So we all met up to celebrate the annual festivity that is the first semi-final. Crisps and nuts were consumed, wines were free flowing; and we each took our responsibilities seriously as we weighed and judged each act as to its merits for being considered for promotion to the premiership of Saturday night. Don’t forget you can click on the pictures to bring them up to full screen loveliness.

Austria – The song was ok, and Mrs Chrisparkle and Lady Duncansby were both envious of Natalia’s jeans. Bit slow to start, but she warmed up a bit later on. But none of us was that impressed. No one put her through to the final.

Estonia – A confident performance, but I’ve always thought the song was dull, and see no reason to change my mind. Lady D wants to know where Birgit gets her eye-shadow. Mrs C gave her the benefit of the doubt and put her through.

Slovenia – The instant upbeat sound caught all our attentions. A lively song, and Hannah shows remarkable proficiency in walking in those boots. Her outfit reminded me of Sage the owl from the Herbs having been spray-painted in graphite; and her dancers’ helmets had to be seen to be believed. We all liked it and all sent her through to Saturday.

Croatia – Mrs C hated this on CD but quite liked it on stage. It’s a very nice song and the guys sang it really well. I could quite fancy one of those sub-Napoleonic uniforms. Do they do them in H&M? Lady D doesn’t really do mizerja, so not that impressed. Two out of three.

Denmark – I enjoyed seeing the otherwise po-faced whistle player stifle a smirk at the huge round of applause at the beginning of this performance. The song sounded as good as ever, and Mrs C appreciated the military drumming. Nice golden shower too. We all gave it the thumbs-up.

Russia – I think this was the first time I’d really enjoyed hearing this song. I was impressed by its anthemic qualities that I hadn’t noticed before. Also she had a nicely swathed pink cleavage. Deadly in the criticism department as ever, Mrs C and Lady D both remarked on her “roll of fat”. Girls can be cruel. Still, we all put it through.

Ukraine – I’ve always liked this song but I’m really not sure about the jolly green giant. Zlata is my favourite honey of this season, and she didn’t disappoint, but I felt the song started to ebb away a bit towards the end. You can see that she’s feeling it in the photo. More harsh words from the ladies – “look at the creases in that ill-fitting dress”. Everyone’s a critic. We all liked it though.

Netherlands – This is a song you either get, or you don’t. I never really have got it, and Mrs C and Lady D were bored to tears with it. When Anouk started yet another chorus, Mrs C was heard to exclaim “Jesus Christ Almighty”. Whilst the voters that mattered heard Anouk’s prayer, none of us did. No takers.

Montenegro – Only at Eurovision. Its silliness coupled with its energy won us over, and Nina gave a belter of a performance. Lady D said “respect” and “check it” a couple of times. I’m not sure those spacesuits would be totally safe at -150°C. We all voted for it though.

Lithuania – Andrius, the man with the manic eyebrows. “Look at the size of his hands” said Lady D, which I was sure was some coded message. Such an understated performance yet it has a certain something. I’m sure he sang “because of my shoes I’m wearing today, one is called love, the other is suede”. Lady D is having legal documentation drawn up so that she can adopt him. Mrs C and I weren’t so keen.

Belarus – A generally camptastic experience. The song came over as lively and we all tried to sing along with it. Alyona was looking stunning, and her dancers were looking like they were enjoying themselves. Oooh get you, Belarussian boy on the left of the picture. We all put it through to the final.

Moldova – I’ve always liked this song but now I’m beginning to go off it a little, and last night’s performance didn’t really help. Whilst Lady D thought the extraordinary expanding dress was indeed a work of art, Mrs C wasn’t so keen on Aliona’s heavy breathing and the fact that they threw everything at it. Sometimes less is more. None of us had it in our top ten.

Ireland – Surprise of the night. It’s a good song, but Ryan absolutely nailed the performance and made it into a great song. Do you think they had to scour the continent to find two drummer/dancers with complementary tattoos, or was someone busy out back just beforehand with a stencil and a spray can? Pretty damn faultless, and my top score of the night. Nice earrings, Ryan. We all sent it sailing through.

Cyprus – Despina’s a big star back home and she gave a great performance of this dull song. She looked stunning in the dress but Mrs C pointed out how out of kilter her eyebrows were – and once we’d all seen that, you couldn’t take your eyes off them. Generally ok, nothing more. Mrs C thought she would go through in the repecharge – and she did.

Belgium – Roberto still looks a bit scared on stage, but wouldn’t you be with those fierce girls there with you? Look at that photo – she’ll have that jacket off in no time. It’s a great classic pop song, that I feared wouldn’t make it to the final, but I’m really pleased it did. Lady D drawing up another set of legal documents to adopt him – he’ll have to share the spare bedroom with Andrius. We all voted him through.

Serbia – Nothing can beat Ana Matronic’s comment that they look like Destiny’s Child as dressed by Hello Kitty. Totally weird presentation – don’t know if it was meant to be sexy but it certainly didn’t work for me. The song was as tedious as ever, and none of us voted for it. Looking at that picture, do you think the girls will come to regret this in later life?

So that means that I (the Eurovision fan) got six of the ten right and the ladies (Eurovision hangers-on) got seven. There’s no justice. Back for another post-mortem on Friday.