Tag Archives: Julian Clary

Review – Julian Clary, The Joy of Mincing, Derngate, Northampton, 30th April 2016

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This is the third or fourth time we’ve seen Julian Clary as a stand-up act. The first was way back in the 80s when Mrs Chrisparkle and I (she may even have been Miss Duncansby in those days) tackled the all-hallowed arena that was the Aylesbury Civic Centre, to see Mr C perform under the name of the Joan Collins Fan Club. Whenever his show comes around, we keep coming back, because he keeps on making us laugh – it’s as simple as that. He creates a fantastic rapport with the audience, who love to squirm at his double entendres and wallow in a sense of relief when he gets some other people up on stage and it’s not them.

This time around, it was clear that his material was a little more personal than usual. His monologues are littered with the phrase “and that’s a true story”, the majority of which you know are the precisely the opposite. But there are insights into his personal life which we haven’t seen before – living in Kent, partnered up, spending his time writing his children’s books (yes, I know, where did that come from?) as well as memories from the past.

We were privileged, when we first saw him perform, to be in the presence of Fanny the Wonder Dog. Julian remembers Fanny lovingly, and there’s always comic mileage to be gained associating the two. Fanny was eventually replaced by Valerie, whom, it appears, was a bit of a disappointment in pet performance terms. He gives us a long and funny routine recollecting his first, frosty encounter with The Joan Collins Herself; this was at the 2010 Hippodrome panto which we attended on one of the very many performances on which Miss Collins did not appear; but since then they have become besties. Mr C also recounts an excellent story of his hanging around the stage door at the Hippodrome and unwittingly involving himself in drug dealing. Not the kind of stuff that’s going to sell more children’s books, to be fair. And of course, he sings. Unforgettable, that’s what he is.

After the interval we go down the tried and tested scenario of Julian coercing three chaps from the audience to join him on stage. This time, the excuse is so that they may be invested with their MBEs – Mincers of the British Empire. He is an absolute star when it comes to this kind of interaction, reducing us all to tears with nearly unkind but not quite material about his victims. In order for them to be invested they have of course to be appropriately dressed, so they are sent offstage to be looked after by Julian’s assistant, Lesbian Bertha. Two return in appropriate regalia, not very butch but perfectly decent; the third – Chris the Engineer – is made to come out wearing nothing but a skimpy pair of pink hot pants. An entire audience salute you Chris, you took one for the team and the rest of us are so very, very grateful.

As we were walking back home after the show, a feeling of doubt entered our heads. In this day and age, is it appropriate for someone like Julian Clary to continue with his 1980s ridiculing of effeminate gay men? Just because he is one, and does it very well? It’s interesting to observe that the audience was overwhelmingly straight middle-aged/elderly couples who spend two hours laughing at “gay” things. Is his act now a trifle anachronistic? With his writing books for children, even Mr C himself is spreading his wings and starting to work in another area of the arts. This is just me thinking aloud, I haven’t come to any conclusions! After all, he remains extremely funny and everyone in the audience had a great time – even Chris the Engineer. His tour continues throughout May and he also returns for more in October and November. If you enjoy the typical Clary style, you’ll laugh your socks off.

Review – Julian Clary, Position Vacant Apply Within, Derngate, Northampton, 18th October 2012

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We booked this show a few months ago, and at odd moments during the interim period I would think to myself, “oh good, we’re going to see Julian Clary again soon”; and then I would instantly also think “oh God I do hope he doesn’t pick on me.” The premise of his new show is that he is scouring the country looking for a new boyfriend to be selected from the audience, and doubtless to be subjected to some extreme humiliation onstage for the benefit of the relieved guffawing onlookers.

That all comes in the second half. In the first half, we are treated to some Big Brother recollections; a Mastermind game with a lady from the audience; some advertising for Blue Nun, “sponsors of this tour” involving some extremely biting reflections on the quality of said product, and generally Julian Clary’s special brand of stand-up; punters, I thank you. The good news is that this show is a huge lot more rewarding than the last tour of his we saw – Lord of the Mince – which was funny enough but somewhat lacking in substance and material. This time Julian is back with lots of subjects to regale us with, and he was on very perky form. Only when he did a sequence reading from the local newspaper did I feel the energy sap a little.

But it is his search for his new husband that is the really funny element to this show. For one thing, the relief when you realise you’re safe is immense, and you can get on with enjoying the evening. I really thought I was going to be in trouble; sat in the centre of Row G, and the two spaces in front of us in Row F were empty, so when the house lights went up I must have been directly in his sights. Fortunately he obviously decided I wouldn’t be hilarious enough (good move Julian); and also that old ploy of not being on an aisle worked. If you want to avoid being one of his victims, don’t sit near the aisle. Sitting far away from the stage is no safety net though, as he brought back several hapless men – threatened with his stun gun – from the back of the theatre.

Eight suitors are chosen from the audience and herded into Julian’s mincing pen, and then each one is questioned and given a task to complete. I won’t spoil it for you with details, but some candidates have to show skills they might not normally practise. All eight of the guys were incredibly good sports, and it really was a very funny hour. Eight become four; then four become two; and finally one is chosen for the grand ceremony. Our lucky man was James, who certainly looked as though he enjoyed every minute of it. I was reminded strongly of TV’s old Generation Game; and indeed, as he gets older, I think Mr Clary is drawing on Larry Grayson’s influences more and more.

This kind of audience involvement is a perfect vehicle for his skills. Where he once would have said some rather savage things about his punters to make his point, nowadays he gets better quality laughs from treating the audience more kindly. His humour has evolved over the years – and this is reflected in the wide demographic of people attending the show. He seems to appeal absolutely across the board – men, women, teenagers, elderly, and all the gaps in between. No doubt his recent Big Brother appearance has helped widen his fanbase; but also he’s been going for a number of years now. Those people (like us) who saw him as The Joan Collins Fan Club in the 80s and have stuck with him (bless you punters) are now 25 to 30 years older – gasp – which might account for the presence of so many older people in the audience.

He landed a serious punch at the end of the show too. After all the camp gaiety of his wedding ceremony to James, he finishes with a song – chanted in the best Clary tradition – that draws on continued prejudice and inequality for gay people around the world, which made an uncomfortable but valuable juxtaposition with the humour that had gone before. Not preachy or dogmatic, but it sure made you think.

A very entertaining evening with a national treasure; I’m sure Julian will continue to enjoy warm hands upon his entrance for the rest of the tour.

Review – Dick Whittington, Birmingham Hippodrome, December 30th

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Well this was the panto with the starriest cast of all this year. Joan Collins, Julian Clary, Nigel Havers fresh out of the jungle, Keith Harris and Orville – yes indeed! Still treading the boards and the duck still can’t fly.

And then the stirring unquiet on the internet that Joan Collins wasn’t appearing in many of the performances because she was suffering from flu. Well there’s a lot of it about. And I’m sure she would have had a flu jab. Still, even if she was just doing her best to appear it would have been a good thing.

Alas no. When we arrived for the matinee last Thursday there were no notices up saying “the management regrets” or inserts in the programme that read “Miss Collins role will now be played by…” So we thought we were on to a winner. But as the lights came down, the first person on the stage was the Company Manager, regretting that a significant person in their company was unable to perform. A huge wave of misery passed through the auditorium. Stoically we applauded the fact that a local lad would be playing her part. (Yes, lad, not lady).

But you can never book a show on the strength that a certain member of the cast will definitely appear. It’s one of the rules of theatregoing. The whole cast could be off with rabies and they could bring in residents from the nearby old peoples home to read the script, it’s allowed. Even when the theatre has trumpeted the appearance of Miss Collins since the early part of last year. The show must go on, not the star.

So you can sense my disappointment.

But.

This is a majorly terrific panto, with some of the funniest and liveliest panto performances you are ever likely to witness. Let’s start at the top. Julian Clary is the Spirit of the Bells – a male fairy. No sniggers, please, or rather, loads of sniggers. Whenever he appears he lights up the stage and there is an incredible comfort to his interaction with the audience. You can just trust him to say the right thing at the right time. And his singing…. I wonder what Lee Marvin would have made of it. And his interaction with Orville… lying in bed with the duck, and just saying “tempted…” really funny stuff. I won’t tell you any more of his lines because the show’s still on for another month.

Nigel Havers is King Rat, and a dashed fine attempt he makes at it too. Lots of current references, particularly to his time in the jungle – if you didn’t see him in “I’m a Celebrity…” you’ll miss a lot of the jokes. Now if he had been appearing with Joan Collins I can imagine the sparkiness between the two of them would be great. However we saw Wayne Fitzsimmons – usually one of the dancers – appearing as Queen Rat. It was a performance full of venom but without much subtlety or comic timing; still, he remembered all his lines and kept the show going.

And yes, Keith Harris and Orville, and Cuddles, is back. You have to say about him – what a trouper. Like Julian Clary, his interaction with the audience is brilliant, his routines are funny and you should have seen and heard the way the kids were laughing. Full blown, uncontrollable, bottom of the heart laughter. An excellent performance.

Liam Tamne and Kathryn Rooney as Dick Whittington and Alice Fitzwarren also performed their socks off. Very likeable personalities, sang and danced extremely well, but also with good comedy skills, usually at the mercy of Mr Clary. I wasn’t quite so sure about Jeffrey Holland as the Dame, I think the part was somewhat underwritten and his costumes weren’t really over-the-top enough. Probably too much to compete with the Spirit of the Bells, but it did come over a little underwhelming as a result.

Adding in an athletically appealing pantomime cat and a Sultan of Morocco who provides (in the words of John Barrowman in a Birmingham panto a few years ago “something for everyone”), and you have a really super show. I wouldn’t worry too much if Joan Collins is off sick the day you go – you’ll have a great time.