit unfair for Anri to have to perform in the remains of Loreen’s dandruff. The worst attempt at bongo drumming I’ve ever seen. Zilch.

Turkey – I find this song intensely irritating and I thought it was another poorish performance. Still, it’s Turkey, so what can you say. It snuck in as my number 10 and Lady D also begrudgingly gave it a thumbs up.

Estonia – He really has changed the performance of this song hasn’t he? I didn’t like it much before and I probably haven’t changed my mind – it sounds really overperformed now. Mrs C actually suggested pressing the fast forward button. There was, however, some mild appreciation of Mr Lepland’s rather famous charisma implant, noticeable from most angles. Not enough for any of us to vote for him though.

Slovakia – Lady D confessed she didn’t mind the song, and to be honest I quite like it too. I thought Max was out of tune for most of the performance – pitched far too high, unlike his waistband. Nul points.

Norway – Thought it had a bit of a ropey start, and a bit of a ropey end, but somehow he got through it ok. Catchy enough to survive. Three votes for yes.

Bosnia Herzegovina – Dull, dull, dull. Performed quite well. Dull, dull, dull. No votes.

Lithuania – A great performance of a slushy song. Not much more to say really. The PC part of me finds the whole blindfold thing a bit tasteless. Lady D and I put this through.

So the scores for last night were that Lady D and I both got 8/10 and Mrs C just 6/10. Just the big night on Saturday to look forward to now!

Eurovision Semi Final One 2012 – The Morning After

Posted on May 23, 2012 by therealchrisparkle

So here’s just a brief resumé of the activities and reactions at Lady Duncansby’s Manor last night as we sat down to watch the first Semi of 2012. Lady Duncansby had instructed Cook to prepare a fine repast of Pork steaks and salad, topped and tailed with an excellent variety of crisps and some tasty olives. We also got through a few bottles of El Vino Exquisito. Each team’s task was to identify their ten favourites to progress through to Saturday’s final.

Montenegro – Rambo Amadeus looked all the world like an embarrassing relative late in the evening at a wedding reception. Blank faces of disbelief all round. No takers.

Iceland – General approval, although I thought it was a little ragged – I expected a crisper performance. Good enough though. Got the green light from all three of us.

Greece – Slightly out of tune, but who cares when you’ve got legs like that. We’re all suckers for a bouzouki disco number. It’s a yes from everybody.

Latvia – Mrs Chrisparkle thought the first line was “I was born in Bicester 1980” which gave it an unexpected local interest. Lady D gave it a firm “no” before Annmary had had a chance to do much name-dropping. I’ve always liked this but felt it didn’t work. Nevertheless, after we had done all our tallying by the end of the evening, we all had this progressing to the final.

Albania – This song plumbs emotional depths that go sailing over the top of our heads. Mrs C noted that whoever did her facial make-up should be shot. We all guffawed at Sara Cox’s observations on Rona’s hairdo. Just too over the top for me. No one put it in their top ten.

Romania – It’s catchy, but is it art? Mrs C and Lady D were bopping away in their chairs whilst I still failed to get it. Considering the lead singer clearly had earpiece problems she kept in tune amazingly well. Our first split decision – Mandinga were in Lady D and Mrs C’s teams but not mine.

Switzerland – Loved the light show, and felt the guys did a great job. We all loved it, and all had it sailing into the final.

Belgium – After about five notes were played Lady D had got bored enough to discuss the latest Debenhams sale with Mrs C. After a shaky start Iris got into her stride but it really is an immensely tedious experience. Three rejects.

Finland – The ladies were divided on the dress, the hair, the make-up. We were however all unanimous on the boring. Sorry Pernilla, it’s a no from us.

Israel – Having liked this a lot in the pre-season, I was surprised how lifeless it appeared on stage. The lead singer came across as a bit creepy and the two backing singers posing with each other just looked stupid. Terribly cheesy. Mrs C put it through though.

San Marino – The song having been the butt of so many run-up-to-the-contest jokes, I was expecting something dreadful. What I wasn’t expecting was Valentina’s super performance. The prevalence of uh oh oh ohs on the backdrop didn’t enhance the song, but we still liked it enough to all vote for it. Beep beep.

Cyprus – My favourite song of the year. Not sure if Ivi sang it well, as I couldn’t hear her over the sound of me singing along. I must have given an impressive performance though as we all voted for it.

Denmark – Nicely dressed troupe but still dull. Didn’t register with anyone – no votes.

Russia – I wasn’t expecting six classically trained voices but really they are awful. Not only out of tune but out of time too. Not sure about the oven – even in Buranovo I bet they rely on microwaves. Yes the little one is cute but the camera dwelt far too much on her. Virtually unspeakable in every way, but only Mrs C didn’t put it forward.

Hungary – This song has been one of my firm favourites for the last few months and I was pleased that the guys absolutely nailed the performance. About a third of the way through Lady D announced that she really didn’t like it at all. Two thirds of the way through Mrs C agreed with her. That left just me raving about it.

Austria – I was surprised how this song completely lacked energy. The preview videos may have given you a sense of the obscene or depraved but it somehow it always got down and dirty in a funky sort of way. On the night I thought it was extremely boring. Lady D and Mrs C just had “Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells” looks on their faces. No support.

Moldova – I’m just loving this more and more each time I hear it. It oozes fun and I’m a big fan. Lady D wokked her popo to it. Mrs C felt by about 2 minutes 30 that it was “a bit samey”. Nevertheless we all gave it the thumbs up.

Ireland – The ladies approved of Jedward’s altered hair. Lady D already had the song down as one of her big faves and we all agreed it was an excellent performance. Unanimous approval.

So Lady D and I both got 7/10 and Mrs C got 6/10 – should have gone to Buranovskiye Specsavers.

Eurovision 2012 – The Grand Final

Posted on May 10, 2012 by therealchrisparkle

Thanks for sticking with me through this grisly preview of this year’s 42 Eurovision entries. It’s time to consider the Big 5 and the home nation Azerbaijan who are all guaranteed to make it to the Grand Final on the evening of Saturday 26th May (or if you’re in Azerbaijan, the morning of Sunday 27th May). They’re in the order of appearance and I’ve given you their oddschecker.com odds as at 4th May as well as those magic Chrisparkle stars.

UK – Love will set you free – Engelbert Humperdinck

I don’t think anyone would have predicted that Engelbert would sing at Eurovision, but of course his song “Another Time Another Place” was in the running for the UK’s 1971 entry. There’s little doubt that it’s a delicate and well constructed song, and once you hear it start, you have to listen to the end. 120 million people watching live shouldn’t phase Engelbert on the night and I think his performance will be a masterclass. The song’s written by Martin Terefe and Sacha Skarbek who between them have worked with Lana Del Rey, James Blunt, Adele, James Morrison and Mary J Blige, and they’re just the ones I’ve heard of. Sadly for the UK it’s first off the block on Saturday night so everyone will have forgotten about it by the time they get to televote. Still I think the juries will like it and I’m hoping for a top ten finish. 10-1 to 14-1 ****

France – Echo (You and I) – Anggun

This is one of those odd entries that sounds like three totally different songs stuck together with some sellotape. Anggun herself has a career as long as your arm and has recorded with such notables as Peter Gabriel, Julio Iglesias and Ronan Keating. I’d like to like this more than I do but something holds me back – it doesn’t quite make it for me. In fact some aspects of the instrumentation I find rather irritating. But I’m fully prepared to accept that’s my fault and not the lovely Anggun’s. The less said about the attractions of the video the better. 40-1 to 100-1 ***

Italy – L’amore è femmina – Nina Zilli

Considering Italy came second with what I thought was rather a drab number last year, surely they can go one better in 2012 with this quirky, funky song. Nina is a sassy dame with more than a passing resemblance, musically and visually, to La Winehouse about her. Back to Black with a touch of Boom Boom. Nice top she’s wearing – Mrs C bought the same one from Primark only a few days ago. Too many cooks spoil the broth doesn’t seem to apply this time, with no fewer than five people credited as the song’s authors. Let’s hope she doesn’t arbitrarily mime on the night as we wouldn’t want a case of willy-nilly Milli Vanilli Zilli. 5-1 to 8-1 *****

Azerbaijan – When the music dies – Sabina Babayeva

Sabina Babayeva takes on all the troubles of the world in this rather depressing, fin-de-relationship song that definitely showcases her superb singing talent. Written by the team behind Drip Drop and Running Scared, it could do well if Europe’s in a wrist-slitting mood. She’s got a wind machine that Carola would kill for. The lyrics, inspired by Imelda Marcos, start with “Shoe are my best friend…” Not many laughs in this one. 28-1 to 40-1 **

Spain – Quedate conmigo – Pastora Soler

Singing from position 19, which has got to be a good one, here’s Pastora Soler’s big belter, arguably this year’s best female ballad. A great voice and a tune that bursts into your head at about 3.30 in the morning. Part written by Thomas G:son, this is his second entry in this year’s contest as he also has a major hand in Loreen’s Euphoria. For me this is a song that grows and grows but if you watch the show in an atmosphere of light-hearted shallowness (heaven forbid) it might just pass you by. One of those dangerous entries that is probably too classy for the contest. 12-1 to 20-1 ***

Germany – Standing still – Roman Lob

Not a 2000 year old version of the shot put, Roman Lob is a personable young man with a fine voice and a modern song written by Jamie Cullum, Wayne Hector and Steve Robson who between them have the better part of the last fifteen years of songwriting sewn up – Take That, Westlife, James Morrison, JLS, One Direction, Olly Murs and Busted are just a handful of the acts who have had huge hits with their songs. It took a little while for me to really like this song – Mrs C loved it before Herr Lob had finished his opening line. Berlin next year? 16-1 to 20-1 *****

Now here’s an interesting little observation. Which ten songs do you think have received the biggest number of hits on youtube? I’m just analysing the videos on the eurovision.tv channel, mind you, it would take all day to add up everyone’s uploads. This is as at about 6pm on May 10th.

Let me put you out of your misery. They are:

10th – Romania (442,233)
9th – Montenegro (445,113)
8th – Greece (455,910)
7th – Croatia (556,548)
6th – Germany (575,777)
5th – Azerbaijan (629,792)
4th – Turkey (717,298)
3rd – United Kingdom (747,779)
2nd – Cyprus (1,200,695)
1st – Russia (1,717,780)

Extrapolate from that what you will.

So now it’s head above the parapet time and first I’m going to give you my top ten favourites:

In at number 10, the pop prince of Persia, it’s the hoodie Tooji for Norway.

Making a decent showing at number 9 the simple clarity and beauty of the song from Engelbert for the UK.

At number 8 bring in the bouncy castle for the terrible twosome from Ireland, the exuberant Jedward.

In at number 7 it’s Nina Pretty Ballerina, or very nearly, it’s Time from Israel.

At number 6 it’s the sassy Amy Winehouse wannabe from Italy, Nina Zilli and L’amore e femmina.

And now for my top 5:

Showing positive discrimination in favour of the Beatles against the Rolling Stones and making departure lounge dancing fashionable again, my 5th favourite of the year is Annmary’s Beautiful Song from Latvia.

My 4th favourite song and a complete guilty pleasure, with the cheesiest chat up line ever, this trumpet makes you mine girl, it’s the irresistibly jolly Lautar from Moldova and Pasha Parfeny.

My 3rd favourite song used to be my first favourite but I have just started to slightly reassess it down a little – but I still love it, and I think she is absolutely gorgeous, it’s Mr and Mrs Eleftheriou’s daughter Eleftheria with her shopping mall hit, Aphrodisiac for Greece.

My 2nd favourite song is one that I keep coming back to, loved it from the first time I heard its opening chords and I still do, it’s that brilliant Sound of our Hearts from Compact Disco from Hungary.

Honourable mentions go to Malta and Germany – really good songs and performers who just failed to make my top ten – but my number one is a choice I feel a little guilty about because the lyrics aren’t great but who cares when it’s such a feel good song. My favourite this year is the eminently wonderful extraordinarily catchy and bouncy bouncy entry from Cyprus and Ivi Adamou’s La La Love.

When all the dust is settled after the contest and the statisticians have been working away for a few days, they will no doubt announce the bottom five of the whole 42; and here is my prediction of the songs that will be the furthest away from qualifying for the Saturday night:

38th the wandering donkey of Montenegro

39th a song that starts nice but then you drift off and that’s Croatia

40th the very nice song but I don’t think it will make an impression coming from Finland

41st a bit shouty for a Thursday evening which must be Slovakia

42nd and as dull as ditchwater, Belgium.

Of the songs that I think will qualify but then end up flapping around anxiously like fish on a slab, my bottom five for Saturday night are:

22nd the grannies from Russia – cute they may be but I think the juries will loathe their banal lyrics

23rd maybe controversial – but I think this will simply be almost everyone’s 11th favourite and therefore not score much and that’s France

24th it might be useful for him to keep his blindfold on during the scoring and that’s Lithuania

25th a personal favourite but I just can’t see it scoring much – the song from Israel

26th Europe shows extreme good taste and ignores Anri from Georgia in its droves.

And finally – my predictions for the top ten on Saturday night.

In 10th place, not one of my favourites but I think will do well – Slovenia

In 9th place, another that I think will do better than it warrants, and that’s Turkey

In 8th place, I think reputation and hopefully a good performance will give UK a top ten position

In 7th place the raunchy expressiveness that is Gaitana’s Be my guest for Ukraine

6th – what more can one say but the increasing popular Jedward for Ireland

5th a song that I think ought to be much better than it is, but I think will do very well and that’s Romania

In 4th place, I’m expecting very great things from the Toojmeister of Norway

In 3rd place, a good song and a very very popular singer in many countries, Zeljko for Serbia

In 2nd place, the excellent song with a great singer and pedigree and Mrs C’s favourite – that’s Herr Lob from Germany

But my winner is a country that went really high last year with a song that I thought was just ok, and this year I feel their song is way better, so I can only predict they will go from second last year to first this year and that’s Italy.

Please feel free to mock and scoff at my likes and my predictions, but whatever you do, have a magnificent Eurovision!

Eurovision 2012 – Semi Final Two

Posted on May 2, 2012 by therealchrisparkle

Welcome back, gentle reader, to the second part of my Eurovision preview for this year, and the songs from Semi Final Two. Once again I’ll be taking the songs in the order in which they will appear on the night (that of Thursday 24th May), and giving you the range of betting odds courtesy of oddschecker.com (taking all the bookmakers who will give you the first four places as each way, as at 24th April) and also my much-coveted star rating out of five. Let’s have no more ado!

Serbia – Nije Ljubav Stvar – Željko Joksimović

It feels like several years ago now that they announced Željko would participate for Serbia again and I remember thinking to myself, well that’s it, he’s won the whole shebang then. But now I’ve heard the song a few times I am not so sure. It feels very classy, and you have to admire the confidence of having a (rather sumptuous) forty second orchestral introduction; but then it kind of descends into nothing much – especially on first hearing. It’s unfortunate that English ears discern “doggy poo” in the first few words. He’s super-popular so a top 5 finish would not remotely surprise me. But it’s no Lane Moje. 12-1 to 14-1 ***

FYR Macedonia – Crno i Belo – Kaliopi

Now here’s a thing. You expect another boring Balkan ballad and you get this instead. At first Kaliopi’s voice sounds like’s it’s seen a few hard winters but it really lends atmosphere and expression to the song. Then you get the relatively high pitched notes of the chorus, which take you by surprise, and finally she turns into a rock chick. Well, a bit. So this is anything but boring. According to wikipedia, so it must be true, she’s released 11 albums and 47 singles, and she’s had her own record label for the past twelve years. Serious lyrics and a good tune combine to make this the best song from the FYR since, possibly, ever. 80-1 to 200-1 ***

Netherlands – You and Me – Joan

Yet another Marmite song, and this time I’m on the side that prefers jam. Much has been made of Joan’s dipping into the dressing-up box for no apparent reason, but if she keeps the headdress on and space is tight in the Crystal Hall she might have to sidle on to the stage. Personally her accent grates on me like a hundred Lenas and clashes with the delicacy of the tune of the verse. When the chorus kicks in I’ve had enough. The song is a “I wish I were a punk rocker with flowers in my hair”-wannabe, and I genuinely don’t understand why it’s so popular. 50-1 to 100-1 **

Malta – This is the Night – Kurt Calleja

Now here’s a song that’s benefited hugely from its post-final, pre-Baku makeover. There’s no doubt that the song itself is pretty derivative and somewhat repetitive, but Kurt does a good job presenting it, and I have to confess my spirits lift when I hear the opening bars. Make his day and sing along with the eh eh eh eh’s. If you meet him in Azerbaijan, ask him to do his impersonation of Spongebob Squarepants. 80-1 to 200-1 ****

Belarus – We are the Heroes – Litesound

And here’s the opposite of the previous song, in that somewhere between the Belarus final (which of course it didn’t win) and the final version, We are the Heroes has lost a lot of its rocky power and is in danger of becoming bland. You have to hand it Litesound, they’ve been plugging away at representing Belarus since the times of the last Czar, and they’ve finally made it. An anagram of their name is “Nudes Toil”. I used to like this, and I do still, somewhat – but it’s fading. 50-1 to 100-1 **

Portugal – Vida Minha – Filipa Sousa

The gentle sun’s rays warming your heart; the waves lapping at your tootsies; the sky as blue as Picasso’s 1901 to 1904 period; is it just me or does this song make you think of Mediterranean beaches? Nicely soporific but rather forgettable. The lovely Filipa comes from the Operação Triunfo stable, but I think her chances of reaching Saturday night have long bolted. 100-1 to 200-1 **

Ukraine – Be my guest – Gaitana

Controversy at home with a leading Ukrainian politician not happy that the part-Congolese Gaitana is representing what he would no doubt prefer to be their Aryan nation. Let’s move on and consider instead that it’s a bright and bouncy song, and it’s nice that Ruslana lent them her trembitas for a bit of Hutsul ethnicity. Lyrically it’s somewhat undemanding, basically being a three minute musical “hello”. Her father is apparently head of telecommunications in Congo, so there might be a surprisingly large televote from Brazzaville. Great for unwittingly embarrassing yourself behind the steering wheel at traffic lights. 40-1 to 100-1 ****

Bulgaria – Love Unlimited – Sofi Marinova

Nothing to do with Barry White in the 1970s, Sofi’s a modern girl with a modern lifestyle – being not only once married to the father of her son but also having a long term relationship with one of his other sons too, or at least so says Wiki. When the tune gets really high-pitched she sounds to me as though she becomes Chinese, but she is apparently an all-Bulgarian girl. Very clubby, I quite like it, despite all its “dorem dem dem deis”. 100-1 to 200-1 ***

Slovenia – Verjamem – Eva Boto

I always think I don’t like this very much, but when I’m forced to hear I have to admit it’s not bad. It has a very dreamy quality, and I quite like the use of the Ravel’s Bolero snare drums during the ah ah ah ah bit. She also has a small stab at a Marija Šerafović-style ooh ooh ooh before the final chorus, but comes off second best. Check out the video if you want to admire the four biggest fascinators you’ve ever seen. Pretty impressive for a 16 year old. 50-1 to 100-1 ***

Croatia – Nebo – Nina Badrić

The guitar intro sounds quite beguiling but you quickly realise this song commits the cardinal sin of being boring. To compensate they’ve constructed a video that ought to accompany a completely different song – and she’s never going to get those sheets folded that way. Nothing to see here, ladies and gentlemen, move along if you please. 80-1 to 150-1 *

Sweden – Euphoria – Loreen
Here’s the spoke I’m going to stick into this year’s Eurovision works. For me this is a triumph of style over content. Loreen is a great singer and she puts in a magnificent performance, all three syllables of her. But the song really is nothing special. Full of pauses and gaps, whenever it gathers momentum it loses it again. If this were Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound, it would need serious attention to the pointing. Built around the “up up up up up up” gimmick it doesn’t so much soar like an eagle, more hop like a wallaby. People love it though. Please address your complaints about my comments to the WordPress Customer Satisfaction Office. 2-1 to 12/5 ***

Georgia – I’m a Joker – Anri Jokhadze

I’m a joker proclaims Anri Jokhadze. No you’re not, you’re a pillock, replies Europe en masse. A pompously sub-operatic start leads into shouty unmusical drivel that points out that this song is going nowhere; but it goes there anyway – relentlessly. I don’t like to be negative but I can see no alternative with this entry. I’m not surprised he’s trying to hide in that photo. Buttock-clenchingly awful. 80-1 to 200-1 *

Turkey – Love Me Back – Can Bonomo

There are times when you can take a metaphor too far. This is one of those times. Chirpy Can is stuck on board his ship, sing hey nonny nonny. To be fair it has an interesting ethnic lilt but its essential silliness quashes any real credibility to which it might have aspired. His “seeng weeth meee my children” has something of a creepy Phantom of the Opera to it. My ship is made from hope, she’s searching for your bay, well you know what sailors are, mind the gangway. 20-1 to 33-1 **

Estonia – Kuula – Ott Lepland

I’ve not been very charitable with these songs, have I? Unfortunately it’s not going to improve much here. There’s nothing problematic with this song, it’s just a bit dull. I’m beginning to find it almost endurable after twelve or so listenings but that doesn’t sound to me like a recipe for Eurovision victory. There’s only so many times one can hear the word “kuula” and continue to pay attention – so while your mind wanders, you can have a lot of fun juggling with his name – Ott le Pland; Ottle Pland; Planet Dolt (not my invention but I approve); there must be more. Three minutes later and he’s stopped emoting. Thank goodness for that. 33-1 to 100-1 ***

Slovakia – Don’t Close Your Eyes – Max Jason Mai

This year’s raucous entry – if it isn’t Finnish, it’s bound to be Slovakian. It’s not my kind of thing but I don’t think it’s bad for its genre. Max came second in Czechoslovak Idol in 2009. He sports the statutorily required hairstyle for this metallic rock stuff. A bit tedious, but livened up by a surprisingly tuneful chorus. 100-1 to 150-1 ***

Norway – Stay – Tooji

I was a little disappointed when they chose Tooji to represent Norway as there were a few songs that I preferred in their National Final. However, with the wisdom of hindsight I think they made the right decision. The Pop Prince of Persia (he lived in Iran for his first year) is sponsored by the Norwegian hoodie industry and commands the stage with this quirky upbeat number that out-Saades Eric. Mrs Tooji Senior is persona non grata in Tehran so Baku will be the opportunity for a big family reunion. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Toojmeister in the high end of the scoreboard on the Saturday night. 16-1 to 25-1 ****

Bosnia Herzegovina – Korake Ti Znam – Maya Sar

Vying with, and just beating, Croatia for the title of the Ultimate Snoozefest 2012. Even the opening orchestral chords sound like a disappointed sigh. It’s a dark and dingy song which potters along quietly whilst your mind wanders onto other slightly less tedious things. Sadly forgettable. Maya was Dino Merlin’s keyboard player last year. 66-1 to 125-1 *

Lithuania – Love is Blind – Donny Montell

Plucky Donny has been battering at the Lithuanian Eurovision door for a few years now and in 2012 finally its hinges gave way. Empathising with the Disability Discrimination Act more than is legally required, it’s quite a good tune, but the lyrics are rather trite and schmaltzy, and put together it just comes across as a huge dollop of wet. I really hate that self-indulgent bit before the second chorus. A good draw though, so I expect we will see Vilnius Blind Man’s Buff in the Final. 50-1 to 150-1 ***

And that concludes the prosecution case for the second semi final. I can’t quite stretch to a 5* for any of these, but Malta, Ukraine and Norway come closest. I’ll be back fairly shortly with my assassination, I mean preview, of the Big 5 plus Azerbaijan, and I’ll pin my colours to the mast with a few predictions.

Eurovision 2012 – Semi Final One

Posted on April 26, 2012 by therealchrisparkle

Another year has flown by so it’s time to take a look at this year’s Eurovision runners and riders. We’ll start off with Semi Final One, taking the songs in the order in which they will appear on the night (the night in question being Tuesday 22nd May), and not only do you have the range of betting odds courtesy of oddschecker.com (taking all the bookmakers who will give you the first four places as each way, as at 24th April) but I’m also giving each song a star rating out of five, just for a laugh. So here goes!

Montenegro – Euro Neuro – Rambo Amadeus

So anyone who hasn’t watched Eurovision for a few years will get a bit of a shock if they tune in to Tuesday’s Semi-Final and are expecting the usual Boom banga dinga dinga. That Mr Amadeus is a wag, isn’t he? Known for being subversive with his music he’s come up with this anti-bureaucratic anti-governmental anti-modern age ditty that is too clever for its own good. The video is visually quite entertaining but musically it’s going to have people switching off in droves. 80-1 to 200-1 **

Iceland – Never Forget – Gréta Salóme and Jónsi

Not the old crowd pleaser by Take That, but something that sounds like a pivotal moment from an Andrew Lloyd Webbersson musical. Very dramatic and emotional, and their voices blend pretty darn magnificently – no need for an Elaine Paigesdottir. One of two songs that Gréta had in the Icelandic National Finals this year, so she’s been a busy girl; and this is Jónsi’s second go at bringing back the trophy to Reyjkavik. You can almost feel the steam rising between the tectonic plates and smell the sulphurous pong from the bathroom taps. As Nordic as it gets. 12-1 to 22-1 ****

Greece – Aphrodisiac – Eleftheria Eleftheriou

The first song of the night that might be termed “typically” Eurovision. Things are financially tight in Greece so Eleftheria and her fellers knocked up this dance routine in the Athens Arndale Centre, cunningly leaving the windows open in Next to save on the costs of a wind machine. Eleftheria is officially gorgeous, and bouzouki by numbers though it may be, its simple dancey joy makes this my favourite of the year. It must have been a challenge for Mr and Mrs Eleftheriou to come up with a name for their baby girl; the English translation of her name is “Freedom’s Freedom”. 20-1 to 33-1 *****

Latvia – Beautiful Song – Annmary

After the deconstructionalist tendencies of Montenegro’s song, it’s on to the post-structuralist naval gazing of Latvia’s. Annmary’s beautiful song is all about Anmary’s beautiful song, and I rather like it for that – the trouble is, if you don’t catch the lyrics (and Annmary’s English diction does leave something to be desired) its subtlety and humour passes you by. Another striking looking lady, I’d love it to do well but I’m sure it won’t. The video inspires you to break into a song and dance routine in an airport departure lounge, which has long been a personal fantasy. I wonder why Paul McCartney has more kudos than Mick Jagger? 80-1 to 150-1 ****

Albania – Suus – Rona Nishliu

In the first line of this song Rona confesses she “nicked a boat that surely unseats a man”, then she hits her thumb and cries with the subsequent pain; at least that’s what it sounds like to me. I jest of course; according to diggiloo.net the lyrics include “my plane is landing on the unlit runway of your soul”. Remind me not to fly to Tirana International. A moody pretentious video to accompany a moody pretentious song, mainly memorable for that repeated note. My spies at the Amsterdam in Concert show said she was am-a-zing. She will need to be to carry it off. Not my kind of thing. 100-1 to 200-1 **

Romania – Zaleilah – Mandinga

Zaleilah sounds to me like the kind of title Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick and Tich would have come up with. Lead singer Elena is yet another sizzler, the arrangement is quirky and upbeat, and you think it’s going to be something special, but then its meaningless chorus kicks in and it’s so repetitive that you get bored. Popular in some quarters, I file it under Ones That Ought To Be Better Than They Are. 25-1 to 33-1 ***

Switzerland – Unbreakable – Sinplus

The first entry chosen to go to Baku, this song has been banging against the inside of my head for about four months now. More Highest Heights than If We All Give A Little (for which it gains brownie points), imitating Mr Broggini’s English accent remains the most enjoyable party trick of the season. Switzerland’s lack of natural allies means it probably won’t get far. A bit meaningless, a bit repetitive, a bit magic; nearly excellent. 66-1 to 125-1 ***

Belgium – Would You – Iris

A dull song that limps along with odd lyrics – “What would you do if my house was empty?” I’d love it if the next line were “break in and steal my laptop and TV”. Iris puts two irritatingly breathy syllables in words that should only have one (life, bag, love). Stretches three minutes to an eternity. I never thought I’d have cause to say this, but it’s not a patch on Witloof Bay. 100-1 to 150-1 *

Finland – När jåg blundar – Pernilla Karlsson

This is a gentle song. A very, very gentle song. It’s borderline relaxing/dull, but Pernilla is so cute that to criticise it would be like stamping on a puppy-dog’s tail. A nice folky feel to it, and I like her clarity of diction. The first Swedish language song in Eurovision since Jill Johnson in 1998. 50-1 to 100-1 **

Israel – Izabo – Time

Here’s a Marmite song, and personally I find it delicious. A thumping good beat and satisfyingly jangly guitars keep this Blur/Britpop-sounding oeuvre upbeat all the way through until its, admittedly, disappointingly lame ending. Is it just me, or does the chorus remind you of the Kinks’ Apeman? Izabo have been going for over twenty years now and it will be interesting to see what this does to their international careers. 100-1 to 150-1 ****

San Marino – The Social Network Song – Valentina Monetta

The second incarnation for Uncle Ralph Siegel’s latest Eurovision hit, carved out of its original banned “Facebook” lyrics, which unfortunately leaves the song with twice the number of “oh-oh-oh-oh-oh”s that it should have. I don’t dislike this song as much as some other observers as the tune is quite jaunty and Valentina has her own special charm. Lyrics like “do you wanna play cybersex again…click me with your mouse” can be viewed as either cheesy crap or tongue-in-cheek witty, you choose. Like a vintage champagne, this will improve over the years, but it will be far too immature for May 22nd. 50-1 to 200-1 ***

Cyprus – La La Love – Ivi Adamou

Ignore the up-itself pompous arty-farty video, this is pure disco dancetastic. It’s not going to improve global warming or save polar bears but it is going to give you a very happy three minutes. Everything you could wish from an upbeat Eurovision song. Vying with Greece as my favourite this year. 18-1 to 40-1 *****

Denmark – Should’ve Known Better – Soluna Samay

With (IMHO) at least three or four better songs in this year’s Danish final, Soluna Samay’s victory was a testament to her excellent performance. Strangely reminiscent of (but inferior to) Tasmin Archer’s Sleeping Satellite, it’s a song that you keep expecting to soar but, like an honest snooker player, keeps its feet firmly on the floor. Should’ve Known Better? Should’ve Been Better. 9-1 to 14-1 ***

Russia – Party for Everybody – Buranovskiye Babushki

The Russian grannies may have won the battle of big news story promotion this year but I feel they’re likely to stay Championship in Baku and not trouble the Premiership contenders. True, they are cuddly and sweet to look at, and you have to admire their chutzpah, but they can’t actually sing in tune and I think the juries in particular won’t think the song itself has much merit (“the cat is happy, the dog is happy, we are in a wonderful mood, and very happy”). Mind you, I like this more than the thing they tried with two years ago, whose title in English was “Very long birch bark and how to turn it into a turban”. I will sing along to it, of course, but surely the contest must have more credibility than this? 5-1 to 7-1 ***

Hungary – Sound of our Hearts – Compact Disco

Plodding ballad or New Romantic triumph? I favour the latter. From the opening keyboard notes I’m hooked. Great instrumentation and strong vocals combine to give this a solid urgency that makes for a serious but rewarding listen. Loved it from the moment I first heard it – probably my third favourite of the year. Given the Hungarian fondness for reversing names I wonder if they should be Disco Compact? The slightly nasty video does nothing to enhance it. 80-1 to 150-1 *****

Austria – Woki mit deim Popo – Trackshittaz

“The Shitz” are popular back home in Austria, with two number one singles and two number one albums to their rather tasteless name. To woki is to shake, and your Popo is your bum. So, it’s an everyday story about the Noodle Soup gang who go to a club to watch the pole dancers strip. So far, so good. But then they probe a bit deeper into the nature of the bum: “your bum has feelings, your bum is part of you, don’t put it on chairs, your bum has an opinion…” Music by Ivor Novello, words by Noel Coward. 80-1 to 150-1 ***

Moldova – Lăutar – Pasha Parfeny

Incorporating Nelly Ciobanu’s brassy backing from the Hora din Moldova, and that traditional instrument – is it a cimbalom? – and with lyrics that don’t quite work in English (“you haven’t seen before how looks the trumpet”) this ought to be a mess from start to finish but Pasha’s likeable and energetic performance is a complete winner (although I know it won’t be on the night). The ultimate cheesefest and I love it. My fourth favourite of the year, and certainly my favourite ever Moldovan entry. This trumpet makes you mine, girl. 66-1 to 100-1 *****

Ireland – Waterline – Jedward

Coming back for second helpings, Jedward’s new song is more mainstream pop than Lipstick and I prefer it. Very singalong, it will all depend on whether they can maintain their vocals during whatever physical larks they pursue on stage. Again a Marmite act; and although I still think they’re better sight unseen, I do find I’m now warming to them. 10-1 to 20-1 ****

So there we have it, the eighteen songs that make up Semi-Final One, which for me is by far the stronger of the two semis. I’ll be back with a preview of the second Semi-Final in a few days’ time.

Eurovision 2012 – The ones that got away

Posted on April 17, 2012 by therealchrisparkle

It’s that time of year again, gentle reader, when it is my duty to let you hear a few gems that did not make it through their national qualifying heats and therefore will not be gracing the stage of the Crystal Hall in Baku, if they build it on time. It’s been a good year, although perhaps not a great one, for the National Finals. I’m going to start of with an absolute classic. Petter Øien and Bobby Bare got into the final four in Norway with their simple country song, Things Change. It stands out not only because of the different genre, but also because it’s a fine old tune. If Bobby Bare had made it to Baku, he would have been 77 years old; that young whippersnapper Engelbert Humperdinck would be in short trousers by comparison.

Next up is a wonderful dramatic piece from Iceland, not that this year’s Icelandic entry lacks a sense of saga. Hugarro, which my online translator says means “Peace of Mind”, is sung by Magni Asgeirsson. He has one of those voices that makes you think he’s experienced a lot of troubles in his life, and this was his 4th attempt to represent Iceland at the Eurovision Song Contest. Last year he came 2nd with “Eg trui a betra lif”; and this year he slipped down to 3rd, so he’d better pull his socks up in the future. The opening keyboard sound has something of the Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence about it. See what you think.

Over to Hungary now, and a strong final as this year’s Hungarian entry by Compact Disco is definitely one of my favourites. But there was plenty of other prospects to tickle your tunebuds. Take for example this quality ballad, Vizio (Vertigo) performed by the amusingly named Caramel. If you were ever going to name a bloke Caramel, this is not how I would imagine him to look. Maybe he has a soft centre. He won Hungarian Pop Idol in 2005 and is now a judge on the show, so he probably knows his nougats from his pralines.

Double-dipping in Hungary, here’s the song that came draw 2nd with Vizio, Learning to let go by Gabor Heincz, or Heincz Gabor if you prefer. It couldn’t be more different from Mr Caramel’s offering, as it’s light of note and jaunty of step, one of those songs that require you to hop from one side to another in your brain as it progresses. He was a backing singer in the Eurovision a couple of years ago, and the song’s a jolly little thing with a certain je ne sais quoi; if I knew quoi, I would tell you.

I know what you’re thinking – where are the girls? Well here’s one. Ditte Marie from Denmark singing Overflow, another bright upbeat dancy little number that came nowhere in Aalborg. It probably doesn’t examine the human condition in any great depth, but you can have too much philosophy. Wearing an ice queen leotard rummaged out of the seconds bin – check out the rips on her arms – she does a nice line in stage-strutting without it ever being over-the-top. It’s certainly jollier than the song that will represent Denmark this year. Have a listen.

I feel like a touch of the Baltics after that, so let’s nip over to Estonia avoiding the “Kuula” – I’ll dissect that one day soon – and keeping it light let’s have a listen to You’re Not Alone by Birgit Õigemeel (try saying that after a few bottles of Saku) and Violina, which I think of as a prettier version of the James Last Orchestra. Birgit won the first season of Estonian Idol and has recorded loads of singles. This song came 7th in their national final and I think was under-rated. Admittedly it’s not as good as the wonderful Violina/Rolf Junior attempt from 2010, “Maagiline päev”, but I think it deserves an honourable mention here.

Look I don’t want to bore you for too long so I’ll just suggest a couple of others for you. Over in Austria, a chap named Norbert Schneider sang this very “different” number called Medicate my blues away. It couldn’t be further away from the Trackshittaz. Norbert’s into his blues in a big way, and although this wouldn’t normally be my Tasse Tee, I rather like its smooth chirpiness. It’s the title track of his new album too. It didn’t make the superfinal in Austria – probably to his credit.

Whilst we’re in Austria, have a listen to Englishman James Cottriall who also failed to make the superfinal with his song, Stand Up. He moved to Vienna as part of his German and Philosophy degree at Nottingham University, where his part-time busking and other gigs took off so well that he remained there to pursue his music career – very successfully as it turns out. Stand Up is a nice anthemic song and doesn’t feature rappers with dodgy lyrics or a bearded lady.

Time for one more – and it’s over to Latvia, where there were a few good contenders to represent the country. Whilst I think Anmary’s Beautiful Song, that will be in Baku, was probably the perfect choice, it would be remiss not to include this final song in this memorial to songs that you might never hear again. Music Thief is a silly, funny song about plagiarism, with lyrics stolen from other songs and with musical elements you’ll recognise from elsewhere too. The lead singer’s voice gives you hope that one day you too could have a recording career. I’d like the Mad Show Boys come back next year with something equally daft.

If you got this far – and listened to the songs too – well done you. Feel free to post a comment if you like or hate any of them or if you have other suggestions. I’ll be examining this year’s proper entries soon, so you have been warned.

The Real Chrisparkle

Category Archives: Eurovision