Mrs Chrisparkle and I were probably amongst the last people on earth not to know what Birdsong is all about. We’ve not read the book; we didn’t see the TV adaptation; and we missed the play the first time around. My expectations were that it would be a World War One love story – all trenches and silk postcards, and probably with a very sad ending. Whilst there are some similarities, that doesn’t really capture it. Stephen Wraysford is a young lieutenant on the Somme – a fish out of water and with unresolved heartache concerning Isabelle, a married woman with whom he fell in love six years earlier. By use of flashbacks, you see how the relationship with Isabelle came about, and that developing story is contrasted with the here and now horror of the First World War.
I understand that the book has a complex time structure and so to adapt that to the stage is a challenge. Personally, I didn’t think it worked that well as a play. The first act in particular has so many backward and forward flip-flops in it, that you never stay in one place and one time long enough fully to digest the characters and build a dramatic tension. I confess I actually found the structure of the first act positively irritating. It was almost like it was trying deliberately to be clever, but at the sacrifice of the story and drama. It was very disjointed, and every time the story line got going, you’d flash back, or forward, and lose the momentum.
The first act is also way too long. Mrs C checked my watch after three-quarters of an hour – a sure sign that she was bored – but the interval curtain didn’t fall until another three-quarters of an hour had passed. The lady to my right, who hadn’t bought a programme, thought it was a one – act play and was about to go home when she twigged that people had left their coats behind just to go to the bar. Before the second act, she told me that it was only through discussions with her companions that she now had the remotest clue as to what was going on. Why had the daughter turned into a prostitute? Why had the father become a captain in the army? I showed her the programme note that says the play takes place on the Western Front, 1916-18, but also moves back to 1910, Amiens, as Stephen delves into his past. I also showed her that many of the cast double- or indeed triple-up their roles, so that if you’re not on the ball, you might get confused. “Ohhhh, that explains it” she sighed. She seemed to me to be perfectly intelligent, so I deduce that the play – or production – doesn’t communicate its message fully. Credit where it’s due though; the second act is hugely better. There are far fewer time changes, and those there are flow much more naturally. There was enough opportunity to really appreciate the characters and understand some of their fears and motives – and the acting generally improved too. Mrs C felt – and I tend to agree – that quite a lot of the acting in the first act veered towards the mahogany.
Victoria Spearing’s set is amazing; in such a tiny space as the diminutive Royal stage, it recreates the trenches, bars, tunnels, drawing rooms, bedrooms, hospitals, and so on. The set is also subservient to the action; it never upstages it by clever trickery, it’s just there fulfilling its proper purpose. Similarly Alex Wardle’s lighting design effortlessly moves from summer sunshine to claustrophobic tunnel and the use of silhouettes and offstage mines and bombs is very effective.
Absolutely central to the play is the character of Stephen, played by Jonathan Smith. He’s a mixed up character – rather selfish in some respects, generous and heroic in others; passionate in love; tormented by the past. Whilst Mr Smith really has the noble bearing that looks perfect for the role, I have to confess I didn’t really believe in the character all the time. I think the structure of the play, with all the time changes, really did not work in his favour. Neither Mrs C or I were convinced by his protestations of love for Isabelle – we didn’t get a genuine feeling of romance or passion; when they finally fall into each other’s arms and they indulge in the briefest of rather bizarre foreplay, I just felt he was going through the motions. It’s still a good performance, don’t get me wrong – I just thought he could have been a little bit angrier, a little bit more passionate; with deference to Dorothy Parker, he ran the gamut B to Y.
However, as Jack, Tim Treloar put in a superb performance. Full of honesty, clarity and insight, his controlled agony of missing his wife and son was extremely moving, and his support for his senior officer totally believable. There was a terrific dramatic intensity in his scene with Arthur, played equally well by Liam McCormick, when Arthur demands that Jack draws a picture of him. Now that was drama. When Jack cries out “he was my best friend”, that for me was the goosebump moment of the night. Other good performances came from Malcolm James, especially in his role as Captain Gray, Sarah Jane Dunn as Isabelle and Charlie G Hawkins as the terrified young Tipper.
I don’t like being negative about a production, and there are many good aspects about this show, but in the final analysis, it didn’t really do that much for me. Too much time flipping, too little sustained dramatic tension. My guess is that it simply works better as a book. I’ve read some other reviews of this production and I realise I am in the minority, most people seem to love it – so don’t trust me, see it for yourself, it’s touring until August!
Back in 1986 Mrs Chrisparkle and I embarked upon a whirlwind assault on all the London major musicals. In the space of a few months we saw Chess, Cats, La Cage aux Folles, Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera (third night, no less), and Starlight Express. The young Mrs C (Miss D as she was) wasn’t entirely convinced at the time of the credibility of choo-choo trains racing, falling in love, and praying to the choo-choo God, the eponymous Starlight Express. I, still being a relatively callow youth myself at the time, thought it was all rather exciting, magical and enchanting, and loved every minute of it.
27 years on – to the day, would you believe, we first saw it on 4th May 1986 – and we found ourselves at the Saturday matinee of Starlight Express all over again. Does it still have the power to excite and enchant? Absolutely! There’s certainly been a lot of changes. No Belle; Rocky I, II and III are now the Hip Hoppers; Pearl’s “He Whistled At Me”, originally sung after she’s been smitten by Greaseball, now comes earlier in the show as “He’ll Whistle At Me” when she’s still fantasising about the engine of her dreams; the outdated Ashley (we don’t smoke anymore) has become the much more acceptable Duvay (we do still sleep, however); and other songs have been cut, and other characters renamed.Of course, the major difference is that at the Apollo Victoria the race circuit cut right through the auditorium on an apron, whereas on this tour, the live races are replaced by filmed versions for which you have to don 3D “safety goggles”. It’s a clever way of getting round that difficult staging issue, and to be fair the filmed races are quite exciting and inventive; nevertheless I couldn’t help feel a slight sense of being cheated of live action – this is a stage production after all.
Primarily, though, this show is a visual and audio feast. Banks of strong, brightly coloured lights dart their lurid beams here and there across the stage and into the auditorium; special effects include noisy sudden thrusts of steam parping their way around the footlights, that made Mrs C jump out of her skin at first;superbly ornate and detailed costumes reflect each individual train’s character; and a cracking backstage orchestra give their all to make every chord zing. The whole presentation of the show is guaranteed to knock you out with vitality and stimulation, and if you are of Mrs C’s persuasion that, deep down, there’s not a lot of substance here, well who cares? It’s purely for sheer, here and now, in the moment, entertainment.
The cast are all expert on wheels and take their roles with gusto and panache. Kristofer Harding plays Rusty, our hero, the little steam engine with a big heart of gold, who is desperate to impress the glamorous Pearl, but what hope does a shabby steam engine have against a macho diesel or a slick electric train? Ah, but it’s what’s on the inside that counts; otherwise there’d be no show.Mr Harding has a terrific voice with a clarity and purity that perfectly fits the character. When he is finally blessed with his vision of Starlight Express before the interval, his rendition of that song is one long heart-tug, so that even the “trains can’t have feelings” stance of Mrs C would be banished in a flourish of Kleenex. A great performance!
And what of Rusty’s rivals? I really enjoyed the performance of Mykal Rand as Electra, full of neon glamour and with plenty of the AC/DC about him, as his title song suggests; a great singer and dancer, he hits just the right level of camp and brings out all the humour of the role. Jamie Capewell’s diesel Greaseball is high on vanity and attitude and he gave a very slick performancebut I felt he could have been just a tad greasier and nastier; although Mrs C doesn’t agree, she thought he got it just right. Electra and Greaseball’s “One Rock and Roll Too Many”, together with Stuart Armfield’s nicely evil Red Caboose, was very funny and completely believable – you felt that after the exhaustion of that final race they would never again be the trains they once were.
Pearl was played by Amanda Coutts with appropriately sexy charm and I’m not surprised that young Rusty’s head was turned. She’s got a belter of a voice too. I also really liked Ruthie Stephens’ Dinah, a country and western carriage who suffered every interaction with Greaseball as if she were Tammy Wynette, beautifully encapsulated in the very funny “Uncoupled” song. Lothair Eaton’s Poppa has a great voice and presence andeads the whole cast in a very rousing performance of Life at the End of the Tunnel as a finale. And there were superb vocal and dancing performances from the three Hip Hopper trains, Robert Nurse, Lex Milczarek and Ben Harrold, who really livened up the stage whenever they were on and whose “Right Place Right Time” number absolutely hit the spot – funny and exciting choreography from the one and only Arlene Phillips.
A totally sold out Milton Keynes Theatre gave it a rapturous reception. Sadly that was the last scheduled day of this tour, but I doubt it will be absent from our stages for long. This production certainly keeps the old show alive and you leave the theatre high on exhilaration!
If you cast your mind back to February, gentle reader, I was telling you all about a Mediterranean cruise that Mrs Chrisparkle, I, and several relatives embarked on just before Christmas. Since then, we’ve been to India, to South East Asia, we’ve seen lots of shows, and been generally very busy; and those two last days on our cruise have been ignored. So I’m about to put that right!
When the ship docks at Palermo, you’ve got a wide range of tours you can do round the island of Sicily, but we prefer just to get off and walk around. Although it was December, it was a beautiful sunny day; and maybe the sun just got in our eyes a bit too much because within fifteen minutes of walking around we were completely lost. My map was a bit rubbish, not to scale and it didn’t show where we started from, and I quickly concluded that we weren’t anywhere near where I thought we were. So it was by pure chance that we stumbled across the Politeama Garibaldi theatre, home of the Orchestra Sinfonica Siciliana, built in 1874, and looking extraordinarily like a mini Albert Hall. It faces a rather grand square, which features a statue of Ruggiero Settimo, Sicilian patriot and fighter for independence. The area has a jolly feel to it – tourists and shoppers mingling with local families and workers on their lunch break. What also impressed me was a display of civic art that you could use to keep fit – a row of static bicycles in multi colours, all mounted on a bright platform. Anyone who gets on and does a bit of pedalling becomes part of the installation, so in a sense it’s a constantly changing display. Clever, that.
We walked on, and eventually (after having gone in the wrong direction, again) found ourselves being growled at by a lion (not a real one) outside the Teatro Massimo Victor Emanuele, Italy’s largest opera house. We didn’t go in, but admired its grandeur and superbly stocked gardens. You get an excellent sense of space here – not only because the building is so imposing, but the road outside is wide and not too busy, and you feel as though commerce has given way to art. It’s nice when that happens.
Further on, and into a market area, just off the via Maqueda, full of the usual kind of stalls full of tat, but set alongside shops that are clearly top fashion – which makes for an interesting mix. Onwards to the junction with the Corso Vittorio Emanuele, one of my favourite spots in Palermo; a simple crossroads but the buildings on all four quarters have a concave shape to give the impression of a circle. From here you can enter the Church of San Giuseppe dei Teatini, with its stunning baroque ceiling, gorgeous dome and intricate statuary. Always a nice place for a fifteen minute rest and re-grouping.
From there it’s a short walk to the Vucciria district. This is a none-too-pretty, hard-working, historical market area, with some narrow warrens reminiscent of the souk. Shops overspill into the street and fight for space with pedestrians and motorbikes, awnings and scaffolding. Here you feel that you’re in the heart of the city, and that the opera houses, theatres and churches are the mere decorations on top. As you wend your way past fruiterers and fishmongers, the smells (not always pleasant) take over from the sights, and the alleyways get narrower so that the light gets blocked out. Eventually the column outside the church of San Domenico comes into view like the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel and you re-emerge into the modern day.
Heading back to the port, we took a route that led us past some modern architecture, and, imposing as it was, it looked really out of place. On closer inspection this tall edifice bore the inscription “”ai caduti nello lotta contra la mafia” and is a 1983 monument dedicated to those who have lost their lives in the fight against the Mafia. Quite a stark image before you leave Palermo for your onward journey.
From the sun of Palermo, the next day saw the rain of Rome. Isn’t always the way? Every time we come to Rome it rains. It’s as predictable as… well, the weather really. Virtually every umbrella we own was bought somewhere between St Peter’s (where the coach from Civitavecchia drops you off) and the Piazza Navona. We splashed our way across the piazza and considered joining the queue to go into the Basilica – as we haven’t been in for some time – but then saw how long it was and realised it would be the only thing we would have time for. So we pushed onwards, on our usual round trip of favourite Roman sights.
Those ubiquitous refreshment vans that you see everywhere in Rome look so drab in the rain. The promise of Bibite and Gelati looks woefully inadequate when what you really want is Bovril and broth. Over the Tiber we went, looking particularly gruesome in wet winter weather – the water is the same colour as a light green Morris Marina. When everyone else is wielding brollies you realise how narrow some of the pavements in Rome are, particularly when you are the only keen tourist wanting to make their way to the sights and not dawdling and taking photos of pigeons like everyone else.
On the Corso Vittorio Emanuele, we nipped into the Chiesa Nuova, just in time to take a quick photo before the caretaker evicted us all for lunch. I always like to go in there to see its amazing ceiling and gold decorations – in any other city it would be revered beyond all measure, but in Rome it’s Just Another Church. We diverted off the back using the via del Corallo to take a look at the Santa Maria della Pace, and then dropped down into the top bit of the Piazza Navona. I’ve been here many times before – the first time was when I was 18 and there is a very embarrassing photo of me eating spaghetti al fresco, with it going everywhere. The prevalence of messy tomato sauce is not quite as embarrassing as the Rubettes style cap I was wearing at the time. Fashion is so cruel.
We’ve never been to Italy in December before and so I was surprised, but very delighted, to see that the Piazza Navona turns into one big Christmas market. It makes for a very lively clash of culture, with Giacomo della Porta’s fountains dominating rows of Santa hats and glass baubles. Continuing our normal route we crossed a few roads until we ended up at the Pantheon. Another of our regular must-see sights when in Rome. From the outside it’s majestic; from the inside it takes your breath away. Designed by Hadrian almost 2000 years ago, the height and diameter of the rotunda are both 142 feet and the only light is provided by the oculus hole at the top. The construction was an extraordinary feat, and to think that it survives today as well as it does is beyond words. Home to the tombs of, inter alia, Victor Emanuel, Umberto I and Raphael, it’s a building that keeps pace with modern life, and I think it’s a stunner.
From the Pantheon, it’s another short walk along the via di Pietra onto the via delle Muratte – a good place to buy books and calendars, and also home to an apartment where Mrs Chrisparkle and I spent a lovely week about ten years ago, so we always think of it as being “Our Residence in Rome” – and just follow the crowds to the Trevi Fountain. We could see the Trevi from our flat – and I can confirm, it never sleeps. Crowds are there morning, noon and night; and even in the darkest hour, when few tourists lurk, the city cleaners are out there maintaining it – noisily. Nicola Salvi’s dramatic horses are on a permanent mission to clamber over those splashy rocks whilst Tritons attempt to hold them back. I always find this such an exhilarating place – it’s a combination of the crowds, the noise, the water and the sculpture that I find hard to beat. You just have to gaze at it all for a quarter of an hour and lose yourself. Magic!
From the Trevi, you’ve basically got two choices. Do you head north and find the Spanish Steps? Or do you head south for the Colosseum and Forum? As we were accompanied by our nieces Secret Agent Code November and Special Agent Code Sierra, plus their male parent D and female parent M, none of whom had been to Rome before, they were desperate to see the Colosseum. That was the decider. The route takes you down the via del Corso and its fashionable shops and its fashionable shoppers, and past the Victor Emmanuel Monument, which I always like to see; that controversial structure has been likened to both a wedding cake and an old fashioned typewriter, but its main source of controversy was that it blocked out the view of the Forum from the centre of town.
As we walked on, we looked over into the Forum area and thought it looked deserted. Odd, I thought, we’ll check it out on the way back. Down at the Colosseum, as it was Christmas, they had an attractive Christmas tree outside. It looked relatively appropriate in the December drizzle, but gave an additional air of bizarreness to the guys dressed as gladiators. No matter how many times you see it, the Colosseum is a wonderful sight. It looms so large at the end of the road, and its circular shape puts you in mind of a Roman gasometer; and then as your eyes follow it round you get the harsh reality of where its ancient beauty just stops and the wall falls away at 30 degrees from the top. It’s such a dramatic structure. The queue to get in was almost as long as that at St. Peter’s so we decided just to wander around it and drink in the atmosphere. Nearby is the stunning Arch of Constantine, which looks like (and of course is) an ancient monument but it’s actually 200 years younger than the Pantheon.
We thought we’d return back through the Forum, which is when I discovered why it was empty. They were charging to get in! I’ve never been charged to get in before. I think they now only have one free day a week or so. It’s a real shame, because, like nipping into a gallery for fifteen minutes to do one room really well, it was always nice to dip in for a short while and be at one with history. Now you have to plan your visit and give yourself enough time to do the whole thing, or else it isn’t worth the entrance fee. And we didn’t have enough time to do the whole thing. So we didn’t go in at all.
Just going to give a mention to our other favourite Rome sight, even though it’s one that we didn’t fit in on that day, and that’s the church of San Clemente, at the via di San Giovanni in Laterano. What’s incredible about it is that it consists of three churches in one, each built on top of each other, over centuries of use. In the basement is a pagan church from the 4th century; at street level there is a 12th century church and on top is a 17th century extension dedicated to St Clement. You feel as though, just by travelling a few feet, and going up a few stairs, you pass through eras. A memorable sight.
And that concluded our two days in Italy. We returned to St Peter’s using the subway system, and it worked like a dream. A slow coach ride back to Civitavecchia, but by taking the “official” unescorted tour, you know the ship will wait for you if you are delayed. There’s nothing quite like a cheeky Mediterranean cruise to excite the sightseeing buds and the MSC Splendida is a very beautiful ship indeed. Hopefully we’ll be back soon!
Continuing the success of the rest of the season, last Friday’s Screaming Blue Murder had yet again a full house to watch yet again three top acts who yet again we had seen before, but yet again it didn’t matter as they were on terrific form – yet again.
Our compere was Dan Evans, lively and engaging as ever, and coping effortlessly well with what turned out to be a front two rows teeming with police. I think he shocked himself with the directness of one jibe to a lady in the front row – which she seemed perfectly happy with – so that he spent the rest of the evening apologising to her. That in itself was extremely entertaining!
Our first act was Luke Toulson, who we enjoyed very much a couple of years ago. I think a lot of his material was the same but he delivers it with such confident amiability that virtually every line is a winner. Looking back on the evening, all the best lines and comedy sequences belonged to him – playing at shops in a rather cynical way with his daughter; how the birth of UKIP might have taken place; taking hide and seek a little too seriously and discussions with other parents at the school gates; these had everyone uncontrollable with mirth. He could have carried on the whole night.
Second was Sally Anne Hayward, who we saw about three years ago; again a very funny act with sometimes toe-clenchingly awkward material about desperate sex and self-image issues, delivered at a perfect pace. There’s something about her self-deprecating persona that really helps you identify yourself with her. Great stuff.
Lastly we had Noel James, who also appeared the last time Sally Anne Hayward appeared… coincidence, I wonder? Noel James is laugh out loud funny from start to finish, his speciality being a penchant for the pun, which I guess sometimes might not work but here he went down a storm. Delightfully silly without being unbelievable, impeccable comic timing and hugely confident.
Just one more show in this season, which has got to have been the most successful run of comedy nights here in the four years we’ve been attending. Don’t miss it!
So we’ve reached the final six now to be added to twenty of Europe’s most successful semi-final hopes to make the grand line-up for Saturday 18th May. Of course, this year, we don’t yet know the actual order of appearance, so I’ll present them to you in alphabetical order of country, together with the range of oddschecker.com odds as listed by bookmakers who will give you an each way place on the top four songs, as at 26th April, and also those all-important five star ratings. Let’s get started!
France – Amandine Bourgeois – L’Enfer et moi (Hell and me)
Well here’s a light fluffy number for the Saturday evening light entertainment TV viewers. Amandine Bourgeois (which appears to be French for “Middle class served with almonds”) pouts and sulks her way through a gothic video recipe of blood and rose petals with just a hint of nutmeg, eventually turning on a guy tied up in a scary dark room that she had obviously prepared earlier. As the late Mrs Thatcher once said on Multi Coloured Swap Shop “it’s got a good beat”, and there’s a distinct whiff of the slinky and sexy to the whole thing. La Bourgeois won the sixth series of French Pop Idol in 2008 and the lyricist is one Boris Bergman who also wrote “Un train qui part” and “Une chanson c’est une lettre” for Monaco way back in the 70s. Not at all bad, but maybe it should be a little better? 50-1 to 80-1 ****
Germany – Cascada – Glorious
One of the few songs this year that could be considered remotely schlagertastic. Singer Natalie is a bright, bouncy and jolly girl and she brings a big dollop of happiness to the stage. For me the song is four-fifths of the way there; very nearly excellent, but there’s just something holding it back. With its understated verse and grand chorus, it bears comparison with Euphoria, but is found wanting in the balance. That’s probably its downfall. Cascada of course have been hugely successful worldwide and that’s not going to do them any harm at all. Nevertheless, I can’t see this winning. 18-1 to 25-1 ****
Italy – Marco Mengoni – L’essenziale (The Essence)
For me, this is this year’s “Kuula”, a well sung ballad by a smouldering guy and and a song that everybody loves – apart from me. I’ve heard it a few times and instantly afterwards have absolutely no recollection of the tune. It’s a heart-searching “love’s a tragedy” lyric, and Marco is obviously feeling the pain, but I’d prefer it to be a private moment that he should share just with his piano. I love a joke as much as the next man, but, leave me out of it, hey, Marco? The preposterous underwater singing, violin playing and book-reading in the video just makes me laugh scornfully. Marco won the Italian X-Factor in 2009, and if there was a prize for the best quiff, he’d be ten feet taller than everyone else. Probably he is. Boring! 16-1 to 20-1 **
Spain – ESDM – Contigo hasta el final (With You Until The End)
Despite one’s initial suspicion, ESDM is not some Spanish fetish involving chains and castanets, but stands for El Sueño de Morfeo, which proabably makes less sense than a strapped down flamenco dancer. Raquel del Rosario is a good-looking girl who also happens to be F1 driver Fernando Alonso’s ex. The mood of the song is kind of folk-rock dreamy, very gentle, very relaxing; you almost expect to hear distant dolphins and whales chilling out with you, and you do get a horse galloping in from the sea, just as in those tasteful 1970s prints. Sadly, what starts off as beguiling, ends up just a bit boring, and I don’t think it will make any impact on the night. Nice horse, though. 100-1 to 150-1 **
Sweden – Robin Stjernberg – You
We went to a Melodifestivalen party this year and we all had to put the ten finalists in our order of preference. Both Mrs Chrisparkle and I put this song in tenth position. I haven’t a clue how it beat David Lindgren, Yohio, or any of the others. However, when we added everyone’s points together, the song that the party gave maximum points to was – Robin Stjernberg. So for some reason that eludes me, this is a really popular song. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad; I don’t think Robin’s voice, particularly in the quieter parts, is that well controlled, and the chorus, to be charitable, is repetitive. There is an underlying power to it, I agree; but it’s very underlying. 12-1 to 22-1 ***
UK – Bonnie Tyler – Believe in Me
Which brings us finally to our Bonnie. When we first heard that she was going to be the UK representative, Mrs C and I were both very excited and thought it was a great choice. Then I heard the song and my instant reaction was that it was as dull as ditchwater. Then Mrs C heard the song and her instant reaction was that it was fab. It is improving with many listens, but I still confess I only play it out of curiosity, to remember how it goes, and not out of any wish to hear it again. I think it’s a song I admire more than like. With any luck, she will have loads of experience to fall back on, and not get fazed by the experience. Undoubtedly the one performer in the whole contest with the most successful recording career, and I for one would be thrilled if it won. 25-1 to 33-1 ***
Last year I did a little analysis of the songs that had received the most hits on the eurovision.tv youtube channel, to see if there was anything one could deduce from it. The most popular song was Russia (which came 2nd), then Cyprus (which came 16th) and then the UK (which came 25th). So it’s only of limited use! Nevertheless, here are the scores on the doors as it stands at this very moment in time:
10th – Greece (215,764)
9th – Norway (221,774)
8th – Sweden (259, 294)
7th – Germany(303,612)
6th – UK (323,460)
5th – Serbia (565,642)
4th – Azerbaijan (649,961)
3rd – Denmark (720,079)
2nd – Ukraine (835,881)
1st – Montenegro (1,162,020)
Montenegro? MONTENEGRO????? Yes, Montenegro. Europe is awash with happy little dubsteppers groovin’ and jammin’ across the continent.
So now I’m going to give you my top ten favourites:
In at Number 10, I’m going for the simplicity of Hungary’s Kedvesem
At 9, it’s little Belgian Roberto complaining that Love Kills
My number 8 is Aliona from Moldova singing about thousands, or millions, your choice
7th place goes to the disco pleasing Irish entry from Ryan and Only Love Survives
6 is that big favourite from Denmark, Emmelie and Only Teardrops
At Number 5 it’s the gorgeous Zlata from Ukraine hoping Gravity doesn’t plummet
My 4th choice is for the powerhouse from Norway, Margaret Berger on a love feeding frenzy
Top 3 – At 3 it’s the musical medic, Gianluca Bezzina from Malta with Tomorrow
Runner-up always the bridesmaid but maybe this time the bride, Krista from Finland and Marry Me
And my favourite song this year is the Swiss Army Knives (Salvation branch) and the anthemic You and Me.
I have come to the conclusion that this year’s contest is wide open. Almost anyone could win, and almost anyone could come last. I’m going to make a prediction that the following ten songs will be in the top ten – but I’m not going to pin myself down to positions. I think they will be:
Azerbaijan
Denmark
Germany
Georgia
Italy
Norway
Russia
Serbia
Ukraine
UK
Feel free to scoff and deride my choices – and I’ll meet you back here on Wednesday 15th May to pick over the devastation of the results of the First Semi. Happy Eurovisioning!
Hello again, and I can see how desperate you are for a run down of this year’s Semi Final Two songs so let’s get on with it! As before, we’ll go through the songs in the order they’ll be performed on Thursday 16th May, and including the range of odds for those bookmakers who will give you an each way bet on the first four places, as it appeared on oddschecker.com on 26th April, and also that all important five star rating. Here we go!
Latvia – PeR – Here We Go
And, Good Lord, that’s the name of the first song. Now, if beatbox is your thing, one of these guys, Edmunds, is very good at it. Trouble is, beatbox isn’t usually a sign of Eurovision success. I think it’s fair to say it’s a slight song – not much substance, more chants and “woh”s, and a lot of “here we go”s. These guys performed at the London Preview Party and there’s no doubting their enthusiasm and willingness to entertain, but it just all fails somehow. Last year they had Disco Superfly in the Latvian final and that was a much better effort. PeR, apparently, stands for “Please Explain The Rhythm”. Could just as easily have been PeA (Please explain the appeal) or PeTswil (Please explain how this song won in Latvia). There it goes. 100-1 to 300-1 *
San Marino – Valentina Monetta – Crisalide
Valentina Monetta returns for San Marino with a song much more suited to her style, although I really did find the Facebook song a lot of fun. Once again the song is written by Uncle Ralph Siegel, and, if nothing else, you have to admire the man’s sheer volume of output. Some have criticised the song for having two minutes of credibility and one minute of cop-out; others think it’s two minutes of dullness partly rescued by one minute of semi-jollity. I’m unsure. I liked it a lot on first hearing but I’m going off it more and more as time goes on. Mind you, “liking a lot on first hearing” is precisely what you want from a Eurovision song. I think this will be San Marino’s first ever qualifier – but I wouldn’t like to say more than that. Interesting video – I haven’t seen that much drama in a red sheet since our honeymoon. 20-1 to 33-1 ***
FYR Macedonia – Esma and Lozano – Pred Da Se Razdeni
Esma and Lozano were originally chosen to sing for FYR Macedonia with a song called Imperija, which was later withdrawn because, apparently, the initial online reaction to it was not very good. So they changed it to Pred Da Se Razdeni, to my mind a far less satisfying little ditty. If you like a spot of Balkan caterwauling you’re in for a treat. There’s no denying that Esma is extraordinary – she’s 69 years old, has performed in over 9,000 concerts in 30 countries; she’s recorded 108 singles, 20 albums and appeared in 6 films – and if that wasn’t enough, she and her late husband have fostered no fewer than 47 children. She even had a song in the comedy film Borat. The song is a culture clash to western ears and I’m afraid it does nothing for me at all. Shame. 100-1 to 300-1 *
Azerbaijan – Farid Mammadov – Hold Me
The first male soloist to represent Azerbaijan in the contest, 21-year-old Farid’s song is a pleasant ballad with a nice key change and a satisfying tune. He’s got a bit of a nasally timbre to his voice which slightly gets on my nerves – maybe he recorded it when he had a cold. The first time I heard it I thought it was a bit rubbish actually – but like a crusty port it improves with age. The song is composed by Dimitris Kontopoulos who’s had a hand in the careers of notables such as Ani Lorak, Sakis Rouvas, Michalis Hatzigiannis and Elena Paparizou. According to wikipedia, so it must be right, Farid’s interests include Greco-Roman wrestling and the Brazilian martial art of Capoeira, so let’s hope he doesn’t get carried away after a few drinks in the Euroclub. 22-1 to 33-1 ***
Finland – Krista Siegfrids – Marry Me
Apparently written to inspire Krista’s long term boyfriend to pop the question, Marry Me is a bright and bouncy singalong tune and Krista and her ladette backing singers go all out to impress as Team Ding Dong. She’s done some stage work and has been on the Finnish version of The Voice, and her participation in this year’s Finnish National Final was an overwhelming success, gaining top points from both televoters and jury. I think it’s fair to say she’s no wallflower; and her energy certainly comes across on stage – she was terrific at the London Preview Party. Although the lyrics put back the emancipation of women by several decades, it’s still one of my favourites this year. 50-1 to 80-1 *****
Malta – Gianluca Bezzina – Tomorrow
If anyone gets taken ill on the night in Malmo and they call out, “is there a Doctor in the house”, Gianluca’s your man, as he’s been a practising doctor since last summer. “Tomorrow” is a deliciously engaging mini saga about Jeremy from IT having his safe and controlled life swept away by a little minx reading the same book as him. Apparently this is about two thirds of an original version of the song, the final third of which resolves what happens when he follows her tomorrow – perhaps one day we’ll find out. Gianluca performed this at the London Preview Party and the whole room joined in with the “Woh – oh, woh – oh”s. Its lightness of touch and its unusual style make it stand out from the crowd and I think we may be looking at Malta’s best result for years. 66-1 to 100-1 *****
Bulgaria – Elitsa and Stoyan – Samo Shampioni
Do you remember the old days of 45 rpm records? If the hole in the middle got enlarged and it didn’t sit centrally on the spindle, it would make the arm and the needle wobble back and forth on the turntable and the music would sound warped as a result. This is clearly the effect Elitsa and Stoyan are trying to recreate with their 2013 entry. They enjoyed a successful fifth place in 2007 with their (IMHO overrated) song Water, but that is like the Hallelujah Chorus in comparison with the dire Samo Shampioni. True, it is a little better than the totally ghastly Kismet that was first chosen, but this is definitely toilet break material for me. 100-1 to 250-1 *
Iceland – Eyþór Ingi Gunnlaugsson – Ég á líf (I Have A Life)
A curious video depicting some sort of supernatural near-drowning incident accompanies this assertive little song about having a life now that Eyþór’s found lurrve. I find its repetitive major chord chorus a little inane but it’s certainly got a charm of its own. Eyþór is from Dalvík in northern Iceland which is where Friðrik Ómar was born, so that’s got to be a good sign. It’s written by Örlygur Smári who has composed Tell Me, This is my life and Je ne sais quoi for Iceland, and Pétur Örn Guðmundsson who’s been a backing vocalist for five Icelandic entries. Eyþór looks like he ought to be a member of a Deep Purple tribute band. Good heavens, he really is a member of a Deep Purple tribute band. He doesn’t really look right for such a gentle song – but maybe that will help it stand out. 100-1 to 250-1 ***
Greece – Koza Mostra feat. Agathonas Iakovidis – Alcohol is Free
Here’s another rather disconcerting video, this time with a creepy old guy (Mr Iakovidis) fingering his moustaches every time he sets eyes on the Koza Mostra boys (who are dressed like they’re from the Clan McAthens). They performed at the London Preview Party and they had great attack. Everything about this song should be crowd pleasing – it’s pacey, with enough traditional Greek instruments to appeal your Zorba complex, and it’s fun – and then it goes and ruins it all by having a woeful chorus that just repeats the title ten times. Mind you some of the other lyrics are a bit weird – according to diggiloo.net they include “The whiskey is not to blame; the ice cubes were methylated and our boat finally has wheels, breathalyser and traffic warden.” That must have been a helluva night on the ouzo. 33-1 to 50-1 **
Israel – Moran Mazor – Rak Bishvilo (Only For Him)
Well now, this is nothing if not dramatic; and after the triteness of the lyrics of the Greek entry, this lyric is Shakespearean in comparison. Moran Mazor sings of how she will basically walk to the ends of the earth Only For Him. Israel’s answer to Adele, Moran is a comely wench with a touch of the secretary about her with those specs and a voice that can belt out a good tune at fifty paces. The song isn’t really my thing, but I recognise that will appeal to many. And it is growing on me. 100-1 to 150-1 ***
Armenia – Dorians – Lonely Planet
From the pen of Black Sabbath’s Tony Iommi comes this soporific piece of soft rock. I actually quite like it – but something about it is so relaxing that I can’t keep awake through its entirety. The group Dorians have been together for five years now and have acquired a loyal fan base and a few awards on the way. Lead singer Gor Sujyan was a backing singer on Apricot Stone a few years ago, and lyricist Vardan Zadoyan also gave us the memorable (sic) words to Jan Jan. Simple but effective video too. It’s one of only two rock songs in this year’s contest and I think it will qualify. 66-1 to 125-1 ***
Hungary – ByeAlex – Kedvesem (My sweetheart)
The first time I heard this I thought it was so laid back it was barely there. But after a few hearings it has really grown on me. Even though – I am assuming dear reader that you are not a native Hungarian speaker – you haven’t got a clue what he’s singing about, his voice has a remarkably expressive tone. And in fact the lyrics are about how his sweetheart is a quirky kind of girl with messy hair who splashes in beautiful seas; and you get the sense of it being a really touching love song. ByeAlex is the nom de chanson of Alex Márta, a 28-year-old journalist from eastern Hungary. I guess the unintelligible language may hold it back on the night, but it really ought to do very well. 80-1 to 200-1 ****
Norway – Margaret Berger – I Feed You My Love
Another arrangement with more than its fair share of technothrob, Margaret Berger gives a steely performance of this unsentimental love song with a really modern feel and striking imagery. It’s a track off her latest album, and was written by Karin Park and Macho Psycho. That’s not the rather butch son of Mr and Mrs Psycho, but a Swedish songwriting/producing team who have worked with Justin Timberlake and the Backstreet Boys amongst others. Miss Berger came second in the second series of Norwegian Idol, beating a certain Maria Haukass Storeng in the process. I think this song is a little off-putting at first, but after a bit it really warms up. I predict Good Things for this third favourite with the bookies. 13-2 to 8-1 *****
Albania – Adrian Lulgjuraj and Bledar Sejko – Identitet (Identity)
Here’s the other rock song in this year’s contest – which has a few folky drums chucked in for good measure too. The first male voices for Albania since 2007 and the first time ever that they haven’t chosen a soloist. Adrian is originally from Montenegro, and Bledar has performed once before at the Festival I Kenges, in 1992, but we don’t talk about that because he came last. He’s a guitarist who created a rock group that had to perform in secret in the late 1980s when the communist regime didn’t allow such hippy things and he was also a backing performer on stage with Aurela Gace in Düsseldorf. I’m not normally one to like the Albanian entries much, but I think this has a lot going for it. 100-1 to 200-1 ***
Georgia – Nodi Tatishvili and Sophie Gelovani – Waterfall
This song seems to be doing well in a number of the fan votes at the moment but to be honest its appeal is passing me by. It’s extremely nice in a drippy bland way – I see it as being like this year’s Running Scared but with much less of a hook in its tune. Nodi and Sophie make good harmonies, that’s for sure; and of course it’s written by Thomas G:son, responsible for wonderful things like Euphoria and I Love You Mi Vida, and also for that execrable In A Moment Like This. Pleasant tune, but too safe and cosy for me. 18-1 to 20-1 **
Switzerland – Takasa – You and Me
Controversial possibly but this remains my favourite song this year. I loved it from the moment I first heard its anthemic ahh ahh ahh’s and I haven’t changed my mind. They are of course the Swiss Salvation Army, who weren’t allowed to wear their uniforms on stage or call themselves the Heilsarmee, and I know they are an institution that may instinctively attract or repel you, depending on your point of view. I’m just taking the song at face value. And I’m also pretty much in awe of Emil who was 95 in February. Takasa, apparently, is a Swahili word meaning “Clean” or “Purify”, but of course it is also an acronym for The Artists Known As Salvation Army. Cheeky! The song is firmly rooted under my skin and staying there for God knows how long. I hope it qualifies. 100-1 to 125-1 *****
Romania – Cezar – It’s My Life
It’s My Life: not that wonderful old Talk Talk song, but a totally dreadful piece of overblown popera by “Cezar The Voice”, or Cezar Florin Ouatu, to give him his full name. Cezar is an established opera singer who has performed at the Lausanne Opera and won best countertenor at a festival in 2003. My advice to him would be to stick with the real thing. Popera is one of my pet hates but I now realise quite how brilliant Malena Ernman’s La Voix is. When Cezar takes to the stage at the end of Thursday evening, expect your crystal glasses to shatter and distant packs of hounds to start baying. 80-1 to 125-1 *
So that concludes Semi Final Two. Now all I have to do is introduce you to the entries of the big 5 and Sweden, who are playing at home this year, and I shall do that very very soon. I’ll also stick my neck out and make some predictions, confirm which are my best and least favourites and also examine another way of assessing songs’ popularity. See you soon!
Mrs Chrisparkle and I have been off on our travels a lot over the past few months and I regret to say that I am not as au fait with all this year’s Eurovision entries as I have been in the past, or would like to be. I do have some special favourites, which I will no doubt recommend to you as the blogs go on. Nevertheless, I am delighted to bring you my preview of this year’s contest, starting with Semi Final One, and we’re looking at the songs in the order that Swedish Television have seen fit to rig (I mean, carefully chosen so as to maximise the viewing public’s satisfaction). As in previous years, I’m also giving you the betting odds, courtesy of oddschecker.com (taking all the bookmakers who will give you the first four places each way, as at 26th April) and also giving each song a star rating out of 5. Semi Final One is the one where UK viewers can vote, by the way, so consider your choice wisely!
Austria – Natália Kelly – Shine
First off is part American, part Brazilian, part Austrian Natália Kelly, whose name features one of the least necessary accents I’ve ever encountered. It’s a nice little song, a bit ploddy, but a good performance should get her off to a reasonable start. However, she performed at the London Preview Party this year, and, if I’m honest, hers wasn’t one of the stand-out performances. She participated in Austria’s 2011 season of The Voice, and she’s still only 18. Music composed by Alexander Kahr, also responsible for Manuel Ortega’s Say A Word in 2002. 66-1 to 100-1 ***
Estonia – Birgit Õigemeel – Et Uus Saaks Alguse (New Beginning)
I think she’s dropping the Õigemeel for the contest, for linguistic ease. I think it’s a shame she’s not dropping the song instead, because I find this extremely tedious. She’s an excellent singer and has had much better songs in the Estonian final before. She’s expecting her first child, so I hope the excitement of the evening doesn’t bring on a medical emergency. The winner of the first Estonian Pop Idol in 2007, she’s played Maria von Trapp on stage (and won) and is studying music at Tallinn University. Is “extremely tedious” a bit harsh? Possibly. It all sounds very pretty but it’s totally forgettable; at least it’s not actively unpleasant. But I’d be very surprised to see it on the Saturday night. 66-1 to 100-1 **
Slovenia – Hannah Mancini – Straight Into Love
I think she’s dropping the Mancini for the contest, because it doesn’t sound a bit like Henry’s output. This is the first upbeat song of the night and it’s not half bad. It’s a decent tune rewarded by a technothrob arrangement, and Hannah herself is a classy looking dame, the second of the night’s American born artistes, who’s even been on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show, and worked with Sheryl Crow and Seal. I’m a bit worried about the poor lad drowning in the blue bath. This will go down well at Eurovision discos. 100-1 to 200-1 ****
Croatia – Klapa s Mora – Mižerja
When I heard that Croatia this year was going to submit a klapa song, I expected something bland out of the Questa Notte stable. However, I think this little melody, sung in a very gently operatic style, is a bit of a stunner. Mižerja had already been chosen as the entry before they selected the individual singers, plucked from other klapa groups around the country, to perform it. OK, it’s a song about misery but it doesn’t sound too downbeat to me. One of the singers, Bojan, was a backing singer on Moja štikla in 2006, so he can obviously do “jolly” too. I don’t suppose the votes will come in like the klapas on the night well but I count it an artistic success. 100-1 to 250-1 ****
Denmark – Emmelie de Forest – Only Teardrops
OK I have to admit that the running order is working for me. After the reflective tranquillity of Croatia comes the out-and-out pop pleaser Only Teardrops performed by the posh sounding Emmelie Charlotte Victoria de Forest. Today’s answer to Sandie Shaw, the beautiful and barefoot Emmelie did an unplugged slower version of the song at the London Preview Party, which showed her talent as a performer but didn’t really suit the song. She’s a bit of an enigma, is our Emmelie, making out that she’s a great-great-granddaughter of Queen Victoria and her dad said he was the illegitimate son of Baron Maurice Arnold de Forest. You decide. Only Teardrops is co-written by Lise Cabble who also penned A Friend in London’s New Tomorrow and Aud Wilken’s Fra Mols til Skagen. So she knows how to write a good song – and this is the bookmakers’ favourite. I like it a lot; I think it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi (see what I did there) that would make it a great song, but nevertheless it’s going to do very well on Saturday night. 6-5 to 13-8 *****
Russia – Dina Garipova – What If
A nauseatingly self-adulating video ruins what is otherwise a nice performance by Dina Garipova of this year’s Russian entry, a slightly old-fashioned ballad but a good tune nonetheless. Ms Garipova has a minor vocal tic that grates with me – when she goes for the high notes she seems to hit another note halfway up for a split-second as if her voice needs a leg-up to get there. 22 year old Dina won last year’s Russian version of The Voice, so is likely to be popular. The English language page of her website is a complete mess. 11-1 to 14-1 ***
Ukraine – Zlata Ognevich – Gravity
On to Ukraine, which is a great improvement on the song before; a catchy number with a terrific staccato arrangement, performed by unquestionably the most beautiful girl in the contest. The composer and lyricist have already between them written eight of the best eastern European entries of the last decade, and I think this is definitely one to watch. Born in Murmansk, her father was a surgeon on a Soviet submarine, and she is a soloist in the Ukrainian Armed Forces’ Song and Dance ensemble. She sang the Kukushka song that came second in Ukraine’s national final in 2011. Something tells me this is not going to win, but it will certainly be in with a chance. 9-2 to 7-1 *****
Netherlands – Anouk – Birds
Well here’s a Marmite entry if ever there was one. Is that Joni Mitchell singing? No it’s the Netherlands’ favourite rock chick Anouk, who’s had a very successful career over the past fifteen years. It was considered quite a coup when Dutch broadcaster TROS announced she would represent them this year. The song is the first single off her most recent album (her eighth), and is stands is 3 minutes 23 seconds long, so they’re going to have to do something about that. My own thoughts are that this will do well with the juries but families at home expecting something boppy and eurovisiony will turn off in droves. It’s different, that’s for sure. Will this be the first Dutch song to make it through the semis since 2004? That’s unsure. 11-1 to 20-1 ***
Montenegro – Who See feat. Nina Žižić – Igranka
And another Marmite entry, and a clash of cultures as folk rock makes way for hip hop. It’s all in Montenegrin, and sounds to my untrained ear like it would be a paean to gangster lifestyle, smacking up bitches and pimping your granny to score some coke. But in fact the translated lyrics are a rather traditional song about going to a jolly party. It reminds me of an updated version of Bulgaria’s 2008 entry DJ, Take Me Away. Whilst the Who See guys are contributing to such musical gems as “Puff after puff” and “Invite some sluts”, it’s amusing to note that by day one of them works in a toy store. I know I’m not the target market for this kind of stuff, but, dammit, actually, I quite like it! Interestingly the youtube video has been seen by over 1.2 million people as at writing, making it one of the most watched of this year’s entries. So who knows how it will do? 100-1 to 200-1 ***
Lithuania – Andrius Pojavis – Something
If you like your Eurovision understated, then this just might be for you. There’s something strangely enthusiastic about Andrius’ downbeat song and downbeat performance that makes it not quite as drab as it ought to be. I’m not really selling it, am I? There’s no way this is going to qualify, but I don’t hate it. His face looks as though he is singing a totally different song, which adds to its general unwordliness. He doesn’t care about note accuracy too much either. Maybe he’s Lithuania’s answer to Morrissey. 80-1 to 300-1 ***
Belarus – Alyona Lanskaya – Solayoh
With the country’s usual transparent voting integrity, last year’s disgraced Belarussian national final winner Alyona returns with a new song, that is naturally not the one that won in Minsk last December. Solayoh is a bouncy, clappy, singalong song that gets under your skin even though you’d prefer it to stay where it was. It’s all about the joy of dancing in the sunshine, even though it’s night time; nothing wrong with that. The music is by Marc Paelinck who was responsible for Chiara’s What if We and Xandee’s One Life, both stonking good tunes. Alyona’s quite a sweet thing, and I think this is borderline qualifying. 25-1 to 80-1 ***
Moldova – Aliona Moon – O mie (A Million)
Confusion hath made its masterpiece! Alyona followed by Aliona! SVT didn’t think that through properly. It’s not the only confusion either – the English version as sung in this video is A Million, whereas the literal translation of O Mie is a thousand… We’re talking a discrepancy of several noughts-worth of exaggeration here. No matter, it’s actually a terrific little tune sung with passion and conviction by the lovely Aliona, who needs to change her hair gel. Last year she was a backing singer for the Lăutar himself, Pasha Parfeny, and this year he has done her the honour of writing O Mie for her. To get into the final it will have to do without Romania’s twelve points, as they’re voting in Semi Final Two. I think it will make it though. 66-1 to 100-1 *****
Ireland – Ryan Dolan – Only Love Survives
After a few moody numbers it’s time to go upbeat again. Not really a disco stomper, more a disco swayer, Only Love Survives is a pleasing tune that embeds itself in your psyche so that it bursts out of your brain every so often and you’ve no choice but to go with it. Ryan Dolan is a personable young chap from Northern Ireland, and he’s co-written the song. It’s no masterpiece but definitely one of this year’s best. 25-1 to 80-1 *****
Cyprus – Despina Olympiou – An Me Thimase (If You Remember Me)
Here’s a song that improves every time you hear it, which of course is pants as far as the Eurovision is concerned because you need that immediate impact. Despina Olympiou is a singer of great reputation and experience in Cyprus, whose career started over 20 years ago. She studied piano at Trinity College London, and has recorded with both Eurovision’s own Stereo Mike and Michalis Hatzigiannis and indeed An Me Thimase’s lyricist Zenon Zindilis also wrote the lyrics for Mr Hatzigiannis’ Genesis back in 1998. It’s a winsome gentle ballad, but without douze points coming from Greece (they’re voting in the other semi) I don’t think this will make it to Saturday. 100-1 to 200-1 **
Belgium – Roberto Bellarosa – Love Kills
When I first heard this song I was instantly taken with its great hook in the chorus, and I still find it a really catchy song. Unfortunately since its first airing it’s undergone some tarting up and prettifying, which has resulted in some of its raw energy being lost. Nevertheless it’s still a good song, and if 18 year old Roberto Bellarosa, who won the first season of The Voice in Belgium, can nail the vocals it really ought to sail through to the final. It’s co-written by Iain Farquharson who wrote 2011’s Azerbaijani winner Running Scared, and Andreas Anastasiou who wrote the Cyprus entry for 2011. Listen to this and you’ll be doing “love kills over and over” in the shower tomorrow morning. 100-1 to 200-1 ****
Serbia – Moje 3 – Ljubav je svuda (Love is Everywhere)
The elements are all there – sexily clad young ladies, a boppy arrangement, and it’s written by the lyricists of Molitva, Ovo je Balkan and Nije ljubav stvar; but for me this just doesn’t add up to the sum of its parts. I find the chorus more irritating than catchy – that bit where the notes run up and down the scale really grates! I’m sure it will do well and get into the final with ease, but I’ll not be voting for it. 40-1 to 80-1 **
So don’t forget to watch Semi Final One on Tuesday 14th May on BBC3 – and if you’re in the UK, vote! I’ll be back with a preview of Semi Final Two ‘ere long.
The programme notes for this new production of Midsummer Night’s Dream include a quote from Samuel Pepys, who in 1662 described it as “the most insipid, ridiculous play that I ever saw in my life…nor shall ever again”. Well he didn’t know much about theatre, did he? Although I must confess I was a little disappointed when I first heard that this play would be in this year’s repertoire, only because we’ve already seen it twice very recently, and this would become the third time in three years – and indeed, we are also booked to see the Michael Grandage production in London in November. However, this new offering at the Royal and Derngate is such a funny, warm-hearted production, that within about four seconds of its starting I was hooked and after five minutes I remembered that you simply can’t have too much Midsummer Night’s Dream.
This production is directed by Gary Sefton, who, along with the R&D’s ex-artistic director Laurie Sansom, has provided us with some of the most memorable plays in Northampton since we’ve been here. Travels with My Aunt, Diary of a Nobody and A Christmas Carol all had his hallmark combination of clear story telling and inventively comic staging, with an emphasis on revealing the characters’ own funny little ways. And now we can add his Dream to his Northampton canon; a tight, pacey, eight-strong production that takes a few liberties with Will’s script – and why not – which make the story easier to follow and play it for laughs.
Ti Green has designed what appears to be quite a stark set at first, but as the play progresses you realise it has a life of its own, and the cascading sheets of coloured material that fall from heaven make an excellent visual contrast with the barren darkness beneath. I love the way the set changes at Puck’s behest; walls move, windows descend to his whim, like some mystic orchestra conductor. Although Oberon is the boss I get the feeling that Puck is in charge of this particular Dream. Colin Ryan appears at first as a very Puck-like Philostrate, Master of the Revels, and with a sinister smile he assumes blue surgical gloves to start his “operations”. It was Mrs Chrisparkle who pointed out to me that the blue streaks that appear on the characters faces and bodies once they are out in the wilds of fairyland show that they are under his influence – basically, they’ve been Pucked; a round of applause to her for that insight. Jon Nicholls’s effective music is at times eerie, at times sweet and really enhances the sense of otherworldliness.
The opening scene of this play can sometimes be a bit heavy handed with exposition, but here it’s as fresh as a daisy and crystal clear as to what’s going on. The characterisation is so instantly appealing that you can’t wait to see how these four (potential) lovers sort their relationships out. It’s also a delight to meet the rude mechanicals, the parts doubled up by the actors you’ve already met in the previous scene, with a female Quince, a scouse Flute, a falsetto Snout and an earnest and enthusiastic Bottom. A very regal Titania, a noble Oberon and real young fairies with genuine fairy-dust complete the cast. There were just two directorial decisions we didn’t quite agree with – Mrs C didn’t really like Bottom’s ass projectiling a dump; mainly because for the rest of the scene the actors ended up kicking it around the stage. And I wasn’t that keen on seeing Bottom’s bottom as he walked up the stairs and offstage – yes it’s a laugh, but quite a cheap one and doesn’t add to your understanding of the character or the play.
Apart from that, everything works like a midsummer night’s dream. Silas Carson’s Theseus is authoritative but kind, dispensing his ducal wisdom and gently mocking the idiotic rural actors. His Oberon is more generally decent than others I have seen, and when he realises his joke on Titania has gone too far he really seems to have trickster’s remorse. And I loved his beginning of Act Two entrance. Amy Robbins as Hippolyta has a great line in charmingly elegant teasing and her reactions to the ghastly Pyramus and Thisbe really made us laugh. As Titania she is both temptress and harridan. When she was tearing strips off Oberon, I thought, you really wouldn’t want to get into an argument with her; but her erotic appreciation of Bottom’s ass was the most convincing and delightful I’ve seen.
Naomi Sheldon gives a wonderful comic performance as Hermia, the nice little rich girl who has an eye for a bit of rough. There’s a fantastically funny fight scene where she accidentally gets involved, and her physical comedy that follows is just brilliant. She’s also very funny as Mistress Quince, the long-suffering director; traces of Wigan in her clipped accent I thought, and the very embodiment of Wall (isn’t that usually Snout’s gig?) Frances McNamee’s Helena is part sexy secretary, part oafish desperada throwing herself at the uninterested Demetrius and generally being run ragged round the forest; a terrific performance. Her Snug reminded me of a mid 1980s Victoria Wood creation, all introvert and tea and buns for one, until she lets rip as the lion. Well roared, lion.
Oliver Gomm’s Lysander is a brilliant comic creation – shifty, snide, and totally lacking in the good grace that Egeus demands for his daughter. When he falls under Puck’s spell and turns his affections towards Helena, he does it with such sudden comic energy it takes your breath away. His Flute sounds like a rustic Steven Gerrard and does a memorable comic turn as Thisbe, with a ridiculous drawn-out death scene that warrants its own round of applause.Charlie Archer as Demetrius represents all the dull respectability that Lysander isn’t, smug and toffee-nosed but never a caricature, and also bringing superb physical comedy to the role. Stripped to their Long Johns, Lysander and Demetrius have a brilliant boxing scene, and it’s comedy magic. As the high-pitched Snout, Mr Archer plays a hilariously simple soul who can just about portray moonshine, barely.
The role of Egeus is purely functional and doesn’t have much in it to make an actor shine, but as Bottom, Joe Alessi has enthusiastic attack, great comic timing and makes a superb, rather loveable ass.And finally Colin Ryan’s Puck is slippery and ethereal, dispensing joy and mystery wherever he goes; he looks perfect for the part and gives an eloquent Irish lilt to Shakespeare’s poetry. What you take home with you after this show is a feeling of satisfaction, of intelligent physical comedy, and above all the memories of a lot of laughs, and you can’t say fairer than that.
1984. Not the scary Orwellian one but the real one, which was probably even more scary in retrospect. Five years into the late Baroness Thatcher’s regime that changed the nation forever. Two years after the Falklands Conflict; the time of the Miners’ Strike; protests at Greenham Common; ah, happy days. And a little musical opened at the Astoria Theatre (now G-A-Y) with a book by Melvyn Bragg and music by Howard Goodall. I went to see it on 2nd February 1985 according to my ticket stub, and was totally blown away by its intensity, emotion, terrific score and amazing cast. That original production was born at the old Leicester Haymarket theatre, and in a sense, thirty years later, it’s come home.
In the intervening years it hasn’t lost any of its relevance. The subjugation of the hired man to the demands, whims and mercy of his employer (“the day of rest is Man’s invention”, according to the lyrics), means it can be tough to get right that work/life balance, to the detriment of relationships. Workers’ rights, union clashes, young men going off to war and not coming back, plus the trials and tribulations of young love – all human life is here in the not so idyllic Lake District of a hundred years ago.
Normally I try not to give away too much of the plot of plays and shows but in this case I have found it virtually impossible. So if you’re going to see it and you don’t know the story yet, please bookmark this page and come back after the show! Otherwise, carry on…
“The Hired Man” really is the complete package. It has a very convincing and gripping story line, fantastic memorable songs and it’s laden with emotion without ever being mawkish or sensational. I confessed to Mrs Chrisparkle that when I saw it in the 1980s it made me cry. In the interval she smirked, “Have we come to the bit that made you cry yet?” “No”, I replied, summoning up all the masculinity I could muster. Then came the second act. By curtain call she was in floods of tears. Not only her, but I would guess a good half of the audience had reached for the Kleenex. The lady to my left had been solidly weeping for the last half hour. The light caught the bald head of an older man in the second row as he kept on bobbing up and down to the rhythm of his sobs. Few escape this show’s emotional tentacles. That’ll teach Mrs C for being so cocky.
This production comes to the Curve as a co-production with the Mercury Theatre Colchester, and is staged in their Studio theatre. This was our first visit to the Studio, and I must say I was well impressed. Comfortable, plenty of legroom, pretty good sightlines and an intimate, experimental vibe, even though it is considerably larger than other “Studio” type theatres I’ve visited. Its layout put me in the mind of the old Mermaid Theatre as it used to be in the “good old days” – a fairly wide stage with just a bank of seats gently escalating up to heaven. The whole Curve complex is quickly becoming one of my favourite venues – the place was packed with people going round craft stalls, watching a gospel choir, meeting for coffee and lunch (delicious food, including gluten-free options in the café), plus it has friendly staff and their ticket prices are delightfully sensible. And I love how you can peek through the offstage area of the main theatre and see all the props and costumes in waiting, as the ASMs go about their business.
Back to the Hired Man. It’s one of those productions where the cast play the instruments, apart from Richard Reeday, the Musical Director, on the piano. That really helps to combine the music into the actors’ performance, which in turn assists and enforces the plot development of a musical. Howard Goodall’s lyrics are both tender and hard hitting and fit his tunes perfectly. The arrangements reflect the rural settings; the use of trumpets gives a sense of country bands, and there’s even a harp to enhance the more romantic aspects. The music is performed beautifully throughout. My favourite song from the show, “What a Fool I’ve been”, which has been for many years a regular in my shower repertoire, has an inventive piano backing of anxious staccato notes that panic up and down the keyboard, reflecting John’s inner turmoil. Terrific stuff. Juliet Shillingford’s deceptively simple set nicely suggests the open countryside, but converts easily to the dinginess of John and Emily’s small cottage, the exposed terror of the French battlefields, and the claustrophobia of the coalface.
There are some superb performances that add to the tugging of the heartstrings. One of my main recollections of the 1980s production was the extraordinary Olivier award winning performance of Paul Clarkson as John, whose steely gaze burnt through the audience’s combined retina as you witnessed his sorrows, his furies, his delights and his ability to take every blow that life dishes out. So I was curious, if not concerned, to find out how David Hunter would take to the role in this production. I’m pleased to say he’s very different and gives you an excellent insight into other aspects that make up the character of John.
David Hunter is a much quieter, calmer John; where Paul Clarkson exploded with resentment and angst, Mr Hunter chooses more to internalise his passions but his expressions and superb singing voice convey the full range of emotions that John experiences. He has an open innocence in the early days of his love with Emily (the wonderful “Say Farewell” was performed with youthful exuberance); and when he performed “What a Fool I’ve been” it really gave me goosebumps up and down my arms. John’s slow realisation that Emily and Jackson have been seeing each other behind his back and which leads into that song was done perfectly. That scene also culminates in the most exciting, technically precise and dramatic stage fight I’ve ever seen. The lady to my left, who was to blub uncontrollably later on, hid her eyes behind her hands as she couldn’t bear to see another punch land – brilliant work by Mr Hunter and Kit Orton as Jackson. In the second half, he ages very convincingly into someone now coping with the different challenges of mining and war, and managing his family. Like the whole cast, Mr Hunter is particularly good at connecting eye to eye with audience members – when he was dealing with his emotional question “What would you say to your son, if you were me” he looked straight at me and I believed absolutely that he was genuinely seeking my advice. At the end of the show, when he finally goes back to the land, he brings a triumphant resilience to the last reprise of the main theme. It’s a really mature performance and offers for big roles ought to be dropping on his doormat on a daily basis.
Equally, if not more, astonishing a performance comes from Julie Atherton as Emily. We’ve seen Miss Atherton a couple of times before and she always gives a great performance – she was excellent as Sister Mary Robert in Sister Act. Her voice is as clear as a bell and as powerful as a rocket and she couldn’t keep her emotions to herself if she tried. She effortlessly provides fantastic harmonies with Mr Hunter, most memorably in “Say Farewell”, and her growing relationship with Jackson is superbly subtle; you can see her desperately trying to put the brakes on too late, and the scene where she skids uncontrollably into his arms was really moving. She has a lightness of touch with the domestic scenes that bring out the, albeit sparse, humour in the role. But it is in the second half that she really comes into her own. When she can’t keep her son from going down the pit or from going to war – you knew the moment that the excellent Jamie Barnard turned up with a packed suitcase there was only ever going to be one sad outcome; when she gets the letter from John with the terrible news; when she starts to weaken through ill health; and when her spirit returns to the land with John in the final scene, she is just tremendous. I reckon she had tears on her cheeks for about 40 minutes in that second half. No grown man could help but tearfully sniff along with her. You can’t stop watching her – a sensational performance.
The whole cast is excellent, but I would commend to you some particularly impressive performances. Mark Stobbart as Isaac, John’s chancer of a brother, irrepressibly looks for easy ways to make a bit of cash but has a heart of gold, and when he comes back from war and his wrestling days are over I felt really sad for the character. Gary Tushaw as John’s more responsible brother Seth, gives a sterling performance of reliability and has great stage presence. Kit Orton’s Jackson is a charismatic chap who you would have no doubt would easily win over any fair lady – and he has a brilliant voice. And Jill Cardo’s May, John and Emily’s nearly grown-up daughter, gives a great performance of a girl on the verge of being a young woman, teasing and daring with her clothes, with an impish sense of humour and a big heart that could break at any minute.
What can I say? It’s an intense, almost draining experience – we slept for hours afterwards due to emotional exhaustion. The music is sensational – Mrs C hasn’t stopped singing “Oh to be a hired man” for the last four days. The performances are skilful and engrossing, and the whole production is magic. Simply brilliant, and you’ll kick yourself if you miss it.
Yet another very busy night at the Screaming Blue Murder last Friday; as far as bums-on-seats are concerned, this must be their most successful season yet – so congratulations to everyone involved! Our compere was Dan Evans, back on fine form and handling a difficult front row heckler with great aplomb. She didn’t shut up when he was being subtle with her, so he started ridiculing her in front of everyone, and it worked! Dan is still delving deep with new material, and I did like his joke about stalking Doctor Who assistants. I find it more entertaining to hear his new material, but his old joke about “the appearance of space” still has everyone rolling in the aisles though, so who am I to judge?
Our first act was someone new to us, Ria Lina. A girl with a ukelele – suggests a promising start – but unfortunately her first song was just rather tasteless and offensive without being funny, and it got her started on the wrong footing. She did have some good material, but some of it was race-based, and us simple folk in Northampton may not get political jokes but we are remarkably unprejudiced. Her final song about being middle class and not famous was actually really wittily written and structured, but by then the energy had sapped away a bit, so she received polite rather than warm applause.
Second up was Marc Lucero, who we have seen before and enjoyed very much, but this time he was on fire. It was largely the same routine as before but his pace and timing were spot on, and the personality behind the gags emerged just perfectly. Some excellent observations about the local fathers creating their own self-help group, and the design fault in a crane system designed to lower you into the bath; and a brilliant final story involving the au pair’s knickers ended his set on a complete high, so that we went into the second interval still howling with laughter.
The headline act was Mary Bourke, who we’ve seen twice before in 2010 and 2011 and she always delivers top class comedy. What surprised and delighted me was that this was 95% brand new material – only her (hilarious) observations about mumsnet from previous shows still made an appearance. She had some great material about providing “yoof” with rhymes about dissing their mothers; an excellent suggestion for the title of Amanda Holden’s autobiography, something you won’t find on a “Welcome to Luton” street sign, and much more besides. A most assured performance – and incredibly funny. So we can list this as another great Screaming Blue Murder night, and believe me it is the best value comedy entertainment imaginable!
