Review – Before the Millennium, The Old Fire Station, Oxford, 3rd December 2025

©Alex Brenner

There is a moment shortly before the end of Act One of Karim Khan’s captivating new play, Before the Millennium, which changes our understanding of everything that has gone before. Up to that point, it’s been a charming, witty, convincing examination of an established friendship between two women and what happens when an unknown mystery catalyst arrives in the form of a third person and disrupts the balance. Instead, you go into the interval digesting some vital new information and how it alters our preconceptions and explains a few things that we hadn’t quite understood. Act Two then soars to a whole new level of insight and drama and has us gripped until the very end.

©Alex Brenner

But I’m running before I can walk. There’s an almost romantic significance to the important shops of our youth when you look back later in life; particularly at Christmas, when you think of the presents, the food, and indeed the rituals of Christmases past. I never experienced the joy of the Cowley Road Woolworths, not even as a student, but I was well acquainted with the Aylesbury branch, and what a smorgasbord of riches that was! Comparing 1999 with 2025, it’s still hard to believe that we no longer have The Wonder of Woolies, and the Woolworths-shaped gap on the High Street contributes to the nostalgia in this intriguing play. I still struggle to find my Turkish Delight and Chocolate Brazils at Christmas!

©Alex Brenner

It is sobering to think that we are within a few weeks of its being an entire quarter-of-a-century since we all feared the Millennium Bug was going to destroy life as we knew it; doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun? For firm friends Zoya and Iqra, life in 1999 is one long round of working unsociable hours at Oxford’s Cowley Road Woolworths, and nicking the pic’n’mix (it’s what Woolies was all about!) For Zoya, it’s a chance to commit to an honest job, to earn some money to put aside for the family back in Pakistan and maybe start one of her own too. Iqra sees it as a help towards funding her degree in politics at Brasenose College, and then hopefully changing the world when she becomes the next Prime Minister of Pakistan.

©Alex Brenner

We’re at the Woolies’ staff Christmas Party 1999, all party hats and jokes and games, and Zoya and Iqra are letting their hair down. Suddenly Faiza appears at the party; she’s shortly going to start work at Woolworths and she introduces herself to the two friends, but there’s an atmosphere from the start. Somehow, she seems to know private details about the two women. Has management recruited her as a spy? Is she going to tell tales about them to the bosses, or, worse still, maybe even to the government?

©Alex Brenner

One of this play’s many strengths is its unpredictable storyline and I don’t want to ruin any surprises for you! Beautifully written and cunningly structured, the play provides a welcome addition to the current hot topic of migration, bringing some insight and intelligence to our understanding. Zoya and Iqra moved from Pakistan to Britain in the 1990s to work hard and contribute to society, with hardly any support network around them. Zoya could speak no English until the well-educated Iqra taught her, on the job. They are typical of the people who put their necks on the line and took all the risks. As Iqra reassures Zoya, “that’s courage, faith, bravery.”

©Alex Brenner

It’s also an exploration of friendship and loyalty, the lies we tell to keep the peace and the sacrifices we make for others. It looks at motherhood, and the insecurities that can detract from the joy of giving life and raising and nurturing one’s children. It considers the extreme damage that abandonment issues can have, when your child wants to realise their dreams by moving to another country, or when your best friend opts for a life beyond your orbit. It’s an overwhelmingly optimistic play; its message is that although you may not be able to change what’s set in the future,  you can change your attitude and outlook. You know that old saying, if you love something, set it free? This play encapsulates that in a nutshell.

©Alex Brenner

Director Adam Karim stages the play at a lively pace, eliminating all scenery on the Old Fire Station stage in favour of a sequence of higgledy-piggledy cardboard boxes, all proudly bearing the Woolworths name, filled with toys, sweets, Christmas socks, you name it. There’s some mischievous fun had with members of the audience, with the gentleman seated in front of me being chosen as Mr Edwards, Woolworths branch manager, other audience members looking after the pic’n’mix, and even one person dressing up as a snowman. And, of course, Zoya and Iqra welcome everyone as they arrive before the show starts, wishing them Happy Christmas, complimenting them on their party outfits and so on, getting everyone in a relaxed and entertained mood – all beautifully done.

©Alex Brenner

The performances from the cast of three are outstanding. Gurjot Dhaliwal as Zoya and Prabhleen Oberoi as Iqra interact seamlessly with each other, with their girlish chitchat and jokey movements, comic asides and petty tiffs. Their timing is immaculate, and their characterisations totally convincing; Ms Dhaliwal conveying all Zoya’s earnest honesty and diligence, insecurities and vulnerabilities, whilst Ms Oberoi’s Iqra is the opposite: determined, no-nonsense, with the confidence that a privileged education gives you. Hannah Khalique-Brown’s Faiza is superbly uncertain and aloof, curious of her surroundings; but clearly a well-brought up young woman, tentatively gaining confidence and understanding as the play progresses.

©Alex Brenner

It’s a powerful, endlessly surprising, lyrically rhythmic play that ties up a number of fascinating strands which all hang together convincingly. No spoilers, but, in a nod to Dickens, there’s even an element of the Ghost of Christmas Future! With impressive writing and acting in abundance, Before the Millennium plays at Oxford’s Old Fire Station until December 21st and I trust will go on to have many more runs in the future.

Five Alive, Let Theatre Thrive!

P. S. A word of warning – if you come to this show, you will lose Whamageddon – but it’s worth the sacrifice!

P. P. S. A quick note also about The Old Fire Station. This was our first visit to this delightful welcoming venue, and I trust it won’t be the last. A small but excellent acting space, superb sightlines for the audience, helpful and enthusiastic staff and a comfortable but exciting vibe. Great work!

 

 

The Real Chrisparkle meets Claire Bramwell-Pearson!

Vitalii Petrenko and the Secret of the Roman Baths

Vitalii Petrenko and the Secret of the Roman Baths

I recently had the pleasure of catching up with Claire Bramwell-Pearson, author of the new children’s book Vitalii Petrenko and the Secret of the Roman Baths. I hope you enjoy our chat!

Real Chris Sparkle: Greetings Claire! And welcome to the pages of the Real Chris Sparkle, it’s great to have you here! Perhaps we should start off with your telling us a little bit about Vitalii Petrenko and the Secret of the Roman Baths? Don’t spoil the story!

Claire Bramwell-Pearson: I always hate trying to summarise a story without giving away the plot! Vitalii Petrenko and the Secret of the Roman Baths is a Middle Grade action-packed adventure story about a special friendship across cultures. This of course is the unlikely friendship between Ukrainian born star footballer Vitalii Petrenko (10) and local Bath boy and bookworm Edward Austen, also ten. There also may be some scaly magic involved too!

RCS: I’ve read the book and it’s a delight! What gave you the idea in the first place?

CBP: I was approached by a Ukrainian charity, The Friends of Oleksandryia, to write a children’s story about a child refugee who had come to live in Bath.  The founder Zhenya Shkil sent me lots of pictures of Oleksandryia which is an agricultural region in Ukraine and in one of them she was standing with a volunteer in front of a huge statue of a three headed dragon. As soon as I saw the photo I thought haha – I think that we have something here!

RCS: It’s full of entertaining characters – are they all products of your imagination, or have you sneakily based any of them on real people?!

CBP: What a great question! But no, none of the characters is based on real people – they are all products of my very cartoony imagination. However – I have ‘borrowed’ some the names from people I actually know…I hope that they don’t mind too much!

RCS: You live in Bath, so I can understand why you have set the story there, but where does the Ukraine connection come from?

Presentation of the book to the Mayor

Claire Bramwell-Pearson and Zhenya Shkil present a copy of the book to the Right Worshipful Mayor of Bath, Cllr Prof. Bharat Pankhania ©Chris Bramwell-Pearson

CBP: Bath is actually twinned with Oleksandriya and Zhenya Shkil comes from that part of Ukraine. However, she now lives near Bath where there is a very vibrant Ukrainian community.

RCS: That makes sense then! No spoilers, but the story does feature a three-headed Ukrainian dragon, so did you have to do a lot of research to discover more about Ukrainian myths and legends?

CBP: Yes, I did research Zmiy Horynych who is a well-known three headed dragon in Ukrainian folklore and everyone – in particular children – in Ukraine will know him well. However, in the fairy tales he is famous for kidnapping princesses and other dastardly needs. My Zmiy Horynych is a very different dragon indeed!

RCS: And did you have to do a field trip to Loch Ness?

CBP: I have visited Loch Ness many times.  And my parents also lived in Scotland near another famous loch, Loch Leven, where Mary Queen of Scots was imprisoned. But I don’t think that loch had a sea monster!

RCS: I know that in the past you have been an illustrator, but the artwork in the book has been created by Alexandra Dikaia. Do her illustrations bring an extra dimension to the book?

CBP: Yes absolutely! Alexandra’s illustrations are beautiful and very imaginative – and really add another wonderful perspective to the story. There is even a map in the front of the book of Zmiy Horynych’s journey from Ukraine. The illustrations also help the children in Ukraine who are obviously reading Vitalii Petrenko in a second language.

Children in Oleksandriya with the book

Children in Oleksandriya with the book

RCS: The book has already been distributed to some schools in Ukraine – what has the reaction been?

CBP: Oh, they simply loved the book! In Oleksandryia, at one of Zhenya’s school visits the children even dressed up as Vitalii Petrenko, Edward Austen and the three headed dragon Zmiy Horynych. I was so touched. And on one of our school visits promoting the book in the U.K. we had a live stream between a school in Bath and a school in Oleksandryia, which was an amazing and moving experience.

RCS: What next for Vitalii and Edward? Will they have some new adventures together?

CBP: Yes! I have already finished the first draft of the next Vitalii Petrenko book which is just as exciting. Without giving anything away, there is a magic snow globe which contains not just one secret – but two! The story has all the same charming characters and a few new ones too! And yes, of course, Edward Austen is there – as Vitalii’s valiant Dr Watson.

RCS: That’s fantastic news. The book sounds like a perfect children’s Christmas gift – who do you think would most appreciate the story and the characters?

CBP: Yes, Vitalii Petrenko and the Secret of the Roman Baths would make the perfect Christmas gift – either as a bedtime story (the parents will giggle at some of my nods to Jane Austen who lived in Bath) or for independent readers, and of course Ukrainian children will love the references to their culture’s fairytales.

Vitalii Petrenko

Vitalii Petrenko and the Secret of the Roman Baths

RCS: Is there anything more we should know about your book?

CBP: I am absolutely delighted by the reception Vitalii Petrenko and the Secret of the Roman Baths has received by children of all ages and their parents. I have deliberately written the adventure story in a style which is easy to read by a wide range of children, both boys and girls, as Vitalii’s little sister also plays a pivotal part in the story. It’s immensely enjoyable for the parents to read too!

RCS: Thanks for taking the time to chat today, Claire, and best wishes for the book! Send our love to Vitalii and Edward!

 

You can buy the book on Amazon at this link!

The Points of View Challenge – The Five-Forty-Eight – John Cheever

John William Cheever (1912 – 1982)

American short story writer and novelist, best known for his short stories The Enormous Radio, Goodbye, My Brother, The Five-Forty-Eight, The Country Husband, and The Swimmer, and his novels, The Wapshot Chronicle, The Wapshot Scandal, Bullet Park, and Falconer. The Five-Forty-Eight was first published in The New Yorker on April 10th1954. It was later collected in The Housebreaker of Shady Hill and Other Stories in 1958 and The Stories of John Cheever in 1978. In 1955 it was awarded the Benjamin Franklin Magazine Award.

Available to read online here.

This is the seventh of eight stories in the volume Points of View to be given the style classification by Moffett and McElheny of Biography, or Anonymous Narration – Single Character Point of View. Their introduction continues: “Why, in each particular story, does the narrator place the reader at the vantage point of one character only, and why, in each case, has the author chosen the character he has, and not another?”

Spoiler alert – if you haven’t read the story yet and want to before you read the summary of it below, stop now!

 

The Five-Forty-Eight

Blake leaves his office at the end of the day only to realise that he is being followed by a woman. What was her name – Miss Dent, Miss Bent, Miss Lent…? He can’t remember now, but it doesn’t matter much, after all, who remembers their personal assistants’ names anyway? It had been six months since they last met, but he doesn’t want to talk to her so loses himself on the Manhattan streets and dives into a bar where she’ll never find him. He doesn’t have great memories of her anyway; quiet, attractive in her own way, but with ugly handwriting. She invited him back to her apartment once for a drink; after taking advantage of her, he got dressed, returned home, and the next day arranged that she should be fired.

Blake takes the 5:48 train home, where she unexpectedly confronts him quietly in the carriage. Even though the train is full of the usual daily commuters, many of whom he knows and ignores, no one else seems to realise there’s a new person on the train talking intimately to him. He doesn’t need this kind of confrontation in his life so he gets up to move to another compartment when she warns him that she has a pistol and she will shoot him if he does.

Panicking, he sweats nervously as the rest of his train journey flashes by. Surely someone will notice her and somehow this torment will quickly end? But no, the train reaches his destination of Shady Hill, and she marches him out of the station at gunpoint. Will she kill him? Or will she just degrade and shame him, and make him realise there are consequences to his actions. Is his death worth a prison sentence? Having forced his face down in the dirt, she’s content that she’s a better person than he is, and that he knows it. A job well done for Miss Dent.

Gripping, suspenseful and unpredictable, this is a beautifully written tale that slowly reveals Blake’s callousness and equally slowly reveals Miss Dent’s own story. John Cheever has a real knack for making the reader appreciate the environment in which the story takes place – the smelly wetness of the New York streets, the crowded but comfortable sanctuary that the bar provides, the unspoken dynamics of the train commuters, and how this terrifying encounter is being held in plain sight by two seemingly diminutive and unimportant people against the backdrop of a busy city.

Cheever has Blake constantly noticing tiny details about the people he meets: Miss Dent’s crooked stockings, Mr Watkins’ long and dirty hair, the brevity of Mrs Compton’s smile. Blake himself finds comfort in the blandness and colourlessness of his clothing, rejecting light and colour. Cheever gives us the detail of Blake putting Miss Dent’s rose in the waste bin (“I don’t like roses” he tells her). There’s nothing beautiful or attractive in his life, and he’ll keep it that way.

But to an extent Blake is a product of his environment. Cheever takes pains to describe a store window: “The window was arranged like a room in which people live and entertain their friends. There were cups on the coffee table, magazines to read, and flowers in the vases, but the flowers were dead and the cups were empty and the guests had not come.” Blake’s hollow and false respectability is no different from this sham pretend shop window living room. Sex with Miss Dent was joyless, transactional and meaningless, just a notch on the bedpost. But this is no surprise when you consider his marital life, diarising the two weeks during which he will punish his wife Louise by not talking to her, for not having prepared dinner when he wanted it. No wonder his fourteen-year-old son Charlie chooses to more or less move in with the next-door neighbours.

Even when Miss Dent is pointing the pistol at him, he still doesn’t take responsibility for his own situation. So many things he could have done to avoid this, and maybe he still could; but instead he thinks: “Help would come, Blake thought. It was only a question of minutes. Someone, noticing the look on his face or her peculiar posture, would stop and interfere, and it would all be over. All he had to do was to wait until someone noticed his predicament.” Cheever increases the tension of Miss Dent’s virtual kidnap of Blake by emphasising the surrounding normality of the environment; the same advertising slogans on station after station, the image of the Hawaiian dancer who haunts his journey, the minutiae of other commuters awaiting their trains. Stable lives going about their everyday existence, such as the “men fishing on the nearly dark river, and then a ramshackle boat club that seemed to have been nailed together out of scraps of wood that had been washed up on the shore”. Suspecting he might die at any minute, he finally understands the concept of regret.

The resolution of the story is uncertain right up until the final sentences. Even Miss Dent herself is unsure how this encounter will end, but Cheever explains the conclusion that she draws: I’m better than you. I still have good dreams sometimes. I dream about picnics and heaven and the brotherhood of man, and about castles in the moonlight and a river with willow trees all along the edge of it and foreign cities, and after all I know more about love than you […] I shouldn’t waste my time or spoil my life like this. Put your face in the dirt […] Now I can wash my hands of you, I can wash my hands of all this, because you see there is some kindness, some saneness in me that I can find and use.”

Always remember that actions have consequences, and you can’t always ignore them; and you never know quite how much someone might be suffering. Blake learns this the hard way; but you have little expectation that he will change his ways and become a better man.

The next story in the anthology is the eighth and last to be classified by Moffett and McElheny as Biography, or Anonymous Narration – Single Character Point of View, A Father-to-Be by Saul Bellow.

Review – That’ll Be The Day – That’ll Be Christmas, Royal and Derngate, Northampton, 26th November 2025

©Prestige Productions

Whamageddon doesn’t start until 1st December, but Prestige Productions’ That’ll Be Christmas is already rocking out theatres and getting everyone in the mood for an early festive celebration. Trevor Payne’s That’ll Be The Day show notches up its fortieth anniversary next year; it’s a hugely successful, constantly changing touring production mixing music and laughter – and That’ll Be Christmas is their seasonal special, taking Christmas hits from throughout the decades and delivering them with pizzazz and glamour.

©Prestige Productions

Not only Christmas hits, but also plenty of nostalgic evergreen Christmas songs that we all grew up with, as well as some other songs given a Christmassy treatment. No spoilers, but I remember Abba’s Fernando being a summer hit – but here it glistens with sparkling snowflakes and makes you fancy a mulled wine. Part of the fun of the show is how it combines songs that you expect to hear – and have every right to expect – with songs that surprise you that they’ve been included; and for me, that was the most enjoyable aspect of the night. Of course, with every wonderfully nostalgic rendition, every so often a song comes along that you could really do without – but then, life would be dull if we were all the same! My teeth clenched at hearing the UK chart topper that fortunately was knocked off the top just in time not to make the Christmas No 1 in 1972… you’ll have to do your research to discover which little gem that is unless you’ve got a long and very good memory. Clue: I was one of those who will not sing.

©Prestige Productions

A long memory is actually a big bonus in the enjoyment of this show. The music covers the four decades from the 1950s to the 1980s, and the loyal fanbase audience are of an age where they’ll remember them all from their teenage years. It’s a family show – but – don’t tell anyone – I’m 65 years old and if you’re any younger you won’t get many of the references.

©Prestige Productions

It’s more of an event than a theatrical production, with a distinctly happy and excited vibe in the foyers, and patrons dressed in Christmas jumpers and tinselly hairbands. The stage looks great, with dynamic lighting and absolutely no expense spared on the costumes – you’ll lose count of the number of costume changes. There’s also a much-utilised back projection on stage, adding to the colour, the context and the memories.

©Prestige Productions

The musical numbers are broken up every so often with a comedy sketch or routine; you may have to delve very deep into your past to remember how much you appreciated Laurel and Hardy or Steptoe and Son when you were a kid; Gary Anderson’s vocal impersonation of Harold Steptoe is totally spot on! Some of the comedy is – dare I say it – both a little dated and a little crude, revealing that comedy develops over the years, but classic music always stands the test of time. I do love that particular excerpt from Till Death Us Do Part though!

©Prestige Productions

There’s a talented cast of vocalists and musicians, many of whom both sing and play instruments, and who all bring their own special creative spark. The show is fronted by That’ll be the Day mastermind Trevor Payne and his partner in crime Gary Anderson who use their clearly cheeky personalities to give us some devilish musical impersonations – capturing the essence of their characterisations whilst still impressing with their musical performances.

©Prestige Productions

No spoilers (again) but the show ends with a sequence that blends 70s and 80s Christmas No 1s with timeless festive songs, gets the whole audience up on their feet, and truly sends everyone home on a high. It’s really no surprise that That’ll Be The Day has been treading the boards since 1986, and I’m sure on this showing it will continue to tread them for many years to come! That’ll Be Christmas is now well into its UK tour, with a very busy schedule taking in almost forty venues in November and December. Here’s the link for tickets. My guess is that if you want to see the show, you’ll have to get your skates on, there were hardly any free seats at the Royal and Derngate on Wednesday!

Oh – and you WILL hear Last Christmas!

4-starsFour They’re Jolly Good Fellows!

P. S. Reading the cast biographies after the show I have a fresh admiration for TBTD supremo Trevor Payne. We have happy memories of a 1992 holiday to Malta, where the song Maltese Calypso was heard everywhere, and indeed we bought the 7-inch single – Trevor Payne wrote and performed it!

Review – BIOSPHERE, Genfest 2025, Underground at the Royal and Derngate, Northampton, 21st November 2025

BIOSPHERE

©Todd N Murray

Do you remember the ‘Biosphere 2’ experiment, where eight crew members were sealed inside a vast Arizona biodome? It was intended to be a prototype for establishing life on other planets, but it slowly descended into disaster when the crew’s survival was threatened by the instability of their ecosystems, and their own relationships – we’re all human after all. BIOSPHERE, by Northampton’s own Olivia Foan, was inspired by this failed experiment, and is written to explore whether such an attempt could be tried again today, in light of our further descent into climate crisis.

Sam Landon

Sam Landon ©Part of the Main

Produced by Part of the Main company as part of the Royal and Derngate’s Genfest 2025 season, Foan sets the play in an airtight dome – the Biosphere – where four scientists are sealed away from the world for a year to prove that life can survive beyond Earth. Can the four interact constructively and purposefully, working together for the good of mankind, or will human nature interrupt their ambitions and send the scheme crashing down? NASA’s Frank Rubio spent 371 days in the International Space Station, so theoretically it can be done – but is it within the abilities of Phillip, Rhea, Miriam and Jack to do the same?

Staged at the Underground space in the Royal and Derngate, Rachel Sampley’s excellent lighting and video design, combined with Vyvyan Stewardson’s sound design, recreates the biosphere perfectly in our imagination, with just a few additional props to give us additional context. Wealthy Phillip, whose brainchild the experiment is, takes charge and has recruited three scientists to assist him: engineer and analyst Miriam, agriculturalist and nutritionist Jack, and medical researcher Rhea (who also happens to be his girlfriend). Each has their own expertise vital for the experiment to succeed.

Lauren O'Leary

Lauren O’Leary ©Part of the Main

But people are human, and human frailties cannot be left outside the sealed door. Relationships are forged and fragmented, minor injustices expand into treachery. Phillip’s status confers additional privileges, such as the use of the phone and the right to withhold important information, which creates jealousy leading to resentments and anger. It’s very similar to the pressures you can watch on Big Brother, except they go on for a year! The integrity of the experiment requires access to the outside world to be impossible, but what if one of the four needs urgent medical attention beyond their own capabilities, or if food and nutrition dwindle to the minimum so that they can barely operate? If that integrity has to be breached to keep the four alive, does that make the experiment a failure, or do the lessons learned as a result render it a success?

Antonia Salib

Antonia Salib ©Part of the Main

In a sub-plot, Philip is financing Rhea’s defence in a court case resulting from misuse of her medical research; in another, one of the so-called supporters who observe the goings-on inside the dome from outside fixates on Miriam and masturbates whenever he sees her. The first gives us some additional insight into the characters and the world of medical research; the second, however, could be developed further. The projection occasionally reveals the numbers of days left in the experiment; this is unnecessary, as it’s hard to read the numbers projected on the floor, and, in any case, the writing is sufficiently informative for the audience to understand their time progress. That said, the ending of the play feels a little drawn out, as if they couldn’t quite decide at which point the story is fully concluded.

The acting is of a truly high quality throughout. Sam Landon brings a natural air of authority to the role of Phillip, ostensibly reasonable as a decisive, approachable boss, but underneath lurks a ruthless, angry streak. Lauren O’Leary’s Miriam has all the best lines and she delivers them with relish; it’s a smart and well-judged portrayal of an assertive character who’s nevertheless both vulnerable and volatile. Antonia Salib strongly suggests all Rhea’s insecurities whilst always showing her integrity and commitment to her research, and Eddie House’s performance as Jack is riveting from the start as he negotiates his way through personal interactions, devotion to his work, and the anguish the experiment causes him.

Eddie House

Eddie House ©Part of the Main

At two and a quarter hours including an interval, the play could do with a little tightening-up and maybe shaving off ten minutes or so. But it asks fascinating questions about both the future of the world, imbalance in relationships and the pressures of four people locked away for a year with ever decreasing resources. I’m sure this is not the last we will have heard of BIOSPHERE, and the company will be leading further development workshops which you can discover here.

4-starsFour They’re Jolly Good Fellows!

Review – Dial 1 for UK, The Place Theatre, Bedford, 20th November 2025

Dial 1 for UK

Dial 1 for UK

No matter how long you spend at the Edinburgh Fringe – this year we were there for four weeks and saw 152 shows – you always remember the ones that got away. And one of mine this year was Mohit Mathur’s Dial 1 for UK; I really wanted to see it but I just couldn’t make the dates work. So, I was delighted to discover that the production was continuing with a post-Fringe tour, and its final performance (for now at least) was held at The Place in Bedford.

Enthusiastic Uday

©Deven Ahire

I know from first hand of people who lead a pretty good life in India but who still think that the streets of the UK are paved with gold and will consider the most expensive and problematic options to realise that dream of moving, working and one day becoming a Britisher. The insightful Dial 1 for UK tackles that romantic notion from the point of view of Uday Kumar – yes those really are his initials – a call handler in New Delhi on the night shift and a YouTube influencer in his spare time, extolling the virtues of London and the United Kingdom to his subscribers with boundless enthusiasm and, sadly, no knowledge of the reality.

with Major Robinson

©Deven Ahire

We meet the kindly and upbeat Uday in his new day job as a carer visiting many old people, including Major Robinson from Hounslow, once a proud cricketer and father, now eking out a lonely, not to mention incontinent, existence with only a brief visit from Uday to put a smile on his face. But Uday has plans to study accountancy via the University of Sunderland, and life will be rosy once his visa sponsor arranges his proper accommodation. But it doesn’t take long for all his plans to change and for that kind sponsor to become no more than a slave trader, with Uday living on a pittance and having to sleep in a public toilet.

At the call centre

©Deven Ahire

Beautifully structured, the play takes us back and forth comparing Uday’s life in the UK with his earlier years in India, working at the call centre under assumed English names to give his British callers more confidence; an ambitious young man frustrated at the confines of his existence but at least having a roof over his head and freedom. Feeling he can take India no more, he hatches a plot – disreputable and criminal – to raise the 14 Lakh rupees (that’s about £12,000 – yikes!) he needs to pay the intermediary for the visa, flight and accommodation, and soon he’s away in the skies courtesy of Emirates. We share in his joy at discovering London despite facing some racism, doing Insta-ready posing on his phone and updating his YouTube channel.

The evidence board

©Deven Ahire

There’s a very poignant scene when, in need of some assistance, he encounters another Indian who looks just like him, whom he feels he can trust as a brother from another mother, but who refuses to offer any help. That’s the sharp moment when he realises that, for all its promise of bright lights and success, life in the UK is ruthless and cruel. From then, it’s just a battle of wits and the need to survive, dragging Uday further into a life of crime.

Desperate times

©Deven Ahire

Innovatively staged, a simple office chair effectively doubles up as both his call centre office and the wheelchair used by the Major. He uses photographs to create his supporting cast of characters and creates a veritable and literal web of red tape that links all his connections to a police evidence board, becoming more complex and trickier to negotiate every time he makes a fresh contact.

Mohit Mathur

©Atka Photography

It’s a true tour-de-force performance from Mohit Mathur that instantly endears us to the enthusiastic Uday; so powerful is his connection with the audience that we continue to like him and support him even as a criminal. He is an engrossing storyteller, filling in his narrative with small but perfectly judged elements such as the Indian obsession with Primark, and his choice of whisky on his flight. Primarily, he truly makes us believe every aspect of Uday’s plight; and when he rails on his stupid fellow countrymen for having those misplaced expectations, and beseeches them to read the small print, you know it’s coming from the heart.

With delightful flashes of humour to lighten the undoubted tragedy of the story, Dial 1 for UK lifts the veil on what is essentially people trafficking, making fat lawyers rich and the gullibly ambitious poor. You come out of the show with a deeper understanding of how some people can become used and abused simply by being innocent and hopeful. Insightful, poignant and powerful, this important play fully deserves to reach more audiences in the future; highly recommended!

Five Alive, Let Theatre Thrive!

Review – Fawlty Towers, Royal and Derngate, Northampton, 18th November 2025

Hello, Fawlty Towers?

If you’re anything like me, gentle reader, you quake a little at the prospect of seeing a stage show based on a TV show. I have gloomy memories of seeing the stage production of Yes Prime Minister and the recent stage adaptation of Drop the Dead Donkey was only moderately entertaining. I genuinely hated the Menier Chocolate Factory’s 2009 production of Victoria Wood’s Talent as the two main actors simply did impersonations of Victoria Wood and Julie Walters as they performed in the original TV play; and it only made you want to see the real Victoria Wood and Julie Walters. So I was in two minds about how wise it was to spend a theatrical evening at Fawlty Towers.

I Know!!!…

Those twelve classic TV episodes are unassailably cherished in many people’s memories, so it was an undoubted risk on John Cleese’s part to adapt the show for the stage. It hit the West End with huge success in May 2024 and now it is touring the UK and Ireland right through to August 2026. The show is a compilation of three episodes, The Hotel Inspectors, The Germans and Communication Problems, with the odd nod to a couple of other stories. I’m not going to tell you what they are all about because I’m sure you haven’t been living under a rock for the past fifty years.

Polly squares up to the Major

The theatrical Fawlty Towers is massively more entertaining than any of those three productions I mentioned earlier. The adaptation is excellent, combining the three stories into one cohesive narrative, and the staging emphasises the farcical nature of the production; Feydeau would have loved it. It’s performed with tremendous conviction and manages to recreate the original with huge affection as well as putting its own subtle individual identity on it. Wisely, it doesn’t try to end with any form of resolution to the stories, just a chaotic tableau of everything going wrong, which perfectly encapsulates Fawltyland.

I’m sorry, he’s from Barcelona

Liz Ascroft’s breathtakingly impressive set occupies the entire stage, with the hotel reception, the dining room, the stairs up, and a top floor bedroom as well as cleverly showing us the hotel frontage and that persistently unreliable hotel name sign. The costumes are totally faithful to the original series, as is the incidental theme music. My only quibble with the overall production is that we hear that theme way too often during the course of the show; I can only imagine that if they were live musicians, Basil would have headbutted them in exasperation and snipped their strings before the evening was out.

Papers arrived yet, Fawlty?

There is a separate question to be asked: fifty years on, does it still work as comedy? Some people maintain – and indeed John Cleese is one of them – that comedy has been ruined by the wokerati and you can’t say funny things anymore. This is of course nonsense; you just have to be better at it. What certainly stands the test of time is the immensely funny characterisations: the belligerent, bombastic, oleaginous host, his coarse, braying, bullying wife, the demanding customer who only speaks circuitously, the forgetful old fool living in the past and the impatient deaf old woman who won’t turn her hearing aid on.

Don’t mention the war

Where, for me, it becomes less appealing is with its approach to foreigners, primarily the treatment of the idiotic Spanish waiter, and its carefree portrayal of violence, both domestic and against the staff and customers. In the 1970s, the TV series absolutely captured the zeitgeist with the British continued uneasy relationship with Germany, which was immaculately realised with Basil’s largely unintentional harassment of his German guests. Today, that whole Goebbels, Goering and Hitler funny walk routine just makes me cringe. But I must be honest, there were sections of the audience who found that completely hysterical.

He’s got a gun…

When you’re adapting such a well-known original work, it’s vital that we believe in the actors’ characterisations, and here the production is extremely successful. I hardly recognised Danny Bayne from his excellent performances in Grease and Saturday Night Fever, playing such a completely different kind of character, but he is again extremely good. His dancer training really allows him to convey Basil’s physicality and his fluidity of movement; bouncing back from behind the reception desk, being knocked out by the moose head, and the goosestep are performed with extraordinary precision and skill.

Hope there’s nothing trivial wrong with you dear

Mia Austen absolutely nails Sybil’s ruthless streak, those piercingly angry eyes burrowing into Basil’s soul whenever she gets a chance; and she’s also great on the phone, with her suggestive cackle and that trademark I know… Waitress Polly never had that much of a characterisation in the TV programme, perhaps just being the lone voice of sanity, so there isn’t much for Joanne Clifton to get her teeth into, but it’s a sunny and nicely comic performance. Hemi Yeroham has a difficult task to make Manuel a believable person as the original was written as so much of a caricature, but his comic timing is immaculate.

I know nothing

For me, the scene-stealing performance of the show is Paul Nicholas as the Major, because it’s the least hysterical and most realistic characterisation, playing the whole thing straight when everything around him cascades into nonsense. He delivers his killer lines beautifully, genuinely makes you think he is talking to a moose, and is the embodiment of a loveably forgetful old duffer. There’s also terrific support from Jemma Churchill as the cantankerous Mrs Richards and Greg Haiste as the troublesome Mr Hutchinson.

…and curtain!

Very nostalgic but with a creative twist, this is a strong production with immense attention to detail. A suitable show for both Fawlty Towers fans and those who know nothing about it. There are hardly any tickets left for the rest of the week, so you’d better get in quick if you want to see it!

 

Production photos by Hugo Glendenning

4-starsFour They’re Jolly Good Fellows!

 

Review – The Seagull, Chichester Festival Theatre, 13th November 2025

The Seagull premiered at the Alexandrinsky Theatre, St Petersburg, in 1896. This isn’t the Alexandrinksy, but it is St Petersburg!

If you were to imagine the plays of Chekhov arranged on a seesaw (bear with me on this idea), his early offerings like Platonov and Ivanov would be high in the air on one side of the seesaw and his meaty humdingers like Three Sisters and The Cherry Orchard would be firmly rooted to the ground on the other. The Seagull would be hovering over the fulcrum in the centre, bursting with Chekhov’s teeming ideas and themes, but never quite playing them out to their maximum effect.

I’m glad to get that iffy metaphor out of the way. The Royal Lyceum Edinburgh production of The Seagull enjoyed a brief extension at the Chichester Festival Theatre last week and marked not only new Artistic Director James Brining’s first show for the Lyceum but it has also been hinted that it will have been Caroline Quentin’s swansong in live theatre (which would if true, officially, be a travesty). In his programme note, adaptor Mike Poulton emphasises that he hasn’t attempted to modernise Chekhov to make him in some way more relevant today, because Chekhov is naturally eternally relevant; and when I read that before the show started, it was music to my ears.

That said, this production took traditional to its extremes. It was the very essence of reverence; yes, it allowed Chekhov’s text to do all the talking, but it came across as surprisingly bland. There was very little change of pace; the big dramatic moments (of which there aren’t many) were softly delivered, and both the comedy and the tragedy of the play were dialled down. The central character, the fading but still vain actor Arkadina, has the potential to horrify the audience with her insensitivity but still make you laugh with her asides; the main tragic character, her son Konstantin, ought to move the audience to tears with his mental torture, so that his final act comes as an awful culmination of his misery. But the production was neither funny enough to make you laugh much, nor tragic enough to make you cry. Overall, it just wasn’t enough.

There were, nevertheless, a number of successful aspects to the show. You really gained a sense of what it might have been like to live in the middle of the Russian nowhere in the 1890s, with decent people scraping a living whilst decadent others showed no empathy. It offered a substantial atmosphere of hopelessness; the disparate elements of a non-cohesive community where the only thing you could enjoy was the sunny weather, which would eventually turn into your enemy when winter came. Colin Richmond’s set judged that faded glory perfectly, with its tall windows and encroaching fields, suggesting that the natural environment would soon overtake the increasingly dismal dacha as it falls into decline; a lovely allegory of the last days of the Tsars.

Are these seagulls? Whatever, there are a lot of them.

Caroline Quentin’s Arkadina was the picture of haughtiness, full of a pretence of caring whilst scarcely hiding her selfish soul. She gave the character an urban sophistication to contrast with the rural backwater and portrayed her as a genuine person rather than an any kind of caricature. The humour that is an essential part of Arkadina never quite came to the fore, but it was a very believable performance. Harmony Rose-Bremner was excellent as Nina, unassuming but ambitious, looking to improve herself and gain favour wherever possible. She made a good partnership with Lorn Macdonald’s Konstantin, trying to perform his pretentious play to the best of her ability; Mr Macdonald portrayed Konstantin as a weak and ineffectual aesthete, trying to find his artistic voice – but perhaps not trying that hard. Unfortunately, the final scene between the two where Nina explains why she went off with Arkadina’s lover Trigorin, and Konstantin’s beseeching that she stays with him, came across as very static and monotonous, creating a conversation that ends very much with a whimper rather than a bang.

Elsewhere, Steven McNicoll made the best of his opportunities as the estate manager Shamrayev, bringing in some welcome humorous petulance when refusing to budge over providing horses for the carriage; Tallulah Greive was a splendidly belligerent Masha, Forbes Masson gave a wistful, but distant, performance as Dorn, Michael Dylan’s Medvendenko was suitably hard-working but under-achieving, and Dyfan Dwyfor a convincing, if perhaps over-likeable Trigorin.

Art versus reality, eloquence versus an inability to communicate, fresh ambition versus the reality of failure. Chekhov’s ideas are all there, but they felt particularly sub-surface in this production rather than given their full potential. All very respectful and all very safe; it was good, but you can’t help but feel that with that cast it should have been better.

3-starsThree-sy Does It!

A Day at Huntingdon Races, 11th November 2025

Huntingdon Races 2003Every once in a while, it’s a real treat to spoil oneself to a day at the races. Last Tuesday, HRH the Crown Prince of Bedford and I were gifted a visit to Huntingdon Racecourse as guests of the Jockey Club. What can I say, it’s not what you know it’s who you know. It’s been 22 years since I last went to Huntingdon Races – I can prove that as I still have the tag on my binoculars.

It’s definitely seen a lot of updating and investment over the interim years. In fact, Huntingdon Racecourse impresses with its smart buildings, clean environment, friendly staff and welcoming public spaces. Its prime purpose is, of course, to host a safe and enjoyable card of seven races, for you to experience the whoosh of the horses flying past and hurling your hats in the air when you win a fortune. But there’s more to it than that. For example, the racecourse has partnered with the charity Creating Nature’s Corridor, which has planted 9,600 trees on the site, and structured 1.5 km of new hedgerow and new wet woodland, forming a genuine nature corridor linking one part of the grounds to another, like a green zebra crossing for wildlife.

Whoosh as they fly by

Another initiative that the racecourse supports is Racing to School, an education charity that provides outdoor events for schools at racing venues, introducing them to the sport and also giving them an insight into equine care, breeding and even the possibility of becoming a jockey as a career. It was delightful to watch about twenty kids all lined up on the course, dressed in jockey silks, having a running race; all that they were missing were sheepskin nosebands! They were clearly having a terrific day, and I thought how much I would have loved that experience when I was at school.

In the paddock

It was a very informative day, with our host Dara full of knowledge about every aspect of racing. Did you know that climate change is having a severe effect on the sport? The warmer weather and lack of rain mean that the going stays hard when one might have expected it to go from good to soft. If you’ve noticed that recently races have fewer horses taking part, it’s because many horses today cannot thrive on the harder ground, so they are not being entered into the races. If you’re a climate change denier, tell that to the Jockey Club and watch their reaction.

Here come the jockeys

There’s no doubt in my mind that the safety, health and wellbeing of the horses is of prime importance at Huntingdon. They were all immaculately presented in the paddock; and it was fascinating to see them at the end of a race, with teams of grooms pouring loads of water over them to cool them down after their exertion. This was the first time I’ve ever been authorised to stand in the middle of the paddock to get a really close look at the horses and it’s a memory I’ll treasure for a long time! Dara’s advice on picking a horse was to look for one who’s alert but relaxed and not tense. You can have that one for free.

Peterborough Chase Restaurant

Aside from the horses and the races, there are of course many food and drink outlets. As guests of the Jockey Club, we enjoyed the hospitality of the winners’ restaurant which was a complete treat; a delicious boeuf bourguignon and a Mâcon Lugny to die for. Otherwise, the elegant top floor Peterborough Chase Restaurant offers a fantastic meal and views of the course, and you don’t even have to get out of your chair to place a bet.

You can take your dog too!

As for my own day at the racing, I allowed myself a £10 bet per race, so even if I did abysmally, I would limit my loss to £70. As it turned out, we were enjoying the boeuf bourguignon during the third race, so I only bet on six races. There was a horse called Lennie Godber whom I backed, because everyone likes Porridge. He did rubbish. In another race, there was a huge horse whom we all admired in the paddock, Catchim, but he was an absolute giant carrying a load of weight and thought, surely, he couldn’t manage the win, so we backed other horses. He did much better than they did.

Watch them go!

Fortunately, I had one winner, a horse called Forget the Way, who fortunately didn’t, and accredited himself superbly. We decided to bet on the final race without having looked at the horses and just choose on a whim. There was a rank outsider, Laysoft, on at 66-1 and I was very tempted. But instead, I backed Crystal Jet, the 2-1 favourite. Laysoft sailed home, having improved his price to 28-1. Crystal Jet came third, and I went home £31.25 down instead of over £600 up! Always, ALWAYS, trust your initial instinct!

Greys never win

A tremendous day, and many thanks to the Jockey Club for the kind hospitality. The next meeting at Huntingdon will be on 22nd November, but the big day coming up will be on December 7th for the Peterborough Chase. It’s going to be a massive event! All the details about future race meetings at Huntingdon can be found here.

Review – Emma, Festival Theatre, Chichester, 6th November 2025

I confess, gentle reader, that I’ve never read Jane Austen’s Emma, but I sense that’s probably an advantage for anyone who sees this Theatre Royal Bath touring production of Ryan Craig’s adaptation of Austen’s 1815 novel. Dramatising a book always means having to make massive cuts to the original, otherwise you’d never be able to fit it into two and a half hours including an interval. But an Emma fan might well have firm ideas as to what to keep and what to boot out.

Jane Austen is very much in vogue at the moment – indeed, was she ever out of it? With the recent joyous production of Pride and Prejudice* (*Sort Of) and Laura Wade’s affectionate upending of the Austen landscape in The Watsons, she’s a target for modernisation and mickey-taking, whilst still admiring and relishing the essence of the original. I expected this adaptation to be much more surreal or meta; but, in fact, it’s a pretty straightforward production that tells Austen’s story (as far as I can make out) reasonably honestly and with a charming lightness of touch that brings all the relevant aspects of the nineteenth century into the present day.

Emma is a meddling, big-headed and insensitive young woman who knows her own mind and doesn’t know when to back down. She plucks a poor orphan girl, Harriet Smith, from obscurity and tries to make her fit for society, with no empathy for Harriet’s wishes or the honest farmer with whom she has been romantically linked. Instead, she sets her up with the local clergyman Mr Elton, who completely gets the wrong end of the stick and thinks that Emma has romantic ideas for herself on him, rather than trying to cultivate a romance between him and Harriet.

The first Act is very much a comedy of errors; but by the start of the second Act Elton has quickly married the snobbish Augusta, shattering Harriet’s expectations. Local gent Mr Knightley is sorry for Harriet and dances with her at a ball – which instantly convinces Harriet that they are both madly in love with each other; further disappointments ensue. Add to this mix Emma’s Achilles heel – the long-admired Mr Churchill, her rival in love Miss Fairfax, her bumbling old father and some heavy home truths from Knightley, and you have a recipe for a veritable West Country Coronation Street of tussles, resentments and misunderstandings.

Stephen Unwin’s production is slick and smart, with an emphasis on the comedy which can divert you from the fact that, deep down, Emma is a truly nasty piece of work, with a malicious streak revealing that she doesn’t give two hoots about anyone’s happiness or wellbeing. Her relish, for example, at the prospect of watching the admittedly dreadful Mrs Elton eating a strawberry (to which she allergic) is downright cruel. Any other character insights are pretty much ignored, as it’s all done for fun, and everything turns out all right in the end.

Ceci Calf’s set design is as blank and simple as you can imagine, inviting a silent running joke about the endless times that Mr Woodhouse’s chair and side table are diligently and knowingly brought on and off the stage. Her costume design is traditional and functional, all very respectable and nothing too showy except for the extravagant costume of the tastelessly imperious Augusta.

The cast all capture the spirit of the show very well, with a strong and credible central performance by India Shaw-Smith as Emma, bristling with confidence and the certainty that she is the most important person in the universe. In her professional debut, Maiya Louise Thapar gives us an affectionately unworldly Harriet, trapped by Emma’s plans and convincingly disturbed when all her prospects turn to dust.

William Chubb gives a scene-stealing performance as Woodhouse, curmudgeonly but not irredeemably so, knowing when to escape for the good of his senses. Ed Sayer gives a charismatic performance as Knightley, dishing out the criticisms much to Emma’s annoyance; Oscar Batterham is excellent as the hopeful Elton, only to be replaced by a more world-weary version after his marriage, and Rose Quentin is superb as the ghastly Augusta, point-scoring wherever she can, and never satisfied even when she has the best of everything.

The production never really soars into either the blissfully funny or revelatory character examination, but it bubbles along jovially in a sequence of amusing scenes and does exactly what it says on the tin. Did it make me want to read the book? Not really. But it was an entertaining way to spend a Thursday evening in Chichester!

 

3-starsThree-sy Does It!